Shades of Fifty
by BriLee7796
Summary: The Books are told from Ana's POV. But Shades of Fifty is told from Christian's. It begins after his visit to Claytons, picking up where E.L. James left her Shades of Christian at the end of Fifty Shades Freed. It follows the storyline of the books and much of the dialogue and email will remain very similar to keep the integrity of the plot! I claim no rights to CG/AS/dialogue.
1. Chapter 1

AN: I've never tried anything like this before. I've read the trilogy so many times I've now lost count and I'm currently reading 9 of the fanfic's here! I've always wanted to read the books from Christian's POV. So I guess that's what I'm attempting here. I'd love some feedback & thoughts on if I should pursue this further or make it a one shot deal instead. PLEASE let me know what you think. I find Christian's character to be fascinating and want to do all his layers justice. Feedback/Review please :) Thank you in advance!

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Fifty's Shades:

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Excerpt from Fifty Shades Freed: (Shades of Christian) By E.

"Good. Until tomorrow, perhaps." _I can't just leave. I have to let her know I'm interested. _"Oh, and Anastasia? I'm glad Miss Kavanagh couldn't do the interview." Delighting in her stunned expression, I sling the bag over my shoulder and saunter out of the store.

Yes, against my better judgment, I want her. Now I have to wait… Fucking wait… Again.

* * *

I clamber into my SUV and forcefully put it into gear. I'm mildly aware that my nerves are getting the better of me, dare I say part of me is excited about the prospect of our meeting again tomorrow. With every fiber of my being I will her to call to set up the photo shoot as an excuse to see her beautiful blue eyes and full luscious mouth again. I want to see her sweet delectable skin blush the perfect shade of rose when I lean down and bit that lip. _STOP GREY. You have got to get a hold of yourself. This is not who you are. You are putting too much stake in a deal that's never going to happen. _But maybe, just maybe… I arrive back at the Heathman after a mind numbing drive through Portland and realize I've spent 2 hours and half a tank of gas thinking about Miss Anastasia Steele. As I check in the front desk clerk fumbles over me, irritating me I can only assume because he is distracting me from my wayward thoughts.

"Mr. G... G... Grey, Is there anything else we can help you with today to make your stay more comfortable?" He asks, looking like he would blow over with the faintest breeze. Only if you have Miss Steele upstairs, chained to the bed, every inch of her glorious skin showing as she begs me to touch her, to let her come, to make her mine. "Mr. Grey? Is there anything else you need?" The clerk has regained his composure and found a backbone, snapping me out of my erotic thoughts once more.

"No. Thank you. The room will be all." I mutter, grabbing my room key and heading in the direction of my suite. Once inside I look around at the surroundings, walking into the bedroom, I find an unwelcome pang of disappointment that my erotic daydream has not been reality. What am I crazy? Why would it be? I really should call Flynn at this point to discuss my current state. But he will have to wait until I return home to Seattle. I pull out my phone, almost willing it to ring as I look at it, after a beat I follow through on my intention for taking it out.

"Taylor. There's been a change in plans. I'll be staying in Portland a little longer. Can you bring my laptop and some clothing to the Heathman Hotel? Also, prepare to stay a few days."

"Yes, sir. Anything else?"

"No Taylor. That will be all."

I hang up the phone. Annoyed that I am so desperate for her attention. I think back to the last time I felt this way and can not ever remember feeling this out of control over thoughts of a woman. But Anastasia doesn't feel like just any woman. No. She's special. I could really use a new submissive and judging by her breathy answers, frequent blush, and her checking out my crotch in Clayton's, I'd like to think there might be a means to this after all. _Don't get ahead of yourself Grey, my mind quietly reminds me. She's young and beautiful and not to mention innocent. You're going to corrupt her like this? Bring her into your darkness? You really are fucking crazy._ I pace around the living room and finally resign to the old style gold and rose claw foot couch framed by two complementary armchairs.

I busy myself reading the newspaper at the couch for all of ten minutes when my phone begins to vibrate against the table. The caller ID reads Anastasia Steele. My heart skips a beat and I deliberately swallow and try to steady my breathing. This is it. _Showtime, again, Grey._

"Grey."

"Er… Mr. Grey? It's Anastasia Steele." _Damn it, breathe Grey. Get a hold of yourself. _

After a moment I reply, "Miss Steele, How nice to hear from you." The sounded more surprised than I intended, but I'm on unfamiliar territory here, I reign in my nerves and caress the tail end of the sentence with my tongue. Picturing her blush on the other side of the line, I know I've succeeded when I hear her breath hitch in her throat.

We set up the meeting for tomorrow morning at nine thirty. I notice that my heart rate has increased again as I hear her shallow breathing and soft voice. Even my cock stirs in response. Christ. How does this woman wield such an affect on me?

"I look forward to it, Miss Steele." I try to push as much carnality into the sentence as I can to chance hearing her breath hitch once more. I will play her like the professional I am. No nerves can fuck this chance up, Grey. I'll need all the focus I can muster to become the ultimate consumer of the beautiful Anastasia. I smirk remembering her comment in the interview "You sound like the ultimate consumer." Simultaneously, I recall the thought that followed; _I could really take care of her_. Again the thought rattles around in my mind and this time I allow myself opportunity to think about doing just that.

I order room service for dinner and a bottle of red wine, tempranillo. Taylor arrives just as I finish my plate and bids me farewell for the evening. I inform him of our plan for tomorrow and he nods curtly before departing my suite. I spend the evening pacing, unable to contain my anxious and excited nerves for the morning, when I will see Anastasia again. What has this woman done to me? I fall into an exhausted sleep, filled with beautiful, dare I say loving, blue eyes that see through to the depths of my dark soul.

* * *

I wake early the next morning, having only a few hours of sleep; I get out of bed grumbling and groggy. As I stumble my way to the bathroom to shower I find that I awoke rock hard from dreams of Miss Steele. _This woman will be the end of life as you know it, Grey. _My subconscious thinks it's got it all figured out. Plaguing my dreams with images of Anastasia cuffed, naked, tied, shivering from pleasure, and calling out my name… but also her voice in my ear whispering of her love and devotion. Where are these fucking thoughts coming from? I must get a grip on them. On myself. If I want this to happen, I must control myself. I must control my wayward thoughts. And I most definitely should not get too excited, this is not a sure deal, there are too many unknowns. I must not get my hopes up.

I attempt to go through my morning routine in a mechanical type of manner. Wash hair, wash body, but then I happen upon my throbbing cock, still rock hard from thoughts and dreams of Ana and I begin to stroke my shaft. Slowly, indulging in how the pleasure radiated out from my favorite body part, warming me from within. The warm water hitting my sensitized skin and the excitement I feel about seeing her in just a few hours again fuels me. I lean my left hand against the shower wall and increase the speed, tightening my grip around my cock. My eyes closed, imagining her sitting up from the sub position in the playroom upon my command and wrapping her delicate hands around my cock, pumping me until I'm about to come on her knees in front of me. As my body begins to stiffen, I picture her slowly taking me into her mouth and taking all of me to the hilt as I come, calling out her name. _Shit. Did I really just call out her name?_ _Get a hold of yourself, Grey._

* * *

My phone rings at nine and Ana tells me the suite number to meet them in. I will get through the photo shoot with the tenacious Miss Kavanagh and the delicious Miss Steele, then I will ask her to join me for coffee. I can't very well entertain the thought of having her as a submissive in the normal interview setting, so coffee and dinner will substitute. I can feel out her willingness and subsequently spend more time in her presence. I pull on a white shirt and my favorite pair of gray flannels. They make me feel confident, and around Miss Steele, I need all the confidence I can gather. She makes me feel so alive, but very much like a teenage boy again, out of control and full of desire for the touch of a female, in any form I can take it. She is a welcome departure from the mundane repetition my life had become. That reminds me, I should call Elena to tell her about my new prospect, I'm sure she'll have some advise, whether I want it or not. At precisely nine twenty nine Taylor and I head down to the suite to assure we'll be on time. I hate being late anywhere.

I take a deep breath to saddle my nerves. Taylor offers a puzzled sideways glance then quickly fixes his eyes forward. I ignore his acknowledgement grab the doorknob and walk in. The sight of her sends the electricity through me without even touching her, that's the first time it's happened without physical contact. Fuck me. I look into her bluest of blue eyes and remember my manners as I stroll toward her and extend my hand.

"Miss Steele, we meet again", and the current strengthens, making my cock stir in my pants. There's that blush again, shit, she is gorgeous. She recovers her equilibrium and introduces me to Miss Kavanagh, who thanks me for taking the time to do the shoot. I glance toward Anastasia and state that it's my pleasure, hoping to steal another glance of the blood rushing to the surface of her skin. Without a doubt, it appears. I can't wait to fuck and flog her.

She introduces me to the photographer, Mr. Jose Rodriguez, and my warmth to Anastasia turns immediately to ice as I appraise him. His smile lingered just long enough to piss me off. I need to regain the upper hand.

"Where would you like me?" I ask. Adding just the right amount of disdain to my voice.

Katherine jumps in, taking over the shoot, directing me here and there. The fumbling light tech, whose name I cannot recall right now, blinded me. Incompetence. Not something I like to waste my time on. But Miss Steele, with her here I can hardly consider this a waste. I'll think of it as an investment. I tune out everyone else in the room, with the exception of the instruction on where to look, and focus solely on Ana. Our eyes lock twice. I will not back down. Both times she is the one to tear her eyes away, and it leaves me wanting. Finally the shoot is done and now is the time to make my move. But suppose she declines. _She will if she knows what's good for her, _my subconscious sneers. No. I must not think like that. This experience will be one of pleasure, immense pleasure she's never dreamed of before, and I will be the one to show her the way.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Thanks to those who have read/ followed/ added Fifty's Shades as a favorite/ and reviewed! I decided I would add another chapter to see what kind of response I get. Most of the conversational pieces follow with E.L. James' writing because I truly want Christian's POV on the books as they are. So I intend no copywrite and claim no ownership over the storyline itself or much of the conversation, just Christians POV is mine. Again let me know what you think!

Also, If you haven't already read DArkness and White by PerhapsPerhapsPerhaps you must. It's a thrilling story based off the FSOG books but with new characters and circumstances. It's amazing and I'm hooked. Check it out!

Now onto Chapter 2. Enjoy. Then review!

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I leave the suite followed immediately by Taylor with Ana trailing quietly behind. I dismiss Taylor and he begins down the hallway. I look intently into Ana's eyes, looking for permission, rejection, a hint of what she's thinking and I find myself just getting lost. Shit, focus Grey.

"I wondered if you would join me for coffee this morning."

She looks like a deer in headlights. Christ. Maybe I've been reading her wrong this whole time. What would a beautiful and pure woman like her want with a tortured soul like me anyway? I'm so far out of my league with this one. She finally opens her mouth to respond. These few seconds have felt like an eternity.

"I drove everyone here." She responds, twisting her fingers together frantically as if this could calm her nerves. I'm reminded again that she is affected by me. I'm not imagining it! My eyes settle on her plush pink mouth as I call out to Taylor who is still heading down the hall. Once he reaches us, Taylor agrees to take Katherine, the drooling photographer Jose, and the incompetent light boy whose name I still cannot recall back to the university.

"There. Now can you join me for coffee?" I smile. Thinking I've made it past the difficult part, there's no more excuse to be offered. She seems as though her manners are engrained and she will atlas join me for this date. Date? Is that what this is? I've never had a date before. No. No. No. This is just an interview. A twist on my normal interview, but an interview all the same. Get this through your head Grey. _You wish it were a date. _I quietly tell my subconscious to shut up as I wait for her reply.

"Um-Mr. Grey, er- this really… look, Taylor doesn't have to drive them home. I'll swap cars with Kate, give me a minute." And with that she disappears back behind the suite door. I find myself unable to contain the smile from forming on my face. Normally I'm very good at hiding my feelings and remaining impassive, not around the ravishing Miss Steele. No, all normalcy has turned to shit. I feel like I planned to go to a Mariners game and ended up in Gillette stadium… across the country and in the wrong sport. But hey, maybe I'll enjoy football.

The anticipation of finally being alone with her again is almost too much to stand. I lean against the wall and let it support the weight of my head, with my hands in my pocket, and eyes closed. I wait patiently for the door to open. I open my eyes at the sound of the door reopening to catch every glimpse of her perfect body moving toward me.

"Okay let's go." She says blushing, and I can't help my responding grin.

"After you." I extend my hand further acknowledging my command for her to proceed before me. I want a moment to take in the site of her fantastic ass. I wonder what it would feel like to have it warm and pink under the sting of a good spanking, how it would look as I take her from behind… mmm yes. Grey, marshal your thoughts… again.

I need a distraction from my very delicious thoughts. I ask about her friendship with Katherine but am quickly distracted again by thoughts of taking her in the elevator and skipping coffee all together as we stand waiting for the lift to arrive. Oh the things I could do to you Miss Steele. When the doors open, we see a young couple enthralled in a passionate embrace. I look at Ana and see she is blushing yet again, hey eyes cast down as we step into the elevator aside the now embarrassed couple.

I try to contain my amusement at the situation. I can feel the smile tugging at my lips and I'm not sure if it's the joy of Anastasia being so close to me, the salacious images that keep bombarding my brain, or if it's the discomfort of the couple, but at this point, I don't much care. I need to touch her and feel that delicious current run through my body again. When the elevator doors slide open at the lobby I take my chance. Grabbing her hand I lead her across the hotel entrance, and at the outburst of laughter from the couple, I shake my head muttering, "What is it about elevators?"

I decide to avoid the revolving door because I cannot stand the thought of letting go of her hand right now, so I don't. As we step into the May sunshine I lead her to Portland Coffee House, a shop I frequent when here on business just a few blocks away from the hotel. I sneak a look at her while waiting at a crosswalk and can't help but notice the earsplitting grin on her face. It warms my chest but I implore myself to keep a straight face. I've given away too much already.

When we enter the shop I tell her to find a table while I fetch the drinks. Interesting that she chooses tea while we're out for coffee. She's not keen on coffee, eh? I'll have to remember that. English Breakfast tea, bag out. Committed to memory. I smile at that thought that there might be call for me to get her breakfast and a tea prepared by Mrs. Jones at Escala one day as I head to the counter. Waiting in line my mind again plays tricks on me, flashing all manner of sexual images of her in my playroom, in my bedroom, in my shower, on the table in this coffee shop. I need to get through this date in one piece and with some semblance of control. There's that word again, _date. And what's this having her in my bedroom thought? I never have submissives in my bedroom, ever. _I rake my hands through my hair in frustration at my own thoughts, grab our beverages and my muffin and return to the blushing beauty sitting before me.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I ask and she jumps, startled. There's that gorgeous blush again. Christ, will I ever tire of that? I clear the tray and set it aside to clear the space between us. I want an unobstructed view of those perfect tits. Damn she is extraordinary, and I'm reminded briefly of the conversation we had over the Trouton's in my office… "Raising ordinary to the extraordinary." How right she was. She responds saying something about her tea, wait that was important, her favorite. Add Twinings to that note about English Breakfast tea.

I can't help but want more out of her. I tilt my head to the side, urging her to continue to talk. Tell me all about you sweetheart, I want to know everything. I want you. But I want you to myself. The image of the photographer staring and smiling just a little too long at her cools my blood again and I find myself asking if he is her boyfriend.

_Whoa. What was that? _No preamble huh Grey? Get your shit together.

"Who?" She asks.

"The photographer." She laughs nervously I think. She responds no, and then asks what gave me that impression.

"The way you smiled at him, and he at you." I hold her gaze, willing her to tell me what I want to hear, that she'll be mine. She says he's more like family than anything else. I nod nonchalantly and begin on my blueberry muffin.

"Do you want some?" I ask, amused at the expression of confusion on her beautiful face.

"No thanks." Again, her stare returns to her twisting fingers on her lap.

I ask again about the boy from the hardware store, I need to be sure she's not with anyone.

"No. Why do you ask?"

Hmm… think this over Grey before you respond. Don't overdo it.

"You seem nervous around men." That may have been too strong; her blush is more scarlet than I have yet to see, apart from maybe when she asked if I was gay. The thought alone gets my palm twitching begging for contact with her sweet ass.

"I find you intimidating." She looks up to my eyes, breathes the words, and quickly returns to studying her fingers as she continues to weave them into nervous knots.

"You find me intimidating… That's honest." Please look at me. I need to see your face. Your eyes… they give me hope. Please look up. I feel like I'm screaming inside. Suddenly I hear myself ask her to look up. I apparently have little brain to mouth filter today. _I broke that filter,_ scoffs my subconscious. Figures, I think to myself. In the few moments where I battled my subconscious, she braved a glance up at me. I smiled at the eye contact and she continues to lift her head. Well, I better use this lack of filter to my advantage. Let's be honest with her.

"It gives me a clue to what you're thinking when you look at me. Takes away a little piece of the veil covering the biggest mystery I've ever encountered. You're so self-contained. Except when you blush of course, I just want to know what you're thinking when that happens." Cue the blush. The thought makes me smile as I pick at my muffin and try to playfully pop a piece into my mouth to ease some of the sexual tension building between us… but there's also another kind of tension, one I've never felt before and I can't put my finger on what to label it. _You know what it is Grey, you're just to scared to admit it._

"Do you always ask such personal questions?"

"I hadn't realized I was. Have I offended you?" Shit, Grey. Too much, too soon.

"No." She answers.

"Good." Okay, breathe Grey.

"But you're very high handed." I raise my eyebrows and feel my cheeks warm at her interaction. Miss Steele has some bite to her, a very delectable smart mouth.

"I'm used to getting my way, Anastasia. In all things" I mutter quietly. I feel like a puppy that just got sent to the corner. Feelings like this are why I don't entertain women outside my lifestyle. I avoid these feelings. What are you doing here Grey? What do you expect from this? _Anastasia. _My mind answers as hope blossoms again in my chest.

"Why haven't you asked me to call you by your first name?" Her question catches me off guard and pulls me immediately away from my wandering thoughts. I feel so torn between continuing to pursue this ravishing creature that has my head in a spin or listening to my subconscious' snide remarks and telling her to run while she still can. Keep it simple. Don't get ahead of yourself yet.

"The only people who call me that are my family and close friends. That's how I like it." There keep her at a distance still until you have a better read on her Grey. You need to play this cool. I distract myself again with my muffin and coffee and jump into questions based on her background check. I want the focus off me so I can think more clearly. Here we go Miss Steele.

Many of her answers are short. "My mom lives in Georgia, my step-dad in Montesano." "My father died when I was a baby." "I don't remember him."

"You're not giving much away, are you?" I ask. Intrigued by our exchange, feeling myself getting lost in thought again.

"Neither are you." She responds.

"You've already asked some prying questions during my interview if I do recall correctly Miss Steele." I smirk as her blush returns again. Oh yes, the infamous gay question. I busy my right hand by picking up my coffee and taking a large sip to distract from the twitching that has begun again. Apparently this does the trick because she continues on about her mother and stepfather.

After a while, she returns the questions to me, asking about my family, who they are, what they do. I give her short answers. My mind is too wrapped up in the battle between should I stay or should I go? The chords form The Clash ringing in the background of all the noise in my head.

I say something about Mia's being in Paris and she comments on how she hears it is lovely.

"It's beautiful. Have you been?" I can feel myself lighten at this conversation and find myself hoping I can take her and show her all of my favorite places there.

"I've never left mainland USA."

"Would you like to go?"

"To Paris? Of course! But It's England I most want to visit. It's home to all the literary greats; Shakespeare, Austen, Thomas Hardy. I'd like to see the places that inspired some of my favorite books." _She wants hearts and flowers Grey. All you can offer her is whips and chains. This is not going to be the life for her. Let it go. Let her go._

"I'd better go. I have to study for my exams." She states. I suddenly don't want her to leave. But I'm not sure I can prolong this anymore either.

"Is Miss Kavanagh's car in the hotel parking lot?" She nods and smiles sweetly.

"I'll walk you back."

"Thank you for the tea, Mr. Grey." I smile at the memory of our time together, wayward thoughts aside I thoroughly enjoyed her company.

"The pleasure was all mine Anastasia. But you're welcome." I need to feel her against my skin again. I hold my hand out hoping she'll take it, and she does. My heart skips a beat.

As we head back to the Heathman I endeavor to keep my calm. You've come this far without losing your cool Grey, make it another five minutes and you'll be in the clear. Focus on Ana. Beautiful and sexy as all hell, Ana. But what have I gained in terms of knowledge about if she'll accept my proposal for submission or run for the hills screaming? Of that I'm not sure. Guess I'll just have to see her again. I can feel my fingers tighten around hers at the mere notion of seeing her again. I want to see her in Louboutins and a sexy cocktail dress, laid back on my bed waiting for me to allow her to come. _Wait, my bed? Again, where's that coming from?_

"Do you always wear jeans?" I ask, curious about how much of a fight I might get for suggesting a wardrobe more suited to my wallet.

"Mostly." She answers quickly then suddenly blurts, "Do you have a girlfriend?"

I chance a sideways glance at her and try to contain my smile. Careful answering this Grey, you don't want her to get the wrong idea. Yes I want her but I don't do hearts and flowers.

"No, Anastasia. I don't do the girlfriend thing." I reply softly. There. I think that did the trick… just vague enough.

I can feel her begin to slip away from me, lost in thought. She moves to cross the street without looking and trips over the sidewalk, stumbling toward the street.

"Shit, Ana!" I cry out and reach reflexively for her hand as a bike bombs down the one-way street going the wrong way. She crashes into my chest and is cradled in my arms. Wow. That happened quickly. I'm glad I was here to keep her from harm. This is what I do. I can take care of her. Keep her safe. This is what I want to do for her. What I want to do to her is also alluring, but in this moment, I realize what I want to do for her is to keep her safe.

She smells so heavenly, clean like fresh washed linens on the line by the oceanside. It reminds me of when I was a kid, a few years after baby Mia arrived, and mom and dad rented a beach home for a month in the summer. That was the smell of Ana, fresh, innocence, beauty, and home. _Hmmm…. Home._

"Are you okay?" I whisper. As I steady one arm around her to hold her upright and the other traces her face, trying desperately to memorize her features, the touch igniting my skin. My thumb makes contact with her lower lip and my breathing hitches in my throat. Shit Grey, why'd you touch her mouth? I look into her eyes, locking into her gaze. I want so badly to kiss that perfect mouth. To push her into the alley between the Heathman and the pharmacy next door and get my first taste of Miss Steele and all she has to offer. But then her gaze shifts to my mouth and I can feel her willing me to kiss her with every fiber of her being. I can almost hear her. I need to stay in control. _Don't do it Grey. You can't give her what she wants. Let her have a life, a real life, not one filled with things she can't even imagine. Let her go. Let her have her hearts and flowers._

_But can I do it? _And I, in this moment, realize I want no part of letting her go.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Chapter 3! I'm having so much fun doing this! Please continue to review & let me know what you're all thinking! If you like what you're reading, be sure to follow/favorite! I've tried to respond to reviews thus far and only 2 out of many many tries have seemed to go through... So please know that I am reading them and am so thankful for feedback! Keep it coming! Thanks!

Also, I'm thinking of changing the name from "Fifty's Shades" to "Shades of Fifty"... What do you guys think?

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I gaze down into her eyes, my veins pulsing with my desire for her. I want so desperately to kiss her, but I've already relinquished too much of my control to this woman and I barely know her. No other has ever had this type of hold on me. I can't tell if I like it or not... Surely I do not I try to convince myself, and fail miserably.

My eyelids try to close, feeling the weight of our connection, I want to lean down and kiss her beautiful mouth. Taking time to absorb every inch, I want to devour her. My breathing has changed; my breaths are shallower and more harsh than normal.

_Get your shit together man. Come on. _With that not so subtle reminder from my subconscious, I break the contact and close my eyes. I take a deep steadying breath and shake my head no. I gather my wits before opening my eyes again. _Hold her at a distance Grey. You can't dive into the deep end until you know if she's even willing to swim. Keep her at arms length for now. _But I don't want to let her leave my arms, I hear myself whine in response.

My subconscious wins. "You should steer clear of me. I'm not the man for you." I can see the confusion in her face. I hate that I'm responsible for this lost look. "Breathe, Anastasia, breathe." I say as I set her back on her feet and regretfully let her go from my arms. They feel empty and cold without her embrace. I feel a chill sneak slyly up my spine even though it's a warm May morning. I reach back out and place my hands on her shoulders, holding her at arms length. I need to be sure she's okay. I need to be sure she's safe.

She glances up at me with a look of devastation. Shit. She looks like the others at the end of their contracts when they wanted more and I told them to get lost. But this tugs at a new part of me. I'm sorry Anastasia. I'm sorry.

"I've got this. Thank you." She mutters. I find myself confused at her statement.

"Thank you for what?" Dearest, I should be thanking you. You've shown me what it's like to want something again. And to have my palm twitch twice during our time together only made it that much better. I'm vaguely aware that her slim shoulders are still in my grasp and I have to fight the urge to tighten my fingers to better memorize their shape.

"For saving me." Oh, but Ana I feel it may be you who ends up saving me. _Shit, I must cover this with something else. That's too vulnerable. Control Grey. Control. _

I hear myself respond with a frustrated sentence about the biker going the wrong way down the street. Add something to let her know you care about her safety… "I shudder to think what could have happened to you." Good job, Grey, that was good. But I don't want her to leave yet, think Grey, think! "Would you like to come and sit down in the hotel for a few minutes?" Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes. _Why would she want to spend time with you, you couldn't even kiss her._

She shakes her head. Fuck, she's going. I really fucked this one up. She wraps her arms around her torso, taking the place where mine had been only moments before and walks across the street. I follow her quickly. Think of something to say. Think! Don't let her leave like this. She turns to face me but looks past me at something in the street that I'm sure isn't there. She's avoiding eye contact and right now I can't blame her. She thanks me again for the tea and for taking my time to do the photo shoot.

"Anastasia… I…" I stop. The words don't come out. I want to spend time with you. I like you. I find you to be simply astonishing. I want to fuck the shit out of you. I want to just sit and talk to you for hours. I want to make you come in every square inch of my apartment. I want to just sit and talk to you for hours. Anyone of these will do Grey. Pick one and say it. My heart is racing and I rake my hands through my hair. Nothing. Nothing comes out. I feel like I'm losing every ounce of control at the hands of this enigma standing before me. I just don't understand.

"What, Christian?" She snaps and I feel even worse. I can't ask her for anything else. I'm not the one for her. I need to quit while I'm ahead. I'll go home, go to the club, and find someone to top as a distraction. I feel my chest heave and tighten at the thought. I know it won't help. No one else can put as much wonder into the two syllables of my name as she can. But I don't want to imagine being the reason for her upset when I fail to meet her expectations. I hear myself wish her luck on her exams. She thanks me bitterly, her words dripping in sarcasm as she pivots on her foot and stalks off in the direction of the garage. "Goodbye, Mr. Grey." She calls over her shoulder.

Go after her. Don't just stand here. _Go back to the hotel. You've done the right thing… let her go. _I listen again to my subconscious and turn into the hotel lobby. Feeling empty and desolate. I reach the elevator, push the button, and immediately sprint back across the vast lobby return to the doors. I stand staring at my shoes with my hand on the handle for quite some time, thinking about wrapping her in my arms and kissing her fervently, vowing to never let her go again. _Who am I right now? No. Gather up what little self-worth you have and go back to your room Grey. _Just as I resolve to return upstairs and negotiate those Sudan shipments I see her drive past in a sleek Mercedes Benz. I feel my heart sink.

Fuck I screwed up.

* * *

I return to the room and find myself severely agitated. I decide to go work out in the hotel gym then go for a run to clear my mind. I seriously doubt Ros will be impressed if I call her in the state I'm in now.

Three and a half hours and probably close to 2 pints of sweat gone; I'm exhausted, mentally, physically, and most definitely emotionally. I call Elliott who is in the area today and ask if he'd like to grab dinner.

"Hey, why the long face?" Elliott asks when we're seated at our table. We've chosen to go to Luce tonight. A man at the gym recommended the restaurant but we almost missed it because it looks like a hardware store from the outside. I've been told it has a delicious baked stuffed trout and a gracious selection of wine. I'm in no mood to deal with crowds and the gentleman assured me it is a quaint and quiet place to dine. He didn't tell me that I should be here with Ana, with it's candlelit white linen tables for two. Instead I'm here with my idiot brother who is now badgering me with questions I don't want to answer.

"Rough day at work with these shipments to Sudan. They keep getting high jacked. I'm not sure where to go from here now with them." I sigh hoping he'll drop it now. I know he hates talking about my work with me.

"That sucks bro… " He pauses a beat, then continues. "So I hear you're picking Mia up when she returns from Paris?"

The rest of our evening is spent planning when we'll go hiking, fishing, and we've placed a bet on how long before Mia slips into French mode when she returns home. Elliot bet it would be more than a day; I gave her through dinner the first night.

After dinner, I head back to the Heathman, pack my things, and Taylor and I return to Escala that evening. I spend the entirety of the ride staring off into the night wondering if I should have gone after her. I know I'll need to see her again. Can I wait until the graduation? Surely, I can't. _You must control yourself. All this time spent building up your walls, they're here to protect you. She'll never just be a submissive. _I dismiss the thought immediately. What else would she be? I'm not interested in anything more. _More. _The word rattles around my head until we arrive back to the apartment. I get out of the car, head into the elevator, and into my bedroom without so much as a word to anyone.

* * *

Five days have passed in a blur. Easy repetition. Wake, shower, eat, work, eat, work, eat, work out, work, lie in bed, toss and turn dreaming of delicate hands, beautiful pale pink skin, deep ocean blue eyes and full luscious lips. Friday morning, Taylor and I pack a bag and we head back to the Heathman for the conferral on Saturday. I still have no idea why I agreed to do this damn speech to begin with, but I'm constantly assured the farming division needs this endorsement to obtain additional grants for their funding.

I make sure to grab the three first edition volumes of _Tess of the d'Urbervilles _that I bought for Ana. They took me days to find, but I found one set in Ireland, mint condition. I had them shipped right out. The shipping fees alone cost a bundle, but I don't even mind. I'd spend a lot more giving her whatever her heart desires, as long as she's in my life. Somehow, this must happen. I've wrapped them in brown paper and tied them together with string. Ha, that was a mess. I kept getting stuck in the string. Took me three times trying to tie the damn thing but I got it. Perseverance. I want a chance with her. I do, damn it. I'll drop it at her door when I know she's in her exams with a note attached. I know just the quote.

_Why didn't you tell me there was danger? Why didn't you warn me?_

_Ladies know what to guard against, because they read novels that tell them of these tricks…_

I need to warn her, but I want to let her know I'm also very serious. Fuck, this is confusing. Selfishly, I hope she ignores the warnings and dives headfirst into my arms as we tumble into bed. My cock stirs at the thought. I've spent so many mornings with a hard-on in the shower because of dreams of her. Those dreams are much better than my normal plague at night, nightmares filled with searing pain and my screams. I shudder at the thought. Just the idea of Anastasia brings calm to my system.

* * *

Elliott is back in town and we decide to hit the hotel bar for a few drinks. He tells me about some girl who has been falling all over him the past few days and I casually mention that I had an interview with a young woman from the University. I tell him she is moving to Seattle and that she is very intriguing. He raises his eyebrow at me, daring me to continue, but I can't. I've said too much already. I never talk about submissives to Elliott. He has the biggest mouth out of anyone I know, can't keep a secret or keep his dick in his pants. On that note, I tell him of the tenacious Miss Kavanagh, just Elliot's type… blonde, long legs, tight body, strong willed, and totally annoying in my eyes. He'll love her.

* * *

Suddenly, my phone begins to ring. It's Ana. I take a breath, excuse myself from my barstool, and answer on the second ring.

"Anastasia?" I can hardly keep the surprise out of my voice.

"Why did you send me the books?" Is she drunk? I feel a wave of panic engulf me, concerned for her safety. I listen for any clues to where she is. I hear music in the background and water running.

"Ana, are you okay? You sound strange."

"I'm not the strange one. You are!" She retorts. Definitely drunk. My concern has now morphed to agitation that she would put herself in a compromised situation. I keep the frustration out of my voice.

"Ana, have you been drinking? Where are you?"

"In a bar in Portland. What's it to you?"

"Which bar? How are you getting home?"

"I'll find a way." She slurs. Christ, how much has she had to drink? I hope she doesn't make a habit of these kinds of behaviors.

My slight grasp on my control is slipping faster than I can try to retain it.

"Why did you send me the books, Christian?

"Anastasia where are you? Tell me now."

I wish she were mine. She would be trussed up on the X begging for release. I'd bring her to the edge twice before allowing her to come from my spanking and oral assault. Then I'd fuck the shit out of her, for my pleasure, not hers. She needs to learn that behavior such as this is not acceptable.

"Where are you?" I growl into the phone.

She giggles and says that I'm domineering. Oh how little she knows of my domineering side. And right now, she doesn't want to know a thing about it, because she won't like it.

"Ana, Where the fuck are you?!" I'm almost yelling now. I can see a few people at the bar stop to stare for a moment before continuing with their conversations. She has the audacity to laugh again.

"I'm in Portland. And that's a longggggg way from Seattle. Goodnight, Christian."

"Ana! Where in-" The line goes dead. She hung up on me. I stare at my phone for a minute the mash on the keys until I pull up the tracking app. I plug in her number and it brings up her location. I grab Elliott by the shoulder nearly pulling him off his stool, throw down a fifty for the tab, and storm out of the hotel bar in the direction of the Audi.

Once we're in the car I call her back. I tell her curtly that I am coming to get her and then hang up not allowing her to respond. My blood is boiling, my breath shallow, and I'm seething anger. Even Elliott doesn't dare ask what the problem is. I calm slightly knowing I'll be able to see her in a few short minutes but that is short lived as I see her stumble outside on the arm of that jackass photographer.

I park the car around the corner and proceed to the entrance of the bar. As I approach I hear her plead "Jose, No, stop-no." He isn't listening calling her "carino" and pushing his mouth toward hers. She's struggling to push him away but her small frame doesn't have the strength, especially in this state of inebriation.

"I think the lady said no." I try to reign in my temper. My body is shaking and I can feel the tension in my neck vibrating at the base of my skull. I don't want to frighten her, but I'd love to kick the ever-living shit out of him on the street corner. He wouldn't know what hit him. He releases her and addresses me and Ana leans over and heaves all over the sidewalk, splattering our shoes in filth. The weasel jumps back complains and after a while of watching us returns into the bar with his tail between his legs. I hold her hair and rub her back as she continues to vomit into the flowerbed. I hope those azaleas needed protein and wanted a buzz, because they're surely getting drunk off tequila tonight. I feel I could "catch" the drunk just radiating off her breath. Jesus, how much did she drink? _Wonder why she's this drunk, bet it has something to do with an indecisive dominant who wants what he should never have_ my subconscious jeers. Inwardly, I shoot it a deadly glance and tell it to go to hell, but I can't help but think he's right. Fuck. What if this is because of me?

Once her body has expelled all the alcohol and her dry heaves have finished, she finally glances up at me. He face written in shame. She apologizes for the phone call and for being sick as I hand her the handkerchief from my pocket.

"It's all about knowing your limits, we've all been there. I'm all for pushing limits and testing your boundaries, but really Ana this is taking it a step too far. Is this something you make a habit of?" I ask. I smirk to myself about all the ways I'd love to test her limits right now, when she's sober of course.

She pauses for a long while as if contemplating what her answer should be then quietly says no and tells me she never has the desire to be drunk again with this being her one and only experience as such. She begins to shake her head and wobbles on her feet. Fearing she'll fall, I wrap her into my arms. This really does feel amazing, and I realize I've felt empty since the last time I had her wrapped in my embrace. That's it. I have to give this an honest shot. If it doesn't happen, at least I'll know I tried. If it does, I know my life will never be the same again. Training a submissive from scratch is said to be a life-changing event, so Elena says... Yes, that's it… I sigh heavily not sure if what my brain is saying will prove to hold any truth. But right now all I think of is this beautiful and infuriating woman in my arms and how I want to get her home safe.

"Come on, I'll take you home."

"I need to tell Kate." She says.

Elliot can just tell her. He's already sizing up Kate, plotting his every move. She looks at me confused. I tell her that we were together when she called at the Heathman. She asked how I knew where she was and I hesitate as I tell her that I tracked her phone. I expect her to become upset, but she just stares at me with a small smirk on her face as if she has a secret that no one else knows. Oh, Ana, how I want to know all of your secrets. Get back on track, Grey.

"Do you have a jacket or a purse?"

"Both." She replies as she insists that she must tell Kate she is leaving herself. I try to suppress my annoyance and sigh audibly before I lead her inside the dark, noisy, and crowed bar. I get her a large glass of water and demand that she drink the whole thing. She dares to retort but I shoot her my best "Don't do it" stare and she placates me by drinking the entire glass.

We find Kate on the dance floor with Elliott. He's got that goofy "I'm getting laid tonight" smile on his face. Pathetic. Have a little decency El. I snake my arms around Ana and take her onto the dance floor. As I do, I glance back for the first time at her sexy jeans, converse sneakers, and tight t-shirt showing off all her best assets. Damn this woman is the most beautiful specimen of the female figure I've ever seen with my own two eyes. I pull her into my arms and dance with her. She seems resistant at first but once she surrenders and follows my lead she settles in. Yes, Ana, let me show you how glorious submission can be.

I lean over and yell to Elliott over the music that I'm taking Ana back to the hotel and for him to use protection. He laughs and nods, Kate appears completely oblivious to our conversation and continues grinding her ass against him. I take Ana and leave the dance floor. We need to get out of here. I'm getting a headache and judging by her continued weakening of the knees, she's going to end up passing out in the car ride back to the Heathman. I continue to hold her and feel her begin to swing forward as the drunk takes over. She slips into unconsciousness as we head out of the bar.

FUCK. I yell as I scramble to hold her up and prevent her from hitting the floor. I swing her into my arms and carry her to the car parked around the corner.

I find myself surprised that she weighs so little. Her head bobs back and forth with each step and I'm briefly entertained by the thought of how easy it will be to fuck her and hold her against the wall with her legs wrapped around me. Fuck me. I cannot wait.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: It's short and sweet tonight. :] Enjoy! Review please!

* * *

On the drive home I can hear her breathing next to me. She's turned sideways in the passenger seat facing me and has the faintest smile on her face. Magnificent cannot even begin to describe how she looks right now.

_Eyes on the road Grey. _Okay okay. Fine. You win.

I turn up the radio slightly for some noise, fully aware that she's down for the count, and focus on the bar falling away behind us as we cruise through Portland back to the hotel. Through the speakers I hear Train singing to a soul sister, saying he didn't want to miss a single thing she does. Hmm… Interesting concept. I smirk and turn it up a notch louder and find comfort that this music is saying exactly what I feel.

This woman is lovely, infuriating and enigmatic, but lovely nonetheless. I can't wait to continue to get to know her. _You never thought about "getting to know" Leila or Suzanna in any way other than how they best like to come, why are you putting so much stake in getting to know this one? _My subconscious raises his eyebrow at me, challenging me. I get a similar and familiar feeling when Flynn challenges a statement I make in session. Why is this one so different? Already. And I hardly know her… this could crush me if it goes badly. Shit. Am I really ready to take on a submissive from outside the lifestyle? Am I really ready to take on Anastasia when she already has me wanting to break the rules? _She's an alluring little piece Grey, but watch yourself. _I sigh as the song comes to an end and I pull up to the valet.

* * *

As I exit the elevator and walk toward the suite door, Ana nuzzles against my chest. I freeze immediately, tensing all my muscles in agony. My face clenched up tight, begging for her to stop but not wanting to wake her or let her out of my arms. The indecision is indescribable. _Just get inside and lay her down. Move. Now. _I hurry to the door, my chest feeling as though it's burning from her touch, panic rising steadily through my veins. My breathing is shallow, my mind clouded and haunted by my demons. _Calm down Christian, it's okay;_ I hear a voice say in the back of my mind. I give little acknowledgement to this new voice. My attention is focused solely on the ingenuous blue-eyed woman in my arms and getting her safely to the bedroom so I can take a cold shower to wash away the pain.

I make it safely to the door and inside. I place her gently on the bed and look down at her vomit stained clothing. Oh how I'd love to bend her over my bench, hands tied behind her back, then fuck the shit out of her to teach her a lesson for this kind of stunt. I shudder again in the memory of Jose, the vomit, the passing out, and then her touching that illicit space on my body. No one has touched me there in a way not inflicting severe pain, torture even, since before I can remember, perhaps ever. And here was Anastasia, unaware of her actions, doing exactly that.

I take a deep breathe, taking in the sight of this mahogany hair, pale skin, perfect figure and plump lips and I find myself soften toward her yet again. I gently untie each converse and slip her out of both her shoes and socks. I brace myself for the next step and feel my erection stir at the thought. I reach up and unbutton her jeans and gently slide them off. She mumbles my name and she nuzzles into the pillow, now free from her denim and shoes. I pull the sheet over her body, feeling slightly disappointed that I'll no longer have my view of her long legs in just her t-shirt. My fingers ache to touch her again and I realize vaguely that I'm no longer in need of that cleansing shower. Could Miss Steele be a force to drive those nightmares away? My nightmares have lessened significantly in the little time I've known her, as my nights are spent dreaming of her warm delicate fingers and eyes instead of her cold dead fingers and his eyes that caused me to cower behind the couch whenever I heard his boots coming down the hall. I lean down, gently trace the outline of her face and her bottom lip. Then I plant a sweet chaste kiss on her forehead and bring her clothes to the front room to be laundered.

I finally settle into the chair in the bedroom, so I have a front row seat to watch her sleep, and text Elliot to let him know we've made it back to the hotel. He responds saying he's at Kate's for the night and that he'll see me in the morning. I text Taylor Ana's size and ask him to get her new and clean clothing and shoes for tomorrow, "get her the works" I say. I can picture him shaking his head as he reads it. He won't be thrilled about the arrangement, but Taylor is the best security guard, friend, and assistant I've ever known, so he'll complete the task without complaint or hesitation.

I undress from my converse, jeans and white button up, throw on a t-shirt and fleece pants, lying softly down next to the real life sleeping beauty. Painfully aware as I do so to be as quiet as possible to not wake her. I lie awake for hours just watching her sleep. She mumbles my name a few more times throughout the night, in dialogue that is incoherent except for my name and the simplest smile on her face.

"Christian."

I can only assume that is a good sign and I feel my heart swell at the thought. _Thought you didn't have a heart asshole? _My subconscious jabs at me. _You don't anymore; you might as well admit that you've handed it over to Ana now, _retorts that unfamiliar voice in the back of my mind. I shrug off the thought and decide to just focus on this moment. Focus on this singular and so close to perfect moment.

So this is what it feels like to share a bed with a woman? And to only be doing so to sleep? Maybe I should have tried this before. I feel safe. Protected. For once, I don't feel alone. _You don't have to be alone. _And with that thought, I drift slowly into a peaceful sleep dreaming of the only woman I've ever actively pursued… Ana.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: The fanfiction fans are amazing! Thank you for all the reviews, follows, and favorites! Keep it up! This may very well be my last post until Sunday, so I hope you all enjoy! Thank you thank you thank you!

PS. please forgive any errors. I normally run these by someone else before posting but tonight couldn't. Some of the errors I just don't catch when I proof three times over! Sorry if I missed anything! But, I hope you enjoy! :]

* * *

I wake before the sun to find myself wrapped around Ana like a vine. She is sleeping peacefully in my arms. It takes a moment for me to come to complete consciousness. During the in-between state, I felt comfortable, warm, and secure. Now that my brain is fully functioning again in the early morning darkness, I feel my pulse quicken.

Shit, what is this? I have no contract signed. I do not do this. Christian Trevelyan Grey, you do not cuddle with women. You fuck, flog, and cane them. You make them come with a single flick of your tongue. You punish them for breaking the rules and protect them from danger inflicted from anywhere other than your hand. You control. You do not cuddle. You do not kiss their foreheads at night after tucking them in. You do not do hearts and flowers. You have no heart. _But with Miss Steele, there are bound to be many firsts, _chimes that foreign voice in the back of my head. I like the sound of that…

With that, I smile softly and try to memorize the shape of her in my arms. Her brown hair spread across the pillow and my forearm. Her head is resting softly on my arm. My hand gloriously asleep is ringing with pins and needles. My other arm draped across her waist pulling her close. Her ass pushed against my erection. Jesus even in my sleep I'm drawn to this woman. How is that even this possible? I take a deep breath, consciously attempting to not move her too much, as I remove my limbs from the entanglement that has occurred in our sleep and head to the bathroom to shower.

I turn on the water and step inside. Hot steam clouds the bathroom quickly and my mind is clouded with the events of the last 24 hours, hell the past few weeks since she tumbled into my office. The way she twists her fingers when she's nervous, tucks her hair behind her ear, the color her skin turns as she blushes, looks into my soul with those big blue eyes, breathes my name, tests my patience, and oh that lip biting. I want to bite that lip. Shit. These thoughts have been constant ever since. I need to get to the point with her. We'll see how she's feeling when she awakes and then we'll set a date for her to visit Escala. Then I will see if she's interested in what I have to offer. If not, I'll walk away. If she is, then… I can't wait.

I emerge from the bathroom to find Ana still sound asleep on the bed. I dress in sweats, a sleeveless tank, and my running shoes. I call room service to deliver orange juice and water to the room now and a little of everything off the breakfast menu to arrive in forty minutes. I find my Advil in my bag and place the orange juice and two of the Advil tablets onto the nightstand beside Ana.

Taylor arrives with Ana's new clothing and I set it down on the chair in the corner. I can't help but sneak a look at the clothing. I hope I get to see how sexy she'll look in this pale blue bra and thong set. My oh my she's going to look delicious. Just knowing what's on under there is going to make it difficult to keep my already out of control thoughts under wraps. I decide to grab my iPod and head out for a quick work out at the gym.

Twenty minutes and four songs later I am back in the suite. I knock softly on the bedroom door before entering to alert Ana that I'm back incase she's awake. _Keep your cool, Grey. Walk in; don't let her know she affects you. Don't let on that you wrapped her in your arms last night as you slept. _

"Good morning Anastasia. How are you feeling this morning?" I ask.

"Surely better than I deserve." She mumbles as she glances at the large shopping bag I left on the chair.

I have to hold onto the edges of my towel from the gym to ground myself. _Chill out Grey. _How can I? I retort sardonically to my subconscious. Look at her! She's so gorgeous, bare legs and all. _Remember, after all, you're mad at her! She was careless last night and put herself in danger._ Right. _Hold onto that for now_. Frustration is an easier emotion to deal with than whatever foreign emotion I happen to be experiencing right now.

She peeks up at me through her long eyelashes and quietly asks, "How did I get here?"

I take a deep breath to mask my emotions, sitting on the edge of the bed to ground myself, and begin to explain. "After you passed out, I decided to bring you here instead of your apartment because I didn't want to risk the interior of my car."

"Did you put me to bed?"

"Yes." _Keep your cool Grey. Give her only short and sweet answers. Quick and to the point._

"Did I throw up again?"

"No." Thank god.

"Did you put me to bed?"

"Yes." And I could do that again every night for the rest of my life. What the fuck kind of thought was that? But for some unknown reason, I begin to smile at the thought.

"We didn't- ?" She whispers. She looks mortified.

"No Anastasia. You were comatose. Necrophilia is not my thing. I like my women sentient and receptive." …And able to scream out my name as they beg for release.

"I'm so sorry."

"It's not an evening I'll forget in a while that's for sure." I say as I laugh to myself. Suddenly, she looks pissed. Shit.

"You didn't have to track me down with whatever James Bond gadgetry you're developing for the highest bidder." She snaps and I'm reminded again that Miss Steele has teeth.

My blood boils at this retort. I remind her that the technology is easily accessible to anyone with an Internet connection and that my company does not deal in surveillance equipment. "And, if I hadn't come to get you, you'd probably be waking up in the bed of the photographer, and from what I remember of that scene, you weren't exactly thrilled with his advances." I add a touch of acidity as I say "photographer" and cringe when I think of her trying to push him off and his blatant disregard for her wishes. Asshole. I should have knocked him out then and there.

"Which medieval chronicle did you escape from? You sound like a courtly knight?" Oh Miss Steele, you don't know how right you are about the medieval part of that sentence. But I'm not courtly. Wait until you see my playroom, then you'll understand. My stomach turns to butterflies at the thought of her chained in an X to the bedposts, blindfolded, and at my mercy.

"Anastasia, dark knight maybe, but certainly not courtly." I say as I shake my head. Back to her, get the focus off me. "Did you eat last night?" I ask.

She looks down at her now entwined fingers and I know the answer even without the side to side of her head. I can feel the muscles around my jaw tense as a flare of anger courses quickly through my veins.

"You need to eat. That's why you were so sick last night. Honestly, it's drinking rule number one Ana. You need to eat." Really you need to eat period, not just when you're drinking, but I'll save that conversation. I slide my hand through my hair as I feel my frustration growing. I need to contain this anger. Now.

I look back at Ana and she's sitting on the bed, eyeing me speculatively.

"Are you going to continue to scold me?"

"Is that what I'm doing?" I raise an eyebrow at her daring her to challenge me.

"I think so."

Bingo.

"You're luck I'm just scolding you."

She looks confused. "What do you mean?" She asks.

"Well," here goes nothing, "if you were mine, you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week after that stunt you pulled yesterday. You didn't eat, you got drunk, you put yourself at risk." I closed my eyes and felt a shiver of dread run through me. "I hate to think what could have happened to you."

She looks pissed. Again. Well serves her right. She acted without regard for her safety. Be pissed at me if you like Miss Steele, I am not in the wrong here. But if she were mine… that does have a nice sounding ring to it. I smile inwardly at the thought, conscious to keep the smile contained so Ana cannot detect it.

"I was with Kate. I would have been fine. Jose just got out of line" She throws back.

"Well the next time he gets out of line someone should teach him a lesson." Lucky for him you were sick saving him from a dropkick to the jaw last night.

"You are quite the disciplinarian." She mocks as she rises from the bed and begins looking around for what I can only assume would be her clothing.

"Oh, Anastasia, you have no idea." This time, I cannot contain my smile from breaking my face in two. _But I'd really like to show you, have you, and make you mine if you'll have me._

"I'm going to shower, unless you'd like to shower first." I say, still grinning. Staring into her eyes I can tell she's stopped breathing. I reach out my hand and smile wider at the spark of electricity now coursing through my veins at the touch. I trace down the side of her face and gently push my thumb across her lower lip. "Breathe Anastasia, breathe… Breakfast will be here in about fifteen minutes. I'm sure you're famished by now." And with that I head to the bathroom and close the door.

* * *

In the safety of the bathroom, I lean on the door and quietly slide down to a seated position on the floor. I quickly think of the events of the morning, even since I've returned from my work out. Maybe this can work out after all. I resolve to cherish the touch still pulsing through my thumb and the electricity still buzzing through my body and step into a warm shower to clean up.

When I return from the shower, Ana is looking around the room yet again. "If you're looking for your clothing, I've sent it all to laundry. They were splattered in vomit. Taylor picked up another pair of shoes, jeans, and some other clean clothing for you in the bag on the chair." Her eyes dance at the sentiment and she grabs the bag as she heads into the bathroom to shower.

After dressing in a white linen shirt and dark jeans I head out to the living room to wait on breakfast and read the paper. Breakfast arrives and I let Ana know it's here so she can eat while it's still warm. I've gone ahead and ordered something of everything because I don't know what she likes, besides Twinings English Breakfast Tea, bag out.

She emerges from the bedroom and my breath catches in my throat. Knowing what she has on under that perfect fit t-shirt and tight jeans makes my dick jump in my pants. Holy fucking shit. I wish I could lay her out across this table and fuck her until her until we're both too weak to move. I'm shocked by how easily this woman has gotten under my skin.

"Sit," I command and she sits down. I smile inwardly. "I didn't know what you liked, so I ordered a little bit of everything for you."

She picked the pancakes, eggs, syrup, and bacon. Nice plate! I do love a woman who can eat. _Love? Fat chance Grey. You're luck you can even find that word under all your baggage, even if it is just talking about her appetite. Watch yourself. _My subconscious has a point… where did that come from?

"Thank you for the clothes." She says as she blushes.

"It's a pleasure, Ana. That color really suits you." And someday I hope to see what is underneath those outer layers, the lingerie was a much better investment I'm sure. I hope you'll let me do more of this Miss Steele; I have a whole closet to fill for you. Her cheeks blush and she entwines her fingers yet again.

"You really should learn to take a compliment." I add, sounding harsher than I mean to. But then she goes on about paying me for the clothing; especially once I've already given her the books. Oh no sweetheart, that's not how this game is played. I glare at her.

"Ana, trust me. I can afford it." I smirk, thinking I've won.

"That's not the point. Why should you buy these for me?" Obviously, I thought I'd won too soon.

"Because I can." There. Retort that Ana.

"Just because you can doesn't mean you should." I feel my eyebrows rise in disbelief.

Why am I so pleased that she challenges me? _Because you like her, really like her, _states the newest voice within my head. I want to tell it to shut up, but for some reason I want to let that thought bounce around my brain a little longer.

"Why did you send my the books Christian?" She asks, more sternly this time. I find myself dragged back to reality and away from my distracted thoughts at the tone of her voice.

"Well, when you were nearly run over by the cyclist – and I was holding you and you were looking up at me – all 'kiss me, kiss me, Christian'" – I pause, take a steadying breath, _be careful how much you share _says my subconscious – "I felt I owed you an apology… and a warning." I run my hair through my hair feeling exasperated. "Ana, I'm not a hearts and flowers kind of man," no, just whips and chains, "I don't do romance. My tastes are very singular. You should steer clear of me." Shit. This is it. We're not compatible. This is never going to work. I counted my chickens before they hatched. But I need to continue… I need to tell her. "But there's something about you, and I'm finding it impossible to stay away. But you're a smart woman, I think you've figured that part out already." There. I said it.

It feels like an eternity before she whispers, "Then don't."

My eyes feel like they may jump right out of their sockets. "You don't know what you're saying."

"Enlighten me then." She sits back in her chair, resigned.

I can't. Not here. Not like this. She needs to see it. Then she can decide if she wants in or out. If it's out, I'll cut my losses – "I felt I owed you an apology… and a warning." I run my hair through my hair feeling exasperated. "Ana, I'm not a hearts and flowers kind of man," no, just whips and chains, "I don't do romance. My tastes are very singular. You should steer clear of me." Shit. This is it. We're not compatible. This is never going to work. I counted my chickens before they hatched. Again, I need to tell her. "But there's something about you, and I'm finding it impossible to stay away. But you're a smart woman, I think you've figured that part out already." There. I said it.

It feels like an eternity before she whispers, "Then don't."

My eyes feel like they may jump right out of their sockets. "You don't know what you're saying."

"Enlighten me then." She sits back in her chair, resigned.

I can't. Not here. Not like this. She needs to see it. Then she can decide if she wants in or out. If it's out, I'll cut my losses. _You keep saying that but you know it won't be that easy, Sir. _Damn this new voice. It's apparently sticking around. But I don't hate what it has to say. Still, she's not ready to hear it like this.

In light of the fact that I cannot tell her about my lifestyle with an NDA and that she must see it first hand, I decide to take her to Escala when she is available next. We decide that she will accompany me tonight for contractual agreements and medieval show and tell.

As we're making plans she bites down hard on her lower lip. Fuck me. That lip biting gets me every damn time. I feel like I'm fourteen again. I decide to ruffle her feathers a bit.

"I'd like to bite that lip of yours." I growl in a low husky voice.

Her inhale is audible and she shifts in her seat, placing her hand between her legs and squeezing her thighs together. I really do affect her. Fuck yes. Without hesitation she challenges, "Why don't you?"

"Because I'm not going to touch you until I have your written consent to do so. You'll understand more tonight. I promise. I'll show you."

She looks puzzled and lost. I hate that I'm responsible for that look. "Why can't you tell me now?"

"Because I'm enjoying our time together, your company, and my breakfast. Once you know I'm sure you'll never want to see me again." I resign and return to my breakfast, which is now getting cold. I finish my plate and call Taylor to ask him to have Charlie Tango, my helicopter, ready tonight to fly from Portland to Escala with standby all night. Ana will need a way home if she decides not to stay.

"I'll pick you up when you finish work at Claytons at eight when you finish then we'll fly to Seattle."

She blinks at me with an otherwise blank face. "Fly?"

"Yes. In my helicopter."

"Why?"

"Because I can. Finish your breakfast." I say with a smile.

She squirms in her seat again. Pushing her thighs together for a fraction of a second longer and pulling the weight of her arms in toward her core. Oh Ana, you just wait darling until I can show you all there is to know about your promised land. My smile deepens as I think about my tongue taking the place of her hands. After I return from my daydream I realize she's still yet to touch her food again. I hate that. Maybe her appetite isn't so great after all. We'll work on that. That's why I have rules.

"Eat Ana. I have a problem with wasted food." I say seriously. "If you'd eaten properly yesterday, you wouldn't be here and I wouldn't be declaring my hand so early."

She frowns and finishes her now; I'm sure, cold plate of pancakes.

_This is it. She's coming tonight. Now you'll know. No more wondering. No more waiting. You just have an afternoon to survive through until then._

She stands and heads toward the bathroom to finish getting ready and stops just short of the threshold into the bedroom.

"Where did you sleep last night?"

"In my bed." Keep it simple Grey. Keep the fact that you woke up with your arms embraced around her hidden. She doesn't need to know that shit.

"Oh." What's her face say? Look me in the eye Ana. I want to tell what you're thinking. Look at me with those big beautiful blue eyes.

"Yes, it was quite a novelty for me, too." I smile because I can't help it.

"Not having… sex." Holy shit. She can't even say the word? I'm a sitting duck, no chance of this happening.

"No." I shake my head and reply "sleeping with someone." End the conversation now Grey. Pick up the paper. Show her you're done talking.

She heads off to the bathroom and I make a few calls for work while I wait. "Ready to go?" I ask. She nods in response and grabs her purse. I grab my jacket and keys and we head for the door.

* * *

I must admit the sexual tension is only growing between us. At this point, it's almost too much to bear. How am I going to be able to be in my playroom with this woman and not fuck her upon entering? _Time to harness that self-control Grey. All that precious self-control we spent so long building, it was all in preparation for this. _We walk silently down the hall and wait for the elevator. We're playing a game of side-glances and sly smiles. When the elevator arrives we step inside and the electricity between us is palpable. Fuck me. Out of the corner of my eye I notice her breathing has altered and my heart rate has spiked. My hands are itching to be on her skin, her arms, her breasts, and her face, to be tangled in her hair. My mouth goes dry and my stomach ties in knots. I turn my head a fraction to get a better view of the ravishing creature standing beside me just in time to catch her bite down on her lower lip. That's it. I can't do it anymore.

"Oh, fuck the paperwork," I growl as I lunge toward her, pinning her against the elevator wall. Both of her hands are in one of mine above her head, my hips pinning her waist, my erection against her stomach. I grab her hair and pull her head back just enough to tiptoe the line of pain and pleasure to see how she responds. I am rewarded with her pelvis grinding into mine, ahhh she likes. With her face at this angle it gives me perfect leverage to kiss her. I've never kissed a woman with such passion before. Where is this coming from? I want to taste every inch of her mouth, her tongue. I want to keep her taste on my tongue. I explore all of her mouth. I want her. All of her. Now. Here in this elevator. _Restrain Grey! Control!_

"You. Are. So. Sweet." I murmur between each kiss as I plant tender kisses upon her lips. She breathes heavy sighs saturated in sensuality on my mouth as the elevator dings to a stop. I look her in the eye and slowly push away from her as the doors quickly open.

Three men in business suits enter and I am both thankful and resentful for the outside time boundary keeping my apparently adolescent and uncontrollable urges in check. What has this woman done to me?

The men exit on the second floor and we still have one floor to ride for the lobby. "You've brushed your teeth." I comment, staring at her flushed face.

"I used your toothbrush." I can't help the quick exhale of air and small half smile from occurring on their own. She used my toothbrush? Incredible. This woman is definitely going to give me a run for my money. Frankly, I think it's time someone ruffled my feathers. That monotony can get pretty boring of 'yes, sir', 'no, sir', 'how high would you like me to jump, sir'. _Another first Mr. Grey._

"Oh, Anastasia, what am I going to do with you." I say shaking my head as the doors slide open. I take her hand as we emerge into the lobby.

"What is it about elevators?" I mutter as we cross the stretch of lobby to the parking garage. _What is it about Anastasia Rose Steele I think is the more appropriate question, don't you?_ Says that new voice in the back of my mind. Yes, what is it about Anastasia Steele that has me so entranced?

* * *

What should I call this "new voice"? It needs a title don't you think?

Keep on Reviewing, favoriting, and following! Thanks for all your support!


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Short chapter now. I'll post another later tonight or tomorrow but I didn't want to make my faithful reviewers wait until tomorrow night with no update at all! Thank you all so much! Keep reviewing/ alerting/ following! It makes me want to update all the more often! You guys are the best motivation! Thanks! :) Hope you enjoy!

* * *

We arrive at the Audi and I open her door. I watch greedily as she climbs in and smiles shyly at me. That perfect blush rising on her cheeks and I think I might just drop to my knees and make her come here and now. No, I must control myself. The passion from the elevator must remain under lock and key again until she see's what it is she's really in for, I think as I round the vehicle and climb into the driver's seat. I put the car into reverse and we're on our way. As we exit the parking garage I turn on the radio to engage my mind in some much needed distraction.

I can still taste her on my tongue. The music isn't doing near enough to distract me. I listen harder in an attempt to get lost inside the voices of these two women singing but I just can't quite make it happen. My thoughts are too prominent, my anxiety too thick a cloud in my mind as my lust for her pounds in my chest… and my pants.

Ana's voice rips me from my thoughts and back to the present. "What are we listening to?"

"_'The Flower Duet'_ by Delibes from the opera Lakme. Do you like it?"

I'm rewarded with her shinning smile and glittering blue eyes. "Christian, it's wonderful. Can I hear it again?"

"Of course." I push the button to repeat the track and settle back further into my seat. I feel myself relax and focus solely on the road ahead, the music streaming through the speakers, and the woman to my right. I steal a glance to the passenger seat and am rewarded with her running her index finger back and forth over her glorious mouth while her head is pressed into the chair, eyes closed, looking relaxed and engrossed in the sounds of the song. That kiss still burns on my lips also and I smile at the memory as I focus my attention once more on the road.

"You like classical music?" She asks as the song begins to close again.

My mind silently flicks through some of my iTunes library; Eva Cassidy, Bruce Springsteen, Zac Brown Band, Foo Fighters, Frank Sinatra, Kings of Leon, Train, Thomas Tallis, Snow Patrol, Enigma, LMFAO, Fleetwood Mac, Beruit, Miranda Lambert, Ottmar Liebert, Sia, Dave Matthews Band, Mumford and Sons, Joshua Radin, Florence + The Machine, OAR, Bach, The Postal Service, The Dirty Heads, Adele, Coldplay, The Wreckers, and Damien Rice.

"My taste is eclectic, Ana, everything from Thomas Tallis to the Kinds of Leon. It depends on my mood. You?"

"Me too. Though I don't know who Thomas Tallis is."

I turn to catch another glimpse of her. Oh, I think I'll finally play out my fantasy of fucking to_ Spem in Alium _with the delicious Miss Steele if she agrees to experience what I have to offer. I can feel the mischief rise in my eyes as I entertain the thought of her cuffed to the four posts in the playroom, her pale and naked skin a drastic contrast against the red silk sheets. Her breathing ragged while I have control over every sensory input she'll receive; iPod playing Tallis from headphones over her ears, a blindfold covering her eyes, her arms and legs stretched out on the bed removing her of the ability to move, and a barrage of stimulation from a fur glove, flog, my hands and my tongue. I find I almost combust at the thought alone. Oh Miss Steele the fun we will have.

_There you go getting ahead of yourself again. _Shit. I'm reminded by my snide subconscious that I still have no idea if she's going to run for cover when I show her my secret. Here's hoping. _Yes. Hope. Hope for Ana, Christian. Go ahead, it's okay. _That new voice is really focused on the elusive idea of hope, isn't it?

I decide to entertain my dirty thoughts in my mind and select King of Leon, _Sex on Fire_ to play next. Just when they begin to sing the music and my erotic thoughts are interrupted by an incoming call. Who the fuck is calling me right now?

"Grey." I snap curtly.

"Mr. Grey. It's Welch here. I have the information you required." Don't say anything else you're on speakerphone and Miss Steele is in the chair next to me.

"Good. Email it to me."

"Okay, sir."

I hang up the phone, eager to return to the music. _Consumed with what's to transpire. _I am totally consumed with the idea of what could transpire for Ana and I.

_You will be happy Christian. Just you wait and see, _whispers that hopeful voice in the back of my mind.

_Fat chance_ snorts my subconscious.

_Don't go filling his head with ideas about something that will never come to bear fruit Mr. Hopeless Romantic. Grey doesn't do hearts and flowers for a reason. He's not capable. You're not capable Grey. Remember that and you'll shield yourself from a world of pain when she realizes what a monster you are and leaves you. You were first attracted to her because she looks like your mother the crack whore for Christ's sake. How deranged are you? Let her be happy, because she won't be with you, _reasons my subconscious. Shit. I feel like the breath has been knocked from my lungs.

_It's okay to have a little hope Christian. It's okay. You'll learn to be the man she needs and deserves. If she doesn't leave tonight after she see's what you have to show her, then there's a chance after all. She can teach you. She will show you the way. _That thought helps me refill my lungs after the tongue lashing my subconscious just delivered. I answer the phone as it begins ringing again over the car speakers.

"Grey." I snap again, aware that the boxing match occurring in my mind is causing me to feel short and out of sorts.

"The NDA has been emailed to you, Mr. Grey." Andrea's voice sooths me just fractionally. The NDA. Now all avenues are in place for tonight. All precautions. Now I just have to fucking wait for Miss Steele reaction to the playroom. I really fucking hate waiting.

"Good. That's all Andrea."

"Good day, sir."

I hang up and immediately the phone rings again. Fucking hell.

"Grey." I bark. I glance at Ana and she is looking more uncomfortable by the second.

"Hi, Christian, d'you get laid?" Elliot's voice booms through the speakers and I can hear his arrogant grin on the other end of the line.

"Hello Elliot. I'm on speakerphone and I'm not alone in the car." I say as professionally as possible, trying to keep the agitation out of my voice. Nosey bastard.

"Who's with you?" He knows full well who's with me. Asshole just wants to hear me say it. Fine, El, I'll play.

"Anastasia Steele," I reply as I roll my eyes.

"Hi, Ana!" Elliot replies casually.

"Hello Elliot!" She grins as she answers him. I feel a pang of jealousy. What the fuck is that? All she did was say hello to him over the phone and I'm feeling like he's stolen my favorite stuffed animal again like when we were kids. _Back up Grey. You're in too deep._

"Heard a lot about you." He murmurs in his 'I have a secret' way. I feel myself frown. What does he know?

"Don't believe a word Kate says." Ana says with a giggle. God, that giggle... How did I not notice that before? That's a beautiful sound. Elliot laughs also. But I'm struck in awe at Ana and simultaneously completely aggravated with my brother.

"I'm dropping Anastasia off now. Shall I pick you up?" I ask.

"Sure."

There. I like formality. Anastasia is a beautiful name. I love the way it rolls off my tongue, the way my lips caress every syllable. As if she can read my mind Ana interjects, "Why do you insist on calling me Anastasia?"

"Because it's your name." Isn't it obvious? A beautiful name for a beautiful woman.

"I prefer Ana." She says as she shakes her head and stares out the window.

"Do you now?" I pause for a moment, take a breath, and then proceed to let her name rattle around in my mind along with the unsaid thoughts, warnings, excitements, and anxieties about her accompanying me to Escala this evening.

"Anastasia," I see her frown at my use of her full name, which for some reason pleases me, "What happened in the elevator won't happen again." I pause a beat then continue. "Well, unless it's premeditated."

I like my surroundings calculated and controlled. I need that. You'll learn so quickly, Ana. I'm aware that I've not much time with her until after she finishes work this evening. I feel my body's desire for her gaining momentum. I want to take her in the backseat of the Audi with no care as to who might see.

Instead, I force myself to climb out of the car and proceed to open her door. The intimate encounter from the elevator replaying in my mind on a loop. I've never been so taken with a woman, never lost my cool like that. What is happening… and why do I like it so much?

"I liked what happened in the elevator." I heard her mumble. I'm not sure if it was meant for me to hear but I was affected all the same. I felt the air hitch in my throat as my body hummed with a sense of excitement that I would indeed see this woman again in a matter of hours. Sign the paperwork and we can do that all the time. _Please sign the fucking paperwork._

* * *

When we enter the apartment, Kate eyes me speculatively across the room as she wraps Ana in a warm and inviting embrace. I get the feeling she isn't fond of me. Fuck her. She doesn't even know me. _She astute, doesn't think you're right for her best friend. If you ask me, she's right, _responds my subconscious.

"Good morning Christian." She finally speaks.

"Miss Kavanagh." I give her a stiff nod of my head. Nothing more.

"Christian, her name is Kate," Elliot grumbles from the other side of the kitchen counter. I laugh inwardly; I love getting him worked up. Fine, I'll appease you El.

"Kate." I change my nod from stiff to polite and direct my glare to Elliot. _Happy asshole? _But he ignores me as he walks toward Ana. He's too busy putting his paws on her. He grins as he pulls her in for a hug.

"Hi Ana!" He says a little too excited for my liking.

"Hi Elliot." Ana replies and smiles then quickly sinks her teeth into that bottom lip. Fuck. I was hoping that was reserved just for a reaction to me. I feel a stab of disappointment and an unwelcome twinge of jealousy.

"Elliot, we'd better go." I grind out. I need to sort these thoughts out. These feelings. I'm not familiar with this and I need some time to figure it out.

At that Elliot takes Kate into a passionate embrace accompanied by a long, far too long, kiss. I glance at Ana and see her blush and stare at the floor. I know she's wishing I would do the same. I wish I could. In this moment, I want nothing more. I stare at her and as she raises her gaze to meet mine, she narrows her eyes. I want to laugh. _Soon enough baby._

I hear Elliot say, "Laters, baby" to Kate and I have to stifle my laugh. I continue to gaze intently at Ana willing her to understand that if I could, I would duplicate Elliot's actions. I'm just not that guy. _Not yet, _whispers that voice of hope.

With this thought in mind, I close the distance between us, tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear and she leans into my fingers. I feel my stomach tie into knots and I trace my thumb over her bottom lip. I want to feel the heat of our connection between us again. I want it to linger on my skin until I see her again tonight. Her breathing slows as I touch her and I consciously pull myself away before I lose control. I lean down and whisper; "Laters, baby" in her ear and feel her grin against my cheek.

"I'll pick you up at eight Ana." I say and with that I close the door behind me.

Well I'll be damned Grey. What the fuck is happening to you?

* * *

I make my way back down the walkway to the car where Elliot is already sitting eagerly in the passenger seat hoping for a bro-moment. He's going to want to drone on and on about Kate and then he'll want to know all about the night that Ana and I spent together. Well not now El. I've got some thinking to do. I decide to get his nosiness out of the way early.

I climb into the car and state, "Before you ask, no we did not sleep together, she was much too drunk and passed out before we even left the bar. However, there's no doubt you and Kate hit it off last night. On that note, would you like to join me for a hike today?"

Elliot laughs and agrees to the hike. He wisely decides to leave conversation about Ana and Kate for another time.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: First thank you for all the feedback and support thus far! Keep it up! It's great motivation!

Went a little "off script" to start on this one. :) But I think it was a wise choice! Hope you guys enjoy! Review and let me know what you think!

* * *

An hour and a half left. That's it. An hour and a half. I can't wait to see her again. This is ludicrous; it's only been nine hours since I've seen her. I can feel the anxiety thrumming through my body as I walk to the bathroom to shower. I'm covered in sweat and mud from the hike. Elliot thought it would be a good idea to take the trailhead not on the map and I, looking forward to some adventure as distraction, complied… we ended up knee deep in mud after crossing a stream blocked by a beaver dam. Needless to say, my afternoon was wet and dirty. Hmm, I hope my evening with Miss Steele will follow suit.

I go through a routine as I pace around the suite to contain the excitement and anxiety I'm feeling. Turn on water. Get into shower. Wash hair. Wash body. Rinse hair. Rinse body. Get out of shower. Towel dry. Brush teeth. Get dressed. Pack bags. Call Taylor. Confirm Charlie Tango. Leave suite.

My fingers nervously thrum on my thighs as Taylor drives the route to Claytons. My mind spinning around questions, "will she leave when she finds out", "will she stay", "will we start tonight", "can she do this", "is she ready for this", "am I ready for this" are just a few. My heart feels as though it is trying to escape from my chest through my mouth. I take deep swallows to try to push it back into its rightful place but to no avail, I'm finding the task to be futile. Surprisingly both my subconscious and hopeful ally have been relatively quiet this evening. I think they're both down for the count after that battle royale they had this morning. It was quiet a match, knock out material. I'd say Mr. Hopeful won on that one. At this thought my subconscious stirs but makes no move to open his mouth. I'm sure they'll both be back in full swing as soon as Miss Steele enters the vehicle. They seem to be just as attuned to her presence as I am.

At 7:56 pm we arrive in the parking lot at Claytons, where I debated about going in not too long ago. I laugh to myself as I recall thinking that I wanted to find out if Miss Steele was as appealing as I remembered from the interview. I was pleased to find that my mind did not fail me I had remembered her well. I recall my fears that she is too young, too naïve, won't be interested, and they all reignite as I see her small frame walking toward the car.

_Shit. I can't believe I'm about to do this. I'm such a fucking ass. Why am I going to do this? _I feel like I'm screaming at my subconscious and my appropriately named Mr. Hopeful for any kind of response, again they are silent. They are looking to me with big dumbstruck eyes after peeling their heads away from Ana as she neared closer to the car. She is too damn beautiful.

We exchange pleasantries in the car. The ride to the helipad is short and I am thankful. I can't take the anticipation any longer. I feel my cock strain in my pants. Fuck me Ana.

We reach the helipad I've taken off from many times before and settle into the cockpit. I thoroughly enjoy strapping her into her seat. I love this harness on her. Maybe I should think about a style like this for that new chair I want to order. Hmmm the delectable Miss Steele trussed up and at my mercy. I want to feel my lips brush against her skin; I need to feel that heat again. I lean forward and take my moment. She immediately responds, pushing her lips toward mine. _Grey get a hold of yourself, you're about to fly Charlie Tango. You need your focus on the helicopter not on your dick to get her there safely, _my subconscious glares at me and to my surprise that hopeful character is bouncing around behind him nodding his head in agreement. I want to whine and protest but deep down I know they are right. There will be plenty of time for all of this later.

I feel a rush of anxiety, as we take off en route to Seattle. The flight is a blurry mix of lights and Ana's shallow breathing through the cans. I can almost feel her heartbeat pounding against her ribs, matching mine. We land on Escala and proceed inside to the elevator. When inside I feel that electric pull again, it's as if I have no control over my own body.

_No, you must resist Grey. She needs to see what she's in for first. _But I can't help it. I steal a sideways glance at her as the elevator descends to the pent house and I catch her lick her lips. That's enough to push me over the edge. As the elevator doors open I grab her hand and pull her into the apartment. I want her. Now. What the fuck is happening to me?

As soon as the door shuts I push her against the wall and kiss her frantically. I hold her arms over her head. Not having rules yet I need to ensure I keep her from touching me. If she says no, I don't want her to leave without my having been inside her. I need this. My kisses move from her mouth to her neck as my hand deftly unbuttons her blouse and reveals the blue bra purchased for her this morning. I pull each of her breasts free from their lace prison and move my mouth to find her nipples, swollen and erect from the passion and desire racing through her veins. I gently twist her nipple in my right hand as my left continues to restrain her hands. We are nothing but heavy breathing and lust.

I loosen my grip on her hands and she thrusts one into my hair. I lean up to plant another passionate kiss on her gorgeous full mouth. Christ this woman is delicious. I could taste her all night and never have my fill. I wrap my hand under her waist and hoist her into my arms, wrapping her legs around me. She removes her blouse and moves to unbutton my shirt as well.

_Shit she's too close, not the shirt, not yet._

I place her down, step back, and order her to take off her shoes and jeans. She giggles when she realizes that we are still in the entrance to the apartment. I really do love that sound.

_You didn't even have the decency to move her into the living room. Grey, you're an animal. Calm down. Control yourself. _I give my subconscious a fuck off look and turn my attention back to Ana who now stands before me panting in just her bra and thong, that gorgeous blush just beneath the surface of her skin.

_I surely did something right to get this lucky. Fuck me, this is amazing._

I stalk back toward her, fumbling with my belt and pushing down my jeans. I reach forward to the apex of her thighs and feel my cock stiffen even more when my fingers discover how wet she is. Her panties are soaked and I feel like I've just hit the jackpot. My smile threatens to split my face in two. Suddenly our tongues are entwined again, exploring each other's mouths and my fingers tease her clit through the lacey material. I rip through the lace and drop to my knees in front of her. I need to taste her, smell her, touch her, and fuck her. Shit, I don't think I can wait.

I dive into her, not wasting any time. My hands push her legs apart and my fingers explore her wet clenching sex. My tongue dances on her clit, experimenting with how many ways I can make her shudder in ecstasy before she'll give into the climax. I feel her sex clench around my fingers and brace myself for her orgasm. _This is better than anything I've ever experienced. Holy shit. _

Knowing that she is ready for me, I hoist her into my arms and look into her eyes. She bites down on her lip and whispers "Take me Christian. I need you." That is all I needed to hear. I gently slide into her, relishing in the feeling as she adjusts to my size. Her head pushes against the wall and her eyes close as the sensation rips through our bodies. It feels as though time has stopped completely, it is only Ana and I. Suddenly, time dislodges and we are meeting one another thrust for thrust, panting and climbing together. I feel the muscles in my legs begin to tighten. No, not yet. I want Miss Steele here to come again before I do. I kiss her swiftly on the mouth, push my arms under her legs, and raise her on the wall so her legs are draped over my shoulders.

The look of shock on her face is mixed with total pleasure and I find myself pleased at the thought. I plunge into the apex of her thighs again. Trying to relish every drop of her before she comes again. Her skin is so soft. Her legs begin to tense on my shoulders and her hands fist into my hair. "Oh Christian, please, don't stop. Oh my god. This is so…" She is not able to finish her sentence as her second orgasm tears through her under the merciless assault from my tongue. "Please Christian, I need you inside me again."

_Your wish is my command._

I drop her back to my waist and walk her through the apartment to my bedroom. I throw her onto the bed and push my throbbing cock into her once more. The rhythm is powerful and our connection palpable. I feel her body start to tense under me as the next wave of orgasm hits her and I climax with her, pouring myself into her.

I roll off her and take a deep breath. Fuck. This is going to be so good. My cellphone begins to ring and in the heat of the moment I realize I did not even remove my jeans. I startle at the realization and reach to answer it.

I look at the screen and am jolted awake. Fuck. I fell asleep. What the fuck was that? Fuck that was only a dream. I note the disappointment that the scene was not reality but I groan inwardly at the realization that I just had my first wet dream since I started my training with Elena all those years ago. Fucking hell.

This is insane. Who am I? And where has all my control gone? I took her in my bed. No chains. No whips. No cuffs. No toys. Vanilla? I just had a wet dream about vanilla. _Well I'll be damned, there's hope for us yet Christian, _chides that hopeful voice from the depths of my mind. I take a deep breath, steady myself, and return the call to Gail as I lean back against the pillows on the bed at the Heathman.

* * *

"Mr. Grey, I've just finished putting out all the new equipment in the playroom. Do you need anything else from me before you arrive this evening?"

"No Mrs. Jones that will be all. Thank you."

I hang up. And scramble to the shower, I need to clean up this mess. It's 7:20 and I only have 40 minutes until I see Ana again. Once I get her to Escala I will know once and for all if she will agree.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: The outpour of response has been amazing! Keep it up! Keep reviewing!

A few notes- 1st his subconsious will always refer to him as Grey while his voice of hope refers to him as Christian.

I had a few people express concern about the rating on this story after yesterday's post. I'm keeping it as T for now because I'm not anticipating that much explicit content in most of the chapters at this point. BUT that being said- I'm so happy you all enjoyed that hot sex scene as much as I did! :)

I'm home sick from work today and was able to proof what I had written last night. If my migraine continues to subside, I'll post again tonight, no promises though!

Okay, now onto the magic you came here for! Don't forget to review :] Thanks!

* * *

It's 8:06 and Ana climbs into the back to the SUV and slides next to me. An automatic smile graces my face and I can do nothing to stop it. _What am I a puppy? _

"Good evening Miss Steele." I try to keep my voice calm and professional, masking the mess of emotions lying just under the surface. I brave taking her hand in mine and giving it a gentle squeeze. My god her skin is so soft. "How was work?" I ask, because I find that I'm genuinely interested. _This is such foreign territory to me. I'm never interested in what subs have to say._

"Very long," she replies and I feel my cock stir at the husky tone to her voice.

"Yes, it's been a long day for me too." I state, trying to cram as much sensuality into those nine words as humanly possible.

"What did you do?" She breathes and I enlighten her about my day adventure with Elliot trudging happily through calf deep mud and water. I really did enjoy myself and was thankful for the distraction, but my nerves were never far off. I try to calm myself by stroking her knuckles back and forth with my thumb. As I feel the heat radiate off of them, I feel my anxiety ease just fractionally.

The drive is short and we're soon parked in front of a tall building in the middle of a commercialized portion of Portland. I get out as soon as Taylor does and round the car to take Ana's hand in mine once more.

"Ready?" I ask as the anticipation floods my system. Her eyes light up as if to say "for anything" but all she seems to manage is a small subtle nod of her head.

I say goodbye to Taylor and guide her into the building, straight to the elevator. I glance at her as we step inside, her desire pulsating off her small frame. "It's only three floors," I say dryly, as much to remind her as myself.

_Keep it together Grey. You're in too deep to back out now. Don't fall apart. Keep it together._

As the doors open on the rooftop office, I tighten my hold on her hand to reduce the nervousness of not knowing what lies ahead for us. I see past the windows my beautiful snow white Charlie Tango, emblazoned in blue ink the name GREY ENTERPRISES HOLDINGS, INC. scrawled on the side. I smile at the sight of it and proceed to Joe's desk to get our flight plan and obtain the information on pre-flight checks. We leave him with a warm smile and firm handshake. He does great work for me, always on top of his information and procedures. It pleases me when those around me are professional, productive, and efficient.

I glance at Ana who seems to have lost her jaw to the floor in all of this.

"Let's go." I say as I lean down to her ear. I open the door and help her into the seat directly next to mine.

"Sit- don't touch anything." I order as I climb into the space behind her. The way the internal light is hitting her hair from this angle it looks like a halo on a bed of mahogany. I shake my head to clear the image and proceed with strapping her in.

Oh, yes. Miss Steele I will enjoy this.

I move to the side of her and buckle the four straps into the central buckle that sits just below her breasts. I control myself not to reach out and "accidently" brush against them. I pull tightly on the top two belts, securing her with little room for movement. _Focus on the harness, not on her skin, the heat radiating from her body, or your overwhelming desire to close the distance between your mouths. Just focus on the harness. The harness. The harness._ But I chance to steal a glance at her and I'm sunk. She's just so beautiful, especially now, trusting her life in my hands, literally. The act of submission, sexual or not, is a heady feeling. _She still has no idea what she's in for Grey._

"You're secure, no escaping," I add while I look to her mouth. "Breathe, Anastasia," I remind her softly, taking note of the prompt for myself as well, I draw in a long and much needed breath. I need to touch her. I feel my hand reach up on its own accord and trace the lines of her face as she leans into my touch. I move my fingers down to her chin, secure it, and tilt her head up to mine planting a soft sweet kiss on her lips. My insides ignite at the slightest brush of our lips and I know I'm fucked if she says no tonight.

_You're falling Grey. You've never fallen before. And when this turns to shit, you're going to crumble._

"I like this harness," I breathe as I pull my lips away from hers. I need to regain the upper hand.

_All right, Grey. Let's get this show on the road… or sky rather. _My subconscious is bouncing around like a schoolgirl at the pun he just made. Seriously, sometimes I'd rather he was not a part of me.

I strap myself into my chair and begin flipping all the levers and buttons needed to complete my pre-flight checks. I look at Ana and she is staring wide eyed at all the instruments on the panel. I tell her we need to put our cans on and then switch on the rotor blades. Three, four, five more switches and we're set to go.

Sensing her unease I explain that I am going through the preflight checks and assure her that I've been a fully qualified pilot for four years now. I take a moment to reassure her again, "Ana, you're safe with me," and then decide to rattle her a bit, keep her anticipation heightened, "well while we're flying anyway." Yes. Just the right amount. Score one more point for team Grey. I laugh and then wink at her.

_I just winked at a woman. And I'm enjoying the flirtation. What kind of spell does this woman have me under?_

I see the surprise register on her face and then comes the telltale blush. Here goes nothing. _Ready or not, Grey._

"Are you ready?" Hell, am I ready? She nods her response, wide eyed and I have to tear my eyes away from hers.

Focus, damn it. She trusts you. Get her there safely. You cannot allow her beauty to distract you if you're going to do that successfully. Control.

I radio the tower and we are cleared for take-off. "Roger, tower, Charlie Tango set, over and out. Here we go," I add to Ana and we slowly rise off the building into the night sky. We are flying at fourteen thousand feet. We speak about the safety features in the aircraft and I feel the pride seeping out of my pores. I love to keep my women safe. _I want to keep you safe Ana. _I smile at the thought and return my concentration to the flight.

Less than an hour to Escala and I feel my eagerness mounting. I notice a shift in her breathing through the headphones. Oh fuck, this is such a turn-on.

"You okay, Anastasia?" I ask just to hear her voice.

"Yes." She manages to answer. I can't help my answering smile.

I communicate to PDX that we are now at fourteen thousand feet as we move away from Portland's airspace into Seattle's.

I point out Seattle in the distance, a bright cluster of lights and tall buildings to Ana.

"Do you always impress women this way? 'Come fly in my helicopter'?" My palm twitches slightly at the remark from her smart mouth but I sense her authenticity and curiosity and answer her question.

"No. I've never brought a woman up here, Ana. Another first for me." I replied quietly. Not quite feeling the strength to begin revealing my secrets to her just yet. I feel vulnerable, exposed, but somehow safe in her presence. The only thing I can begin to compare this too would be when I began training with Elena. The feeling of safety and security had a much different quality, but it's the closest comparison I have.

"Are you impressed?" I ask, genuinely curious myself.

"I'm awed, Christian." I feel my core knot at the reverence in her voice. _Well, you can kiss that goodbye as soon as you let her see behind those doors Grey, _snorts my subconscious. That hopeful voice stands behind him, head down and shaking back and forth as if to say _Stay with that feeling Christian, it's okay. It will last._

I smile at her words and repeat them back as if testing them for myself "awed".

"You're just so… competent." Hmm. I'd like to show you just how competent I can be.

"Why, thank you, Miss Steele."

We ride in much needed silence for a great remainder of the flight. I need time to sort all these feelings in my chest. Time to quiet the now screaming voices of my subconscious and voice of hope ringing in my head.

A disembodied voice booms over the headphones, "Sea-Tac tower to Charlie Tango. Flight plan to Escala in place. Please Proceed. And stand by. Over."

"This is Charlie Tango, understood, Sea-Tac. Standing by, over and out." I can't help but allow the pride to filter into my response.

"You obviously enjoy flying." Ana observes.

"It requires control and concentration…" Just as much as dominating you will take of me, controlling my urges and desires while concentrating solely on your needs and reactions to the play, "how could I not love it?" My pants tighten just at the thought. I need to distract myself. "Though soaring is my favorite," I continue.

"Soaring?"

"Yes. Gliding, to the layperson. Gliders and helicopters- I fly them both."

"Oh." I can sense the recognition and remembrance of our interview. _Expensive hobbies, _she had called them. I suppose she's right.

"We'll be there in a few minutes." I mutter, trying to control the anxiety from leaching into each syllable. I continue my conversation with air control as I lower the helicopter and land it on the rooftop of the building.

Shit, this is it. Suppose she leaves? Suppose she wants nothing to do with me? Suppose she stays? No turning back now. Let's do this Grey. Put your game face on. But as I think the words, I don't quite feel the conviction behind them. I am so far out of my league.

I take a deep breath to regain my nerve.

"We're here." I unbuckle myself and lean over to release Ana from her harness. Her breathing is shallow, full of desire and anticipation, matching mine. My face is so close to hers, all I have to do is lean in and I could taste her again. No Grey, control yourself.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You know that, don't you?" I remind her with full sincerity. But I hope with every fiber of my being that she will want this as much as I do. Please, Ana, I am at your mercy.

"I'd never do anything I didn't want to do, Christian." She replies, for a moment I question if she means the words, but I decide to trust her. We exit the helicopter and I wrap my arm around her, tucking her into the space next to my chest to keep her safe. Yes. This feels good. It feels right. _You can have this Christian._

"Come." I command and we enter the elevator. We enter the apartment and I am reminded of my dream. I pause my thinking to appreciate the idea of taking her in the hall for a moment. But I release her from my grasp as she wonders toward the floor to ceiling windows overlooking the Seattle skyline. I take in the view, of her, the skyline, and am overcome with a feeling I cannot even describe. _Hope, Christian, its hope._ Hmm… If you say so little man.

"Can I take your jacket?" I ask. I need to do something. This anxiety suddenly has me wanting to crawl out of my skin. She shakes her head no. Damn, I hope she's not ready to leave already. Quick, think. "Would you like a drink?" It'll settle my nerves. I need one. "I'm going to have a glass of white wine."

As I busy myself in the kitchen I hear her reply, "Yes, please."

"Pouilly Fume okay with you?" It's a dry white wine that happens to be one of my favorites.

She responds saying she knows nothing about wine and trusts my judgment as I hand her the glass. I can't read her right now. There's no blush, no fidgeting, nothing written on her face. I'm lost and I hate that feeling. I'm going in blind to a deal, there are too many unknowns, and I'm surely leaving this defeated. I need to get a read on her.

"You're very quiet, and you're not even blushing. In fact, I think this is the palest I've ever seen you... Are you hungry?" She shakes her head no and looks around the main floor of my apartment.

"It's a very big place you have here." She states in a matter of fact tone. Change of subject, eh?

I find myself amused and agree, "It's big" in an effort to shrug it off. I'm very rich Miss Steele.

"Do you play?" She asks as she glances in the direction of my full-sized, black, grand piano.

"Yes."

"Well?"

"Yes." I straighten with the pride I feel. Yes, music has been a lifeline for me most of my existence.

"Of course you do. Is there anything you can't do well?" I want to laugh. Yes. Hearts and flowers. Cooking. Romance. Cooking. Making love. Reading your reaction to me right this moment. Yes, there is quite a list and it's grown significantly since I met you. I decide for a simple 'yes' and change the subject.

"Do you want to sit?" I ask. She nods and I take the opportunity to feel her skin against mine once more, grabbing her hand to lead her to my large U shaped white couch. As we settle onto the sofa I catch her laughing to herself.

"What's so amusing?" I get comfortable to give the appearance that I'm not ready to run out of the apartment with my tail between my legs. _Come on Grey. You don't back down. Let's see if Miss Steele can hang with BDSM. She's already here; play her a little before you show her your secrets. _Little man hopeful then interjects, _or just try enjoying her fucking company Christian. _I want to laugh at the exchange in my mind, but manage to keep a straight face and turn my attention back to Ana.

"Why did you give me the _Tess of the d'Urbervilles_ specifically?" She asks pointedly as she squares her shoulders to me. I'm surprised both by her question and her sudden change in demeanor.

"You said you liked Thomas Hardy." I state blandly.

"Is that the only reason?" She asks. Shit, she sounds disappointed. I can feel my jaw tense as I proceed.

"It seemed appropriate. I could hold you to some impossibly high ideal like Angel Clare or debase you completely like Alex d'Urberville," I murmur. Oh, Ana, please choose debasement. I want to take you on a journey straddling the line of pain and pleasure like no one has ever done for you before. I can be a great teacher I'm sure of it… if you'll have me. _Don't lie to yourself Christian, you already have her on a pedestal. I'm surprised her nose isn't bleeding from the sheer altitude. _

She rips me away from the monologue of little man and whispers, "If there are only two choices, I'll take the debasement."

I audibly gasp. I'm sure of it. This woman is amazing. She has no idea what she's agreeing to, but here she is, opting for degradation. I am confused by the conflicting sensations residing in my chest at her words.

"Ana, stop biting your lip, please. It's very distracting. You don't yet know what you're saying."

"That's why I'm here," she states bluntly.

Fuck, here it goes.

"Excuse me for a moment." I head to my study, print the NDA, and pocket my key to the playroom. Breathe Grey. Keep your calm. Control. Breathe. I am remembering Flynn's words regarding my nightmares. Focus on your breath; allow it to support you through the residual anxiety. This might not be a flashback or a nightmare, but the anxiety is almost unbearable. I take four deep breaths in this pattern: in for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four, just like the good doctor taught me.

Once I feel I have some control over my body again. I return to where Ana has been left patiently waiting. I try not to look at her breasts, eyes, or mouth. I keep my eyes trained on the space where her hairline meets her forehead, a trick I learned as a teen to maintain the illusion of eye contact without the intimacy of actually engaging in it.

"This is a nondisclosure agreement." I suddenly feel embarrassed for even needing to do this. For the first time, I'm recognizing a wish in myself that I were able to have a 'normal' life and relationship. _Cover your ass, Grey. You need to with your lifestyle._ "My lawyer insists on it." I hand it to her and she takes it looking completely confused. "If you're going for debasement, you'll need to sign this."

"And if I don't…" I feel my heart stop for a moment at the thought and panic rushes through my veins, "want to sign anything?" She asks.

"Then it's Angel Clare high ideals." Please let her sign. Please.

"What does this mean exactly?" She asks, motioning toward the NDA.

I sigh and explain that she cannot disclose anything regarding us or our relationship to anyone. She stares at me for a moment, in apparent disbelief then her face changes. Her disbelief morphs to curiosity.

"Okay. I'll sign. Where's the pen?"

"You're not even going to read it?" I ask, slightly shocked. For a smart woman, she should know better than to sign anything without reading the fine print. Maybe I was wrong to have offered her an internship at my company. That's just careless. Reckless even.

"No." She answers, then proceeds to tell me that she wouldn't talk about us to anyone anyway, not even Kate, therefore it matters not if she signs some piece of paper. "If it means so much to you, or your lawyer… whom you obviously talk to, then fine. I'll sign." My palm twitches slightly again… Oh that smart mouth. I want to make it come to a heel.

I stare at her silently for a moment to watch her squirm slightly then placate her, "fair point well made, Miss Steele." Maybe she could be an asset to my company after all. …_Or an asset to you, sir._

I watch her sign the dotted line in a flourish then take a large sip of her wine.

"Does this mean you're going to make love to me tonight, Christian?" I see the shock on her face that she just said those words aloud. I can only imagine that's a mirror for the look on my face also.

Holy Shit. _There you go Grey. Hearts and flowers. She wants you to make love to her. You don't make love. _My subconscious is waving his arms frantically with danger and do not enter signs behind him. Little man is sitting silently nodding his head with a shit-eating grin on his face in response to her question. Sorry little man, this time I'm with my subconscious. I don't know the first fucking thing about making love.

"No, Anastasia, it doesn't. First, I don't make love. I fuck… hard." I swallow, enjoying the look of shock and embarrassment on her delicate facial features as her mouth drops open. "Second, there's a lot more paperwork to do. And third, you don't yet know what it is you're in for. You could still run for the hills." But I hope you don't. "Come, I want to show you my playroom." I watch her push her legs together as her breathing changes again. Shit, she's so turned on. I need to keep my cool. And then I hear it…

"You want to play on your Xbox?" It's just the diffuser I need. I laugh loudly in response, shake my head, and stand holding out my hand to her.

"No, Ana. No Xbox, no Playstation. Come with me. I'll show you." We ascend the stairs to the second floor and turn right. I try to keep my mind as blank as possible but the anxiety is near suffocating. I fumble slightly removing the key from my pocket, unlock the door, and take a deep breath. This is it. Stall for one more moment and take in each aspect of her before she surely runs from here screaming.

"Ana you can leave at anytime. The helicopter is on standby to take you whenever you want to leave; you can stay the night and go home in the morning too. It's fine whatever you decide." My eyes are surely brimming with uncertainty and my voice feels like it will give out at any moment. I again endeavor to memorize her features in detail, knowing full well I already have them committed to memory and would not be able to rid my thoughts of her reflection if I tried.

She looks into my eyes and squares her shoulders again. That heady mix of curiosity and desire has caused her to brazen. "Just open the damn door, Christian."

Fuck. This is it. Both my subconscious and the little hopeful man have resorted to cowering with their heads down in the foxhole until the fireworks have finished. I open the door to the wonderful smell of lemon polish, wood, and leather; some of my favorite scents to have assault my olfactory system. I feel an immediate, albeit brief, sense of calm wash over me. I stand back to observe her, as she stands completely frozen in the doorway. After a moment, she takes a deep breath and walks in.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Hope you enjoy! I was able to fix up this chapter to get it out to you tonight! Forgive any mistakes I missed please!

Review, favorite, alert, and recommend to your friends if you're enjoying it! I love feedback, positive and negative! Let me know what you think guys! :)

* * *

Holy fuck. I can't see her face to gauge her reaction. I see her look around the room at the deep burgundy walls and ceiling. Her gaze lingers on the crown molding that holds the soft lighting, and then around the room at the old, oversized furniture. My Saint Andrew's cross, a large wooden X with cuffs linked to the top and bottom of each end is against the wall facing the door.

Above us, there is an iron grid for suspension play draped with ropes, chains, and shackles. My mind drifts back to her efficiently measuring, cutting, and tying off five yards of rope for me in Claytons and my cock stirs at the thought. I smile thinking of how beautiful she would look strung up and waiting at the mercy of my flogger and me. I can hardly stand it.

I turn my attention back to her, following her gaze. It lands on the racks on either side of the door holding my paddles, floggers, whips, and riding corps. Then her eyes settle on the large mahogany chest containing drawers upon drawers of toys; nipple clamps, pinwheels, vampire gloves, butt plugs, vibrators, cock rings, dildos, and more. A wave of excitement washes over me, briefly masking the overwhelming anxiety.

She lets her gaze linger on the chest, quickly shakes her head and turns her body to face the whipping bench. My whipping bench is a large, over sized, oxblood leather padded bench. Within arms reach a rack holds my canes varying in every possible size. I feel the anticipation rise when I think about the first time I can watch her pale backside turn pink under the bite of my cane.

There is a six-foot table, heavy wood, highly polished at the opposite end of the room. I take pride in this piece. I imported it from France. It's intricately carved legs and two matching stools still catch my attention when I come in here to clear my head.

Then her eyes land on the bed. My oversized four-poster bed covered in red silk and leather, again ornately craved and imported form France, with a flat top canopy. I see the reflection of the chains and cuffs in her big blue eyes and find I'm surprised I don't come on the spot. At the foot of the bed, spaced a few feet away, is my oxblood couch facing the bed. Perfect to watch her, bound to the bed, blindfolded, music on in her headphones, and completely at my mercy.

I need to know what she is thinking. I also need to get out of this room so I can have a full conversation with her. At this moment, I can think of little else other than the myriad of ways I want her to submit to me.

Shit. This could definitely be fun.

_This could also break you Grey._

Who asked you?

* * *

I see her draw in another prolonged breath and turn to face me. I am trying not to scrutinize her face but I can feel my eyes searching for any clue as to what she is thinking and feeling. I'm coming up empty. She's not giving anything away. Of all the nights for her to lose her blush, she picks tonight? Really?

She walks further into the room and runs her hand across one of the smaller floggers I own. I tentatively follow her footsteps. "It's called a flogger," I say, answering her unspoken question.

I feel like I am dealing with a wild animal. I have no idea how she'll react. I'm prepared for her to attack, leaving me a crumbled mess on the floor, but all she is doing is stalking around the room, assessing. It feels like hours since we've entered the room and the voices in my head have silenced. The stillness is unbearable and I swear she must be able to hear my heartbeat from where she stands five feet away.

I try to engage in my breathing technique. In for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four, but I quickly abandon it and ask her to "please say something." I can't take the not knowing. I've been waiting and dealing with the unknown for too long now. They are not emotions or circumstances I am familiar with. I need to know. I need her to say something. Anything.

Finally she speaks, "Do you do this to people or do they do it to you?"

Well, that's good, she's interested, not running or screaming. Questions, I can answer.

"People?" I smirk and contemplate my answer. "I do this to women who want me to, Anastasia. And I want to do this with you. Very much." Now is the time to be open and honest. And stop thinking about her naked across the whipping bench, its not helping matters much!

"Oh," is her only response along with an audible intake of air. She runs her finger along the leather on the bench and suddenly her face falls. Fuck. That's not good.

"You're a sadist?" Oh shit. I knew those eyes could see right through me. I felt it the first time our eyes met. How to dance around this question but not lie to her?

"I'm a Dominant." I hear myself reply. Good answer. With her in such close proximity to this bench and me I'm finding it harder to control my thoughts. I'm not going to last much longer in here with her.

"What does that mean?" She whispers and I am thankful for more conversation to divert me from my thoughts.

"It means I want you to willingly surrender yourself to me… in all things."

She frowns and then asks, "But… why would I do that?"

I steadily focus on my inhale then shrug my shoulders and reply "to please me." Her face lights up at the mention of pleasing me and I can't help my answering grin. I know I'm not at the end of this deal yet, but I dare to feel that glimpse of hope blossom in my chest. _Put it in terms she can understand, she obviously, as suspected, knows nothing of the lifestyle._

"In very simple terms, I want you to want to please me."

"How do I do that?" My mouth has suddenly become void of any moisture and I need to slow my heart rate to continue this conversation. _Come on Grey, Dominate, you always have control in this room._

"I have rules. I want you to comply with them. They are for your benefit and my pleasure. If you follow them and please me, I will reward you. If you don't, I will punish you. You will learn how to best please me as our time together continues." I say in a low husky voice. I really need to get her out of here, and soon.

"And where does all this fit in?" She asks as she gestures her hand around my medieval pleasure playroom.

"It's all part of the package, both reward and punishment. They go hand in hand really."

"So you'll get your kicks by exerting your will over me?" I fear I might be losing her. _Try explaining the psychology of BDSM a bit Christian. You'll lose her with the hard stuff if you don't talk about the relationship first._

"It's about gaining your trust and your respect, so you'll feel comfortable letting me exert my will over you. I will gain a great deal of pleasure, joy even, in your submission. The more you submit, the greater my joy – it's a very simple equation." I breathe a sigh of relief. There it's out.

"Okay… and what do I get out of this?"

I give her a small smile and shrug of my shoulders as I simply reply, "Me."

Please take me. Please. Please. I've never wanted anything so much in my life. _Really Grey, you've surrendered to begging? Pathetic. _I mentally tell my subconscious to shut up and return my full attention to Ana who is staring at me and around the room with a blank face.

"You're not giving anything away, Anastasia." I sigh then relent, "Let's go downstairs. It's too distracting with you in here and I'm finding it exceedingly more difficult to concentrate on our conversation… As it's a very important conversation, I want it to have my full attention." I extend my hand to her and watch as she hesitates a moment. "I'm not going to hurt you, Ana." At these words she places her hand in mine and let's me lead her from the room.

I decide to show her the sub room to imply that she will have her own space while she is here and that her schedule will be only Friday evenings through Sunday afternoons. I'm fully aware that my voice has taken a quiet and hesitant tone. What is she thinking? _That you're crazy Grey. Doesn't much matter what she's thinking, at least she's thinking about it and not turning it down right away Christian._

"I'll sleep here?" She asks quietly, staring down at her knotting fingers.

"Yes."

"Not with you." I can't tell if it is a question or a statement but the disappointment weighs heavy in her voice. I feel it tug at my chest also. The nightmares were nonexistent last night. Maybe... _No Grey. You can't. Boundaries- you have them for a reason._

"No. I told you I don't sleep with anyone, except you when you are stupefied with drink." My voice has more authority to it than I mean in this instance. At this, her mouth thins and she begins to look agitated. Christ, I can't keep up with her right now. First I can't read her and now she's pissed at me when she lost control of her drinking and put herself in danger? No. That is a line I will not budge on.

"Where do you sleep?" She continues.

"My room is downstairs. Come, you must be hungry."

Her smart mouth takes off, "Weird. I seem to have lost my appetite."

I don't think I can take her games right now. I'm about to pull every last hair out of my head. I need her to eat. I need us to talk.

"You must eat Anastasia." I take her hand and lead her back to the living room. I need to say something to bring her back to me; I can feel the distance growing between us.

"I am fully aware this is a dark path I am leading you down, Anastasia, which is why I really want you to think about this. You must have questions. You've signed an NDA, I'll answer any question you ask me." I walk to the refrigerator and pull our some green and red grapes as well as a few slices of French baguette.

"Sit." I command, and she obeys immediately. See Miss Steele, that wasn't so hard, was it?

"You mentioned paperwork." She stares intently at my face as I place the plates out onto the breakfast bar in front of her.

"Yes."

"What paperwork?"

"Apart from the NDA, which you've already signed, there is a contract that states what we will and won't do. I need to know your limits and you need to know mine. This needs to be a consensual, trusting, and open relationship, Ana. Or it just doesn't work."

"And if I don't want to do this?" I swallow hard and carefully reply, trying to control my anxiety from overtaking me at what might come next… her leaving. And I know I surely would crumble as soon as the door closed behind her.

"That's fine." Okay. Nice job so far. Keep it together.

"But we won't have nay sort of relationship?" She asks softly.

"No." I say as a shake my head.

"Why?"

"This is the only sort of relationship I'm interested in." Well no, that's not true, I want more with you, I just don't know how to do that. This I can do. We can learn together. I can teach you my lifestyle; we can earn each other's trust and get to know each other. I'm interested in you, Ana. But I don't know HOW to do any other kind of relationship.

_You're dark and damaged Grey. Let her go._

"Why?" She asks, pulling me back to the present.

"It's the way I am." I shrug.

"How did you become this way?"

Short answers. You told her you'd answer anything she asked; now you'll have to tiptoe around this.

"Why is anyone the way they are? That's kind of hard to answer. Why do some people like cheese and other people hate it? Consequently, do you like Cheese? Mrs. Jones – my housekeeper – has left this for supper."

Really, I'm this way because my crack whore mother overdosed in front of me and I was left with her dead cold body for four fucking days alone, hungry, and scared. I don't want to bore you with the details but I thoroughly enjoy whipping little brown haired, fair skinned girls such as yourself to help ease the sting. Fifty shades of fucked up, baby. You can't even begin to imagine the depths of my depravity.

_Wow Christian. That was an intense response you just had to that question. Breathe man. She just wants to get to know you. Like you want to get to know her. You're asking her to take a leap of faith with you here, give her that same courtesy back. Calm the fuck down._

"What are your rules that I would need to follow?"

"I have them printed out. We'll review them once we've eaten." There. I can get her to eat by placing the discussion just out of reach.

"I'm really not hungry," she says, her voice barely audible.

I narrow my eyes and feel my shoulders push back fractionally. "You will eat."

"Now, would you like another glass of wine?" I ask.

"Yes, please."

I pour her another glass and she greedily takes a large sip. She picks at a bunch of grapes and while I do not approve of the amount she's eating, I must take tonight in strides. After all, there is no signed contract yet.

"Have you been like this for a while?"

"Yes."

"Is it easy to find women who want to do this?"

"You'd be amazed." I say as I raise an eyebrow at her.

"Then why me? I really don't understand."

I hesitate a moment then explain. "Ana, I've told you already. There's something about you. I cannot leave you alone." I feel my heart jump to my throat and continue, "I'm like a moth drawn to a flame."

My heart has descended from my throat to pound against my ribs as I catch her bite her lip at my words.

"I want you very badly, especially now, when you're biting your lip again." I swallow hard and inhale to calm my nerves.

"I think you have that cliché the wrong way around, Mr. Grey." She groans.

"Eat!" I command. I need her to eat for Christ's sake.

"No. I haven't signed nothing yet, so I think I'll hang onto my free will for a bit longer, if that's okay with you."

There are those teeth again. Miss Steele. Ever the challenge, ever the beauty. I feel myself smile and my gaze softens.

"As you wish, Miss Steele."

My lighthearted moment is short lived when she unexpectedly inquires about how many women. She looks mortified as the question tumbles from her mouth as if it's been trying to escape for the last twenty minutes. She does not specify if it's women I've had sub in my playroom, those I've had intercourse with, or those who have bottomed for me.

"Fifteen." I'll go with the number of subs I've had contracted and in my playroom, as that number is smallest, since she didn't specify, I'm not lying. _Omission counts asshole._

"For long periods of time?"

"Some of them, yes."

"Have you ever hurt anyone?" I see her eyes widen as though she is a deer in headlights when I answer, yes.

"Badly?"

"No."

"Will you hurt me?" The idea in itself sends a shudder through me. I aim not to. Will you hurt me, Miss Steele?

"What do you mean?"

"Physically, will you hurt me?"

"I will punish you when you require it, and it will be painful." I let her soak in my words and take another sip of my wine.

"Have you ever been beaten?"

"Yes." I say with the faintest of smiles as I think of all my years spent in Elena's playroom. Her eyes shoot up in surprise at my response.

"Come. Let's discuss this in my study. I want to show you something." I say as I take her hand in mine once more and lead her across the apartment.

* * *

Review please! :) Thank you!


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: I hope you enjoy what this chapter brings! A glimpse into how Christian & Elena's relationship began and Christian's reaction to Ana's big reveal. What are his thoughts in that moment? Read on and find out!**

PS- Thank you everyone who has followed/ favorited/ and reviewed! Thanks to S Wills for being my 100th review! I reached over 150 followers and over 15,000 views today! I'm thrilled! You guys make this whole process worth it! So thank you! And keep reviewing and letting me know your reactions! :)

* * *

I sit behind my desk and Ana sits in the leather chair on the other side. Having something between us might help while we negotiate the contract. It's been hard enough hiding my raging hard-on from her while we were in the playroom and the kitchen. At least in here I'm safely behind the desk with solid oak between us. Yes that'll help me keep control.

"There are rules. They may be subject to change. They form a part of the contract, which you can also have. Read these rules and let's discuss." I hand her the papers. As she reads I try to find any hint as to what her feelings are, but she's as taciturn as she has been all evening. Fuck Ana. Throw me a bone. Let me know what you're thinking. Please. Her face remains passive as she studies the page.

* * *

**RULES**

_Obedience:_

The Submissive will obey any instructions given by the Dominant immediately without hesitation or reservation and in an expeditious manner. The Submissive will agree to any sexual activity deemed fir and pleasurable by the Dominant excepting those activities that are outlined in hard limits (Appendix 2). She will do so eagerly and without hesitation.

_Sleep:_

The Submissive will ensure she achieves a minimum of seven hours' sleep a night when she is not with the Dominant.

_Food:_

The Submissive will eat regularly to maintain her health and well being from a prescribed list of foods (Appendix 4). The Submissive will not snack between meals, with the exception of fruit.

_Clothes:_

During the Term, the Submissive will wear clothing only approved by the Dominant. The Dominant will provide a clothing budget for the Submissive, which the Submissive shall utilize. The Dominant shall accompany the Submissive to purchase clothing on an ad hoc basis. If the Dominant so requires, the Submissive shall wear during the Term and any adornments the Dominant shall require, in the presence of the Dominant and at any other time the Dominant deems fit.

_Exercise:_

The Dominant shall provide the Submissive with a personal trainer four times a week in hour-long sessions at times to be mutually agreed between the personal trainer and the Submissive. The personal trainer will report to the Dominant on the Submissive's progress.

_Personal Hygiene/Beauty:_

The Submissive will keep herself clean and shaved and/or waved at all times. The Submissive will visit a beauty salon of the Dominant's choosing at times to be decided by the Dominant and undergo whatever treatments the Dominant sees fit.

_Personal Safety:_

The Submissive will not drink to excess, smoke, take recreational drugs, or put herself in any unnecessary danger.

_Personal Qualities:_

The Submissive will not enter into any sexual relations with anyone other than the Dominant. The Submissive will conduct herself in a respectful and modest manner at all times. She must recognize that her behavior is a direct reflection on the Dominant. She shall be held accountable for any misdeeds, wrongdoings, and misbehavior committed when not in the presence of the Dominant.

**Failure to comply with any of the above will result in immediate punishment, the nature of which shall be determined by the Dominant.**

* * *

When she finishes reading the document. She stares at it blankly for a moment before bringing her eyes to meet mine.

I am briefly transported back to when I first sat looking over my contract at the age of fifteen. Elena and I were in her kitchen, I had just completed four hours of grueling, back breaking stone removal for her husband and she asked me in for a snack and iced tea. She had never invited my inside before. When I hesitated, she repeated the previous three days episodes of slapping me hard across the face, grabbing my face and pushing her's against mine in a kiss, then backing away and slapping me hard again. This time she did not return into the house alone, she grabbed my ear and pulled me with her. She forcefully sat me into my chair and placed a glass in front of each of us before she came to rest across from me.

"Christian, I know you're working very hard to please myself and Mr. Lincoln with your work here. I also know, this job will be coming to an end in a few weeks. I would like to offer you a position working solely for me. We will begin with a six-month contract. It will require you to trust me, it will require you to listen to me and abide by my rules, and for you to begin to learn to control your body and it's impulses. Are you interested?"

"Umm…" I paused. I looked around the kitchen, not knowing how to respond. She grabbed my face again and looked into my eyes.

"It's me. Christian, you know you can trust me. I have only your interests at heart. I want to see you succeed in life. Right now, I know you may well be headed down a difficult path, I just want to give you a chance to right that and…" She paused for a moment and I noticed a hint of wickedness in her smile, "I'd like to teach you how to fuck. The proper way."

This time she didn't give me a chance to respond. She just began as I tried to conceal my now rock hard cock from her gaze.

"You will refer to me as Mistress Lincoln. When you arrive at work to remove rubble you will do so until 7pm then from 7-8pm we will begin your training. By the time the removal job is complete for Linc, you will be ready to begin working full time for me. Do I make myself clear, Christian?"

I sat stunned in silence. Her hand came hard across my cheekbone and I couldn't help the smile that formed on my face and the twitch in my pants. Here is this woman, hot older woman, who wants to teach me to fuck. And she hits me, and I like it. Yes. This is perfect.

"Christian. I am waiting for my answer. Now. You may speak."

"Yes, Mistress Lincoln. You have made yourself clear."

And that is when it all began.

* * *

Ana breaks me from my memory.

"Hard limits?" She asks.

"Yes. What you won't do, what I won't do, we need to specify all of these things in our agreement so everything is understood. Boundaries and trust are essential to this kind of relationship Ana. It's all about trust. Having these things in writing helps to assure that."

"Okay." She swallows and breaks for a moment before continuing. "I'm not sure about accepting money for clothes. That feels wrong to me." She shifts in her chair and I can tell she is uncomfortable with being labeled a whore.

"I want to lavish money on you. Let me buy you some clothes. Plus, I may need you to accompany me to functions, and I want you dressed well." Oh. This is a new thought. I've never wanted to bring a sub anywhere before besides Esclava, the salon where they have their treatments done, to meet Elena. _But Ana's different Christian. Ana is very different. _"I'm sure your salary, when you do get a job, won't cover the kind of clothes I'd like you to wear."

"I don't have to wear them when I'm not with you?"

"No."

"Okay." I sag momentarily back into my chair. Okay, Grey, back on guard, we're not done yet.

"I don't want to exercise four times a week."

"Anastasia, I need you supple, strong, and with stamina. Trust me, you need to exercise." Hours upon hours in the playroom can be cut all too short if you're not strong enough to withstand the multiple orgasms I will surely be giving you. Endurance is the key.

"But not four times a week. How about three?" No. Four.

"I want you to do four."

"I thought this was a negotiation?" She says as she raises her eyebrows at me. I can almost see her stamping her foot in her mind.

"Okay, Miss Steele, another point well made. How about an hour on three days and one day half an hour?"

"Three days. Three hours. I get the impression you're going to keep me exercised when I'm here."

Suddenly, I realize what she has just said and I smile at the thought. She said 'when'! I feel a sense of relief wash over my body and relish it for a moment before continuing.

"Yes, I am." Alright. Alright. You may win this battle as long as I win the war. "Okay, agreed. Are you sure you don't want to intern at my company? You're a good negotiator."

"No, I don't think that's a good idea." She says and she stares back at the page in her hands.

_Alright, Grey, you have momentum. Hit her with the limits. If she's going to even entertain the thought of walking into the darkness with you, she needs to know what the fucking boundaries are. _My subconscious is frantically drawing out battle lines in the sand, ready to take on the 'enemy'. Although, I'm not sure who is cast as the 'enemy' for him in this scene. And by the looks of him, he's not willing to share that intel.

"So, limits. These are mine." I say as I slide another piece of paper across the desk to her.

* * *

**HARD LIMITS**

No acts involving fire play.

No acts involving urination or defecation and the products thereof.

No acts involving needles, knives, piercing, or blood.

No acts involving gynecological medical instruments.

No acts involving children or animals.

No acts that will leave any permanent marks on the skin.

No acts involving breath control.

No activity that involves the direct contact of electric current (whether alternating or direct), fire, or flames to the body.

* * *

She looks as though she might vomit. Her face has lost the little coloring she had. Perhaps this is enough for tonight. Maybe I need to let this all sink in for her before she can continue to talk about it…

"Is there anything you'd like to add?" I ask. I'm aware that I am feeling again like a man in a cage with a wild animal who is unpredictable at best.

She sits, fixing me with a blank, pale gaze.

Try this again. "Is there anything you won't do?"

"Uh, I don't know."

I'm beginning to get the feeling I should get the fuck out of the cage before it's too late but I ignore that sensation, remain rooted to my spot and press on.

_That's what the lion tamer that was attacked two years ago in Vegas decided to do also, asshole. Grey, this is never going to happen._

She squirms again in her seat and rounds her shoulders over. Why is she making herself smaller? There's nothing to be embarrassed about here. I want her to be open with me, honest. She has to be if this is going to work. And then she bites her lip. Good god, I cannot keep resisting this.

"I've never done anything like this." Her voice mirrors her shoulders, hunched and small.

"Well, when you've had sex, was there anything you didn't like doing?" I press on, ignoring the hair beginning to stand up on the back of my neck. This always happens before I lose a deal. _Be gentle with her Christian. Gentle._

"You can tell me Anastasia. We have to be honest with each other or this isn't going to work." I repeat the words I said in my head only moments ago and watch her shift again in her seat. There's something she is hiding from me. I need to know, now. _Leave her alone, Grey. She's too pure for this shit. _

"Tell me." I command. Her cheeks flush and then I hear it…

"Well… I haven't had sex before, so I don't know." I know her voice is barely audible but her words ring on in stereo in my brain.

* * *

WHAT THE FUCK. I can't do this. She is completely forbidden for me. You can't take a virgin, someone as pure as her, and bring her into this kind of life. _Why not? Elena did. _My subconscious's words feel like the backhands she gave me all those years ago. No. She saved me. I owe her everything. My thoughts are pulled back to Ana when I hone in on her with my vision. I knew she was inexperienced; it was part of what drew me to her, but FUCK a fucking virgin. Oh this is so fucked up, even for me. I notice my face must look like I've just seen the crack whore's ghost. _Say something, Christian._

"Never?" All I can manage is a whisper. As she shakes her head I swallow my fears hard along with the bile that has just risen in my throat with all that she's now implying.

"You're a virgin?" She nods and flushes again. I close my eyes and rake my hands through my hair.

_Count to ten Christian. Hell count to fifty. That's more appropriate for this matter don't you think?!_ Fuck, even little man hopeful is giving me shit right now.

When I open my eyes again I cannot mask the anger residing there.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" I growl out through gritted teeth. Fucking hell, Ana.

I continue to run my hands through my hair and at some point I stood up from my chair. The energy coursing through my body is making it impossible for me to stay in one place never mind still entertain the thought of sitting down.

_Breathe Christian. Most people don't walk around with the number of how many people they've fucked plastered to their foreheads._

"I don't understand why you didn't tell me."

"The subject never came up. I'm not in the habit of revealing my sexual status to everyone I meet. I mean, we hardly know each other." She's staring at her hands and I gape at her, unbelieving.

"Well, you know a lot more about me now!" I snap and turn my head to look at the Seattle skyline. "I knew you were inexperienced, but a virgin!" I spit out the word to her like it's the crack whore's name. "Hell Ana, I just showed you…" I groan my voice trailing off as I realize the implications of what I'm asking her to do with me. "May God forgive me." Perhaps she's never even been kissed before? I need to know. "Have you ever even been kissed apart from me?" I breathe.

"Of course I have." But I don't feel the strength in her words. My bet is it hasn't been often if she's being honest. _If she hadn't been do you think she'd tell you with the way you're flying off the handle like this, Grey?_

"And a nice young man hasn't swept you off your feet? I just don't understand. You're twenty-one, nearly twenty-two. You're beautiful." I just don't get it. How is she still single, never mind a virgin, I wonder as I pull my hand through my hair once more.

I look at her to find her blushing, looking at her knotting fingers, trying hopelessly to conceal a large goofy grin on her face as I say she is beautiful. Well good. She should know these things. _Yes, she should Christian; it's okay to tell her she's beautiful. _My subconscious bites back at little man, _What are you crazy, her being a virgin means hearts and flowers and all kinds of romance and making love shit. This guy isn't capable of that. This guy- is a fucking monster. _With those words, I seriously want to prove my subconscious wrong. But I need to find out why she is even considering my lifestyle when she's never experienced sex before. _Why did you, Christian? _I respond mentally by reminding little man that I have not found anything that serves the thought of a traumatic life for Miss Steele prior to meeting me, so our reasons for considering are certainly not the same. He backs off with his hands in the air as if in surrender.

"And you're seriously discussing what I want to do, when you have no experience." I feel my forehead tighten as my brows weave together, "how have you avoided sex? Tell me, please." _Maybe she is gay. _No. She's not. I think back to her pure embarrassment at asking me if I was gay in the interview. No way is she gay. Just a virgin. I don't get it. How? Tell me, Ana.

She shrugs then continues, "No one's really, you know…" No I don't. Please elaborate. "Why are you so angry with me?" She says quietly.

I let out a heavy sigh. Not realizing I had been holding my breath much of our conversation.

"I'm not angry with you, I'm angry with myself. I just assumed…" _You know what they say about assumptions, Grey. When you assume you make an ass out of you and me. _Assuming is what got you to a place of a near panic attack and Ana sitting across from you desk looking like she'd rather disappear than be anywhere near you. I shake my head in hopes that all these thoughts bouncing around will subside.

"Do you want to go?" I ask and I realize immediately that I don't want her to leave. Not even now. In fact, this could work to my benefit, her being a virgin. I'd be the only one to have her. I'd be able to train her from the beginning. Teach her all the basics, all the techniques, everything. Hell this is suddenly looking like it could be fun, really fun.

"No, unless you want me to go," she murmurs quietly, but the look on her face probably reflects mine, panic at the thought.

"Of course not. I like having you here." I step back a moment and look at my watch. Oh wow, it's already quarter to one in the morning. "Listen, its late," I say and as I turn back to look at her she's biting her lip, god that does things to me. "And you're biting your lip, Miss Steele."

I begin to undress her with my eyes, thinking about what it will be like to know I'm the only man ever to see her skin flush as she topples over the edge of an orgasm, the only man to be inside her, the only man to fuck her. _Make love to her. _WHAT? Where did that thought come from? But suddenly, I don't care. I realize I'd like to have sex with her, no toys, no nothing, just beautiful Miss Steele and myself. _In your bed…_

"Sorry." She submits, but remains planted with her teeth crushing into her bottom lip. That mouth of hers is like pure sex.

"Don't apologize. It's just that I want to bite it, too, hard." Could I have squeezed any more carnality into those words? I sincerely doubt it. I watch as she pushes her thighs together and simultaneously pulls in a rush of air, her chest rising sharply in response.

That's it. I'm in. I'm hooked. I'm doing this. It's going to be hell when it falls apart. But I'm going to make love to Miss Steele, tonight, in my bed, if she'll have me. It goes against everything I know and value in my life, but for some reason, I want this with every fiber of my being. I don't know where this journey is going to end between Miss Steel and I, but I am certain I have no choice but to find out.

I feel a stab of pain lance through me at the idea that she will say no. I have to try. I attempt the fight the panic down and take control, "Come."

"What?" she asks, confused.

"We're going to rectify this situation right now." I say. _Not the best wording, Grey. She's not a situation and neither is her virginity. _Little man jumps behind my subconscious and adds, _Ana is not an acquisition in your usual sense, and you need to be sensitive to her. Now, stop being an ass and treat her right. _Okay, point well-made guys, I hear you.

"What do you mean? What situation?" _See, we told you._

"Your situation. Ana, I'm going to make love to you, now." There I said it. It's out there. Please, God, let her say yes. I won't be able to stand it if she says no.

"Oh." The shock registers on her face and she hasn't inhaled and exhaled since she last spoke. Fuck, I can't tell if that's a good response or not…

"That's if you want to, I mean, I don't want to push my luck." _Back off a little, Grey. There you go. Give her some room to breathe. You're really piling a lot of shit on the poor girl tonight, aren't you?_

She finally regains some semblance of composure and states, "I thought you didn't make love. I thought you fucked hard."

I grin and watch mesmerized as her breasts again shoot up with a sharp intake of breath beneath her blouse.

"I can make an exception, or maybe combine the two, we'll see. I really want to make love to you. Please, come to bed with me. I want our arrangement to work, but you really need to have some idea about what you're about to get into." Please say yes. _Hearts and flowers brought to you courtesy of Grey. This is new. Never thought I'd see the day. Beauty and her sadist beast. _"We can start your training tonight- with the basics. This doesn't mean I've come over all hearts and flowers; it's a means to an end, but one that I want, and hopefully you do, too." I say in response to my subconscious, but also to reassure my beautiful Ana. My Ana. My body relaxes at the thought.

"But I haven't done all the things you require from your list." She breathes, her voice rugged and husky like mine, laced with desire.

"Forget about the rules. Forget about all those details for tonight. I want you. I've wanted you since you fell into my office, and I know you want me. You wouldn't be sitting here calmly discussing punishment and hard limits if you didn't. Please, Ana, spend the night with me." I hold my hand out to her in hopes that she'll accept it. I can feel the excitement pulsing through my body, radiating off me as I gaze at her.

The moment her fingertips make contact with mine, I pull her into my chest, wrapping her in an embrace with her arms pinned to her side. I pull my hand into her hair and inhale her intoxicating scent. I pull her ponytail so her gaze comes to meet mine.

"You are one brave young woman," I whisper, the wonder evident in my voice. "I am in awe of you."

Her breathing changes with this statement and I take a chance. I lean forward and close the distance between our mouths, gently at first then I suck her lower lip. It takes every ounce of self-control not to bite hard into that plush pink edge and take her in my study. I want to do this right. I need to do this right.

"I want to bite this lip," I say before we've even put space between our mouths. I tug gently on it as I look into her eyes. She responds with a gentle moan and I know I have a green light. I smile and release her lip, but I need to hear her agree.

"Ana, please, let me make love to you."

"Yes," she whispers. I smile, take her hand, and lead her through the apartment once more.


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Hey guys, sorry for the lag in update. I had to play catch up at work from being out the beginning half of the week sick! But I managed a small chapter for you to hold you until the weekend! :] I'm also working on an original story that probably won't make its appearance for quite some time but just know that I'm also devoting some time to that too now! I'm really excited about it though, so don't be too upset please! ;]

Okay, Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews & pm's! I will catch up on replying to the registered users this weekend! Those who review under guest- thank you so much! I appreciate every bit of feedback I get from all of you! I'm about to hit 20,000 reads! WOW you guys are incredible! Okay, that's enough out of me. Enjoy & please review!

* * *

We enter my bedroom and I turn on the light. It feels strange having a woman in my bedroom but because it's Ana I don't seem to mind as much. Actually, come to think of it, I think I might enjoy this. She quickly scans the room, taking in the decoration. Large glass windows overlook the Seattle skyline, white walls, and my pale blue reading chair and bedspread. My bed is a large oversized four-poster whose wood perfectly matches that of my dresser. As she looks around, I move to the dresser and take off my watch.

Is this really happening? I'm about to make love to Miss Anastasia Steele. Someone pinch me please. _No, no, let's pinch her, _my subconscious jumps in. The thought brings a smile to my eyes and I notice her panting and trembling in front of me. I slowly remove my jacket and place it on the chair. Yes Miss Steele, I'm going slowly just for you. Drink it in. I can't wait to get you out of your clothing also.

I'm going to make you come like a train Ana. And I can't wait to jump on that express line. I'm just dressed in my jeans and white linen shirt and I note that her breathing has again increased in speed. _Keep going like this and she'll come before you even touch her, Grey. _Mmmm… I don't think I mind the sounds of that.

She is so damn beautiful. I can't wait to have my hands on her. My mouth on her. My cock inside her. How astonishing that this woman, the most innocent woman, is choosing me? She's going to trust me with this. I need to trust myself.

_Listen to her, read her body, keep yourself in control. Tonight is about taking it slow, cherishing her, Christian. You can do this. Just focus on Ana. Just focus on the beautiful woman in your bed._

My heart swells at the thought and I move across the room toward her. I mask my excitement by putting on my ultra-confident smile as I take off each shoe and sock individually, maintaining eye contact with those benevolent blue eyes the entire time.

_If she's a virgin Grey make sure you wrap it before you tap it_ my subconscious buts in, but I'm thankful as I ask if she's on the pill even though I'm certain her answer will be no. I reach into my drawer and take out a packet of condoms. Ever prepared. Ever hopeful.

"Do you want the blinds drawn?" I ask.

"I don't mind." Christ her voice is raspy and so sexy, I can't wait. "I thought you didn't let anyone sleep in your bed."

Hmmm. How can I avoid this question right now, because the way she is looking at me under those long lashes, I'd give her the world twice over. _Focus on her desire. Say something to make her squirm, Grey._

"Who says we're going to sleep?" I say under my breath, hoping it was just loud enough for her to hear. I glance at her and I have my answer. Her thighs have tightened against each other and her chest has increased intensity in its rise and fall beneath her shirt. _I want to unleash those beautiful breasts Miss Steele._

I prowl toward her, fueled by her physical reactions to my words and me. My heart feels like it's everywhere at once; in my chest beating against my ribcage, my ears, my throat, and the bottom of my stomach. Not to mention, my dick at this point too, throbbing and pitching a tent in my jeans just looking at her fully clothed.

"Let's get this jacket off, shall we?" My fingers itch to touch her skin as I grab the sides and slowly peel it off her shoulders. _Let's make her anticipation rise, Grey. Let's have some fun._

"Do you have any idea how much I want you, Ana Steele?" I whisper. I hear her breath stick in her throat and I know I've got her right where I want her. I look deep into her ocean blue eyes and can't help how wonderful it feels to be lost there for a moment. _Get lost in all of her Christian, not just her eyes, beautiful as they may be. _Right. The rest of her… I reach up and trace the back of my fingers down her face and they find a home at her chin. _Don't concentrate just on hip lips Grey. This is going to be over way before it starts you keep that up!_

I take a deep breath and whisper, "Do you have any idea what I'm going to do to you?" Leaning in, I close the distance between our mouths and tilted her chin upward.

Looking into her eyes, her pupils were huge, a pure sign of her desire for me. She swallowed as I paused here; just close enough to taste her sweet breath on my lips. I placed a swift, soft kiss on her lips and it was almost my undoing.

Desire ran through my body like a shock wave and it was almost my undoing. My whole body felt as though it had caught fire in the most glorious warmth I'd ever experienced. _Holy shit, what is that?_ _I want more._

My kiss began increasing in intensity, as I demanded more from her. I wanted to take everything she had and never lose the feeling. I slowly unbuttoned and peeled her out of her shirt, each time my fingertips brushed against her skin another jolt of warmth and electricity surged through my system. _This is glorious._

I stand back to look at the beautiful woman standing in front of me. "Oh Ana. You have the most beautiful skin, pale and flawless. I want to kiss every single inch of it." Hmm, maybe I can do part of this hearts and flowers deal after all. _Fat chance kid. You'll need more._ I decide to ignore my subconscious for the remainder of the evening. Nothing he has to say will be of use anyway. I want to focus solely on the ravishing creature glowing before me.

I reach out and remove her hair tie so her hair cascades down her back and over her shoulders. "I like brunettes," I say quietly, more to myself than to her. Suddenly my subconscious tries to jump in again with a snide remark about the crack whore, but really, now is not the time. I push the thought away by burying myself in Miss Steele and her impeccable mouth.

I demand her to let me in, our tongues sliding over one another and her body seemed to melt into mine instantly. I felt my entire body harden at the connection. _Christ, this is amazing, and I'm not even inside her yet. I want to kiss every inch of her. Now. _

I pull her against my body, burying one hand in her hair holding her head in place while the other travels luxuriously down her body and lands on her fine ass. I squeeze that full bottom of hers then pull her harder against me, reveling in the feel of her against my erection. My moans softly into my mouth and again I almost come undone. I want her so badly.

She reaches to grab my arms and I tense for a second, and then give into the sensations of our bodies against each other and our mouths entwined. Her hands move from my biceps to my face and hair. I feel a smile creep across my face as she tugs on my hair and moans into my mouth again. _Fuck me, Ana._

I walk her slowly backward until her knees find the bed. I want to see what her innocent face looks like when I inhale those delicious pheromones and make her come with my tongue. I drop to me knees in front of her and her eyes widen. She reminds me of a deer in headlights, but a horny deer as her breathing is shallow and she's sinking her teeth into her bottom lip with a ferocity I've not seen from her yet. I grab her hips in my hands to keep her in place and run my tongue along her stomach then give her tiny bites across the waistline of her jeans.

"Ah," she groans and my cock twitches in response. _Ha, there's plenty more where that came from Miss Steele. Ready or not, you're about to come._

I look up at her and from this angle her breasts look delicious in that pale blue lacy bra and her eyes shine. I reach up and undo the zipper, purposefully taking my time. I really want to enjoy this. I look her in the eyes as I continue to strip her of her jeans. Noting that each time our flesh meets my fingertips set aflame again.

_Showtime, Grey._

I like my lips and steady myself before diving into the apex of her thighs and inhaling deeply.

"You smell so good," I say and I can't hide the look of pure pleasure stretching across my face as I verbalize those words. _Wow._

I pull the duvet off the bed and push her gently onto the sheets so I have unfettered access to her feet. She props herself onto her elbows to witness what is coming next. _You'll never guess Miss Steele._

I decide to drag the pleasure out. I take off each shoe and sock, slowly running my fingernail up the instep of her feet. Then I mirror this with my tongue, then my teeth. I can see the evidence of her arousal on her panties and the sight makes me smile. She squirms under the touch and groans as she grips the side of the bed and lays back down. I can't help the small laughter that escapes my throat.

"Oh, Ana, what I could do to you." I whisper. _Fuck, she's so responsive._

I finish removing her jeans from her ankles and stand to take in the sight gracing my four-post bed. I need to be inside of her.

I feel my heart skip in my chest and I swallow a hard knot in my throat. Holy fuck.

"You're very beautiful, Anastasia Steele. I can't wait to be inside you." I say with honesty, trying to cram as much of the carnality I'm feeling into the words. But they spill out with a touch more of admiration than I anticipated. I need a moment to reign myself in.

"Show me how you pleasure yourself, Ana." She frowns immediately. What is she embarrassed?

"Don't be coy, Ana, show me." I whisper softly.

"I don't know what you mean," she says as she shakes her head.

"How do you make yourself come? I want to see." I need to see it before I put my hands on you. I don't want to lose control yet.

I see her shake her head again. "I don't."

I feel my eyebrows shoot up toward the heavens and I shake my head in total disbelief. I didn't think there was a woman over seventeen who didn't pleasure herself. Well I'll be damned. I'm learning a lot of new things today, aren't I? Miss Steele is a virgin. _Not for long. _Miss Steele doesn't touch herself. Which means Miss Steele has never experienced the mind numbing affects of an orgasm. Wow. I think I'm the perfect man to fulfill that honor this evening. Yes. The pleasure will be all mine.

"Well, we'll have to see what we can do about that." I say as I unbutton my jeans and slide them down, looking at Ana the entire time. I grab her ankles and pull her swiftly toward the edge of the bed. _Keep her on her toes!_

In this close proximity, I feel the heat radiating between our bodies. _Sex has never felt like this, and we haven't even really started yet. Fuck. Is this what I've been missing?_

I maintain my dominant command as I hover over her between her legs, demanding her to keep still. I trail kisses from the inside of her thigh, purposefully moving over the lacey material of her thong, and continuing up her belly landing finally on her luscious breasts.

"Baby, we're going to have to work n keeping you still."

I lie beside her on the bed, my erection pushing into her hip, and drag my hand up from her knee to her breasts; retracing the line my kisses have left stinging into her flesh. I take her breast into my hand and am in awe of how perfectly it fills my palms.

"You fit my hand perfectly, Anastasia." I push my fingertip into her bra and free her beautiful nipples from their lace prison. I repeat this on her other breast until both are free and open for the taking. Her nipples harden immediately. Pink round circles turn a darker shade as the blood rushes there.

"Very nice," I whisper as I blow a gentle breath onto one to distract her while my hand moves to the other. I roll her nipple back and forth and enjoy watching her eyes close and her chest rise in response to my touch. _Yes, Miss Steele, this is only the beginning of the pleasure I can show you. Shall I make you come like this? I think so._

Her knuckles turn white on the sheets as my lips find the breast my hand is not already attending to. Her moans and sharp breaths are pushing me forward.

"Let's see if we can make you come like this," I whisper, breathing cool air onto her now wet and ultra-sensitive nipple. I continue my slow; near torturous attention to her breasts until I begin to see her muscles tense.

"Oh…. Please," she begs and her head arches back and her mouth forms a perfect o. I can feel her fighting the release.

"Let go, baby." I tighten my pinch on her nipple and bear my teeth as she falls apart, shattering, in my hands. I bring my lips to hers and absorb the vibration of her moans into my mouth.

_Well, that was rewarding. And I haven't even begun to get off yet. This will be a night to remember._

Once her body is no longer shuddering in response, I break from her mouth and look into her eyes. They are dancing with joy and awe. I sport a smile of pure satisfaction on mine.

"You are very responsive, you're going to have to learn to control that, and it's going to be so much fun teaching you how." I say and I bury myself in her kiss again.

My hand begins to explore her body, running languidly south until I find her sex. I slip my fingers into the lace and can't help my gasp when I feel how wet she is. _Fuck, and that's all for me right now. Christ, she's so wet._

"You're so deliciously wet. God, I want you." I push my finger inside her and she cries out in response. This only fuels me further and I repeat it again and again, harder and harder.

_I need to be inside of her. Now. I can't wait any longer._

I pull off the lace barrier and my boxers so there is no longer anything separating us and grab a condom from the bedside table. I smile when I see how wide her eyes are as they stare fixed on my erection.

"Don't worry," I say as I pull on the condom, "You expand, too."

I lean down over her, my hands resting on either side of the bed and I grip a handful of the sheets in each fist. _Slow and steady, Christian. This is about making her feel loved and cherished, not just about how many orgasms you can give her before she's spent._

I stare into her eyes and ask, "You really want to do this?" Please say yes, I don't think I could stand you changing your mind now.

"Please," she responds. Her voice laced with need. With those words and the tone of her voice, my libido is ignited again and I want to fuck her, long and hard. Screw the hearts and flowers; I want to fuck her. I need to fuck her.

"Pull your knees up," I order. "I'm going to fuck you now, Miss Steele." I say as I position the head of my cock right at her entrance. I can feel her heat. I almost come undone at the mere thought of what's to come next. "Hard." And with a single thrust of my hips, I'm buried in her warmth.

"Aargh!" She cries out as her body tenses beneath me.

_You fuck head. Christian, you just tore through her, literally. You needed to ease into it. _No. She's okay. She has to be. But my God she feels so damn good.

I can feel my breathing is more erratic, matching hers as we look into one another's eyes.

"You're so tight baby. Are you okay?" I ask as the concern drips from my words. Her hands grip tightly to my forearms and I remain perfectly still. Once she's accustomed, we're taking off like a rocket. _Pace yourself Grey._

"I'm going to move, baby," I say and I move to the tip before surging forward again. At her cry I still again, concerned.

"More?" My voice sounds strange to even my own ears, more crude.

"Yes," she breathes and as I repeat the motion her cry converts to a moan as her body becomes familiarized with the sensation.

"Again?" I ask, knowing the answer before the words even fall from my mouth. She's ready.

"Yes." I hear, and it's my green light. I move this time without stopping. I let my weight push her into the mattress as I shift to my elbows. Feeling her tits pushing into my chest through my shirt is utterly incredible. I wonder in the back of my mind what it would be like to not have my shirt on at this moment, but shake it off and return sole focus to the rhythm of our hips and the mingling of our breath. I set a pounding rhythm and she meets me each time. I grab her face and kiss her passionately. Taking time to pull on her lip and suck hard. I feel her body begin to tighten under me and her skin becomes slick with a shine of sweat. Each powerful thrust bringing her climax nearer. _Christ, she feels like fucking heaven._

"Come for me, Ana," I choke out as her body releases and I follow suit, calling her name as we shatter together.


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Thanks for all the reviews & pm's, guest and registered users! I really appreciate all your feedback! Keep it coming! Just so you're all aware, I'm going to try my best to post tomorrow but if I can't it will more than likely be a little more than a week before the next post... I'll be going on Spring Break and may not have ample time to write and post! Sorry! But I'll be back with more as soon as I possibly can, I promise! - Well I hope you all enjoy! Review review review please! :]

* * *

Wow. That was incredible. So that's what all the fuss is about with vanilla huh? Maybe I should try that more often with Miss Steele. My breathing is beginning to slow and I can feel Ana's heartbeat under me. Our foreheads are resting together and I am fully aware that I want this moment to last as long as it can. I feel her eyes open as her lashes graze my eyelids. I wait a moment before opening mine, knowing the inevitability of getting lost in those big baby blues. I take a breath and open my eyes. Even though I tried to prepare myself for the proximity of her, my breath hitches in my throat and I feel my heart begin to pound again. I lay a kiss on her forehead and slowly ease out of her. I immediately regret it, feeling empty and cold. I wish I could stay buried in her forever.

"Did I hurt you?" I ask as I prop myself on one elbow and look at her. I need to close the distance between us somehow, so I reach out and tuck a stray hair behind her ear. She closes her eyes and leans into the contact. My fingertips light on fire again and suddenly I'm itching to touch her all over.

When she opens her eyes, she has a large grin on her beautiful face. "_You _are asking me if you hurt me?"

She's a funny girl with that smart fucking mouth. "The irony is not lost on me, but seriously, are you okay?" I couldn't help my smile, but I really need to know. Is she okay?

She stretches out like a cat in the sun, arms overhead, giving me a glorious vision of her body elongated and lean. The image of her stretched out and suspended from my playroom ceiling floods my brain and my stomach excitedly knots in response. I'm brought back to the present by her teeth sinking into her bottom lip seductively.

"You're biting your lip, and you haven't answered me." I feel my face fall as my mind begins to kick into hyperdrive thinking she's going to leave, that she won't agree, that I've hurt her and she'll never give us a try.

"I'd like to do that again." She whispers. Relief floods my system and desire runs rampant through my veins. We aim to please, Miss Steele. It can be arranged.

"Would you now, miss Steele?" I lean in and softly brush my lips at the corner of her mouth. I have to keep it at a swift contact or this will be over much sooner than either of us want. Control, Grey. "Demanding little thing, aren't you? Turn on your front."

Let's get rid of this bra, sexy as it is; right now it's in my way. My hands explore her backside on their own accord and settle on her ass. _Oh yes, I'll claim that one-day too. _

"You really have the most beautiful skin," I say as I lean forward, brush her silky hair off her shoulder and plant a trail of kisses across her alabaster skin.

"Why are you wearing your shirt?" I feel myself freeze a moment. Because I don't want you to touch my chest or back, I couldn't bear it. _It'll make her happy, Christian. Take it off. _I hesitate a moment then take it off knowing I can always restrain her if those delicate hands begin to wander. I return to my task of planting soft kisses on her skin.

"So you want me to fuck you again?" I whisper in her ear, knowing that my warm breath will send a charge directly to the center of her desire. My trail of kisses moves from her ear, down her neck, back to the place I began on her shoulder. My hands trace the curves of her waist. This woman is built like a goddess, made especially for me. I bend her knees up so her fantastic ass is in the air in front of me. _Fuck me. This is a sight for sore eyes._

"I'm going to take you from behind, Anastasia," I say as my fingers find her already dripping sex and my other hand grasps her hair at the base of her neck, holding her perfectly still.

"You are mine. Only mine. Don't forget it." The words excite me and I feel my erection stiffen against her leg. I reach forward and my fingers torch as I gently rub her clitoris in small circles until her breathing begins to change. _How can just touching her skin make me fingers ignite? _I lean forward and drag my teeth along her jaw line and inhale the smell of pomegranate and mango, marvelous.

"You smell divine." I say as I rub my nose into her hair, still circling that nub of nerve endings, causing her hips to circle with me. As much as I like the feeling of her ass grinding against my waist, I need to make this last.

"Keep still." I order, pushing my thumb inside, circling her warm wet center. _Christ, this is fucking amazing._

I can tell she is concentrating on keeping still but a moan escapes her lips. Yes, Miss Steele, let me hear you.

"You like this?" I tease as my teeth grab her ear again. My fingers still circle her and my thumb changes the rhythm by gliding in and out. The dual sensations will drive her wild, I smile to myself at the gargled response I receive.

"You're so wet, so quickly. So responsive. Oh, Anastasia, I like that. I like that a lot." I whisper quietly in her ear. I like you. I like you a lot, Ana. _Love her Christian. _I'm too invested in the pleasure of Anastasia to really register what Little Man Hopeful has thrown out there.

She moans again and her muscles tense like she wants to move, _no no, Miss Steele, I have the control here._ I remove my thumb and taste her sweet delight, salty with a pinch of copper, which I know is the remnants of her virginity. The thought pleases me; I'm the only man to ever be here, _the Promised Land_. I tell her to open her mouth as I thrust my thumb in watching her eyes flutter open and closed until she finally settles down sucking the pad gently.

"See how you taste, suck me, baby."

As she begins to suck with more ferocity I feel the sensation in my groin. "I want to fuck your mouth, Anastasia, and I will soon." Her teeth sink into my flesh and I pull on the handful of hair just past the point of pain to let her know I do not approve. She releases me.

"Naughty, sweet girl. Stay still, don't move." I release her to sheath myself with a condom. _Are you ready for this, Christian? Slow and passionate this time. Slow and passionate. Deliberate. Let her feel you, not just your fucking prowess. _

I return my hand to her hair as I position myself at her entrance, my heart beating wildly in anticipation once more.

"We're going to go real slow this time, Anastasia." I slowly ease into her until she has all of me buried deep within her. My mind empties itself of all else; it is just Ana and I, coming together.

I set a rhythm; in, circle, out, all in a slow and deliberate manner. I want to make her crazy with need for me; I want her to feel what I am already feeling… Desire for more. More of what, I'm not sure, but I know I want more of Miss Steele.

"You feel so good," and I feel her walls begin to tremble around me I pull back to the tip and still until she's calmed. "Oh no, baby, not yet." I want to enjoy this and I want it to last.

"Oh, please," she begs me. The need in her voice is evident.

"I want you sore, baby. Every time you move tomorrow, I want you to be reminded that I've been here. Only me. You are mine." And I want you to beg me for your climax. A moan escapes from deep in her throat and I feel the vibrations radiate to my erection positioned deep within her.

"Please, Christian." I hear her whimper.

"What do you want, Anastasia? Tell me." I need to hear you say it. She groans and I continue my torturous rhythm.

"Tell me," I urge her.

"You, please."

I increase the rhythm as her insides begin to quicken again. I revel in the feel of us, together.

"You. Are. So. Sweet. I. Want. You. So. Much." I say between each thrust, my skin slapping hard against her backside.

She moans and I cannot hold on any longer.

"You. Are. Mine. Come for me, baby," I grit out as we fall over the ledge of utter bliss together.

I collapse onto her back and bury my nose in her hair, inhaling her scent thinking _I must remember this smell. _

Despite the words in my mind, "Fuck Ana" falls unfiltered from my lips. She curls into a ball, hugging her knees to her chest, and drifts to sleep.

* * *

I lie awake watching her, as I did just last night, for hours upon hours.

_She is so beautiful._

_She just gave me a precious gift._

_She is all mine. I am the only man to ever be inside her._

_I just made love to a woman._

_I just made love to Ana._

_I just fucked Ana._

_Can she be my Submissive?_

_Do I want her to just be my Submissive? I do love her smart mouth._

_No. I have Submissives so they follow the rules I put in place to keep them safe… keep me safe. She needs to agree to be my Submissive. There is no other way._

_Christian, _Little Man pipes in; _there are plenty of other ways, you're just afraid to go there. You're ready. Ana will guide you. Trust her. Trust yourself._

I shake my head, overwhelmed with the multitude of thoughts speeding in circles around the track.

I pull the duvet cover over Ana, grab a pair of sweatpants out of my drawer, and head to my study. I grab my iPod and play the one song playing in a loop in my mind while I watched Ana sleep, a soundtrack to the thousand thoughts running rampant. Every word says the feelings I'm experiencing. I search for Joshua Radin: Paperweight and close my eyes. Every word washes over me and sticks to my body, never really leaving my consciousness.

* * *

Been up all night staring at you

Wondering what's on your mind

I've been this way with so many before

but _this feels like the first time_

You want the sunrise to go back to bed

I want to make you laugh

Mess up my bed with me

Kick off the covers

I'm waiting

Every word you say I think I should write down

Don't want to forget come daylight

Happy to lay here

Just happy to be here

I'm happy to know you

Play me a song

Your newest one

_Please leave your taste on my tongue_

Paperweight on my back

Cover me like a blanket

Mess up my bed with me

Kick off the covers

I'm waiting

_Every word you say I think I should write down_

_Don't want to forget come daylight_

And no need to worry

That's wasting time

_And no need to wonder what's been on my mind_

_It's you… It's you… It's you._

Every word you say I think I should write down

Don't want to forget come daylight

And I give up

I let you win

You win 'cause I'm not counting

_You made it back to sleep again_

_Wonder what you're dreaming._

* * *

I let her win. I made love to her. Right now, I'm fully aware, I'm not in control. All of my carefully crafted control that I worked so many years to build, has been taken down piece by piece by the ravishing, innocent, blue eyed, co-ed Anastasia Rose Steele in a few short weeks.

I need her to agree to be my Submissive so I might gain back some control. I need to. I need her.

I hate the feeling of helplessness. I don't do helplessness. But I love the feeling of being with her, also.

When the song comes to a close, I sigh heavily and retreat to my own music making. Music has always been my solace. When I don't have the words, music speaks for me. It conveys unbearable sadness, frustration, anger, and for some the happiness they feel; for me, it's always been my sadness. The sadness that I hide beneath my commanding, dominant, and pulled together mask that I wear for the world is freed in my playing the piano.

I place my fingers on the keys and recognize they are cool to the touch, a stark contrast to the fire ignited by Ana's skin just a few hours ago. I begin playing Transcription by Bach, each time I finish, I repeat it again in it's entirety. I lose myself in the music, the beauty of the sounds under the soft circle of light emitting from the lamp beside md. I hear the sound of soft footsteps and feel her eyes on me, that faint pull of electricity in the air. I focus on the keys more intently for a moment before looking up into her ocean eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you," she whispers quietly when our eyes meet.

"Surely, I should be saying that to you," I say, a frown marring my face, as I continue playing and finish the piece. I run my fingers through my hair as I stand. _Shit, I should have kept the top down it would have been quieter. Maybe then I wouldn't have woken her._

I walk toward her frame wrapped in the duvet, and state, "You should be in bed."

"That was a beautiful piece, Bach?"

"Transcription by Bach, but it's originally an oboe concerto by Alessandro Marcello."

"It was exquisite, but very sad, such a melancholy melody."

Oh, Miss Steele, how right you are, I am but a sad and melancholy man.

My subconscious attempts to butt in to make what I'm positive would be a rude comment but I cut him off by ordering Ana, "Bed or you'll be exhausted in the morning."

"I woke and you weren't there." Her words hit me like a ton of bricks to my stomach.

"I find it difficult to sleep, and I'm not used to sleeping with anyone." I cannot bring myself to make eye contact with her. Tonight has been a very intimate affair and I feel myself wanting to both hold her close and banish her from my space at the same time. How can this be? I feel so confused. I feel so comfortable. I feel so afraid. I don't want to have to depend on anyone else, but here I am hoping desperately that she'll agree to my terms so I might keep her in my life. This is why I avoid these feelings. This is why I hide behind contracts and rules.

_Tonight, I shall put all these thoughts aside. Tonight, I shall sleep with her in my arms._

"How long have you been playing? You play beautifully." Her voice brings me back to reality as I make contact with her waist and guide her back to my bedroom.

"Since I was six." The memory of me sitting on my Grace's lap, the woman who adopted me at four, the woman who saved me from the hospital when I was four and took me into her home, floods my mind, she was always so warm and patient with me. Especially when music was my only form of conversation.

"Oh."

"How are you feeling?" I ask trying to distract myself from the thoughts bouncing around my head again.

"I'm good," she replies as I reach to switch on the sidelight.

_Shit. There's blood on the sheets. _

"Well, that's going to give Mrs. Jones something to think about, I mutter as I see her pull the duvet tighter around her body and her cheeks suddenly match the color of the stains on the sheet. I place myself in front of her line of vision and tilt her head back with my hand on her chin. I'm about to brush my lips across hers as I see her reaching her hand up to touch my chest.

FUCK NO. HARD LIMIT. _You haven't told her she can't touch you yet Christian, she doesn't know any better right now. Don't be a dick._

_Grey, you're a monster, let her go. You're not the man for her. You already tore through her virginity. She deserves a normal relationship, not one with a man who she can't touch feely… with a man who can never really love her back._

_Yes, you can Christian. You can love her back. You will. You do._

I shake my head in attempt to empty the thoughts again to no avail.

"Get into bed," I say harshly. Shit. Too much. "I'll come and lie down with you," I say in a more soothing voice. Okay, better. I see her frown and then drop her hand. I get a t-shirt from my dresser and climb into bed behind her. I pull her tightly into my embrace and soak in her warmth to heat my frigid heart.

_What heart, Grey?_

I ignore my subconscious, inhale her intoxicating scent, and kiss her hair as she begins to relax into my arms.

"Sleep, sweet Anastasia."

* * *

I fall into a troubled sleep, not plagued with my normal nightmares but Ana in a cage, alone and scared, pleading for me to love her; pleading for the one thing I cannot give her… Me. My love. My heart. Because I don't know how. Her words, "I woke and you weren't there," were resounding in a loop in my dreams.

I wake several times throughout the night but each time find comfort when I wake by finding her still in my arms, sleeping soundly with a slight smile on her face. She murmured my name in her sleep, "Christian" and it's as wonderful as the first time she said it, leaving it hanging in the air between us at the elevator doors.

_She is the end of life, as I know it._


	13. Chapter 13

AN: I was able to get this out! Phew! Enjoy! I know I sure enjoyed writing it! You probably won't have a post from me until next week now, as I'm on spring break. But please, review and let me know you're feedback! Thanks everyone! You're all amazing! :]

* * *

I wake to a light filled room and find an empty bed beside me as my hand reaches for her silky form. I hear Ana in the kitchen and the aroma in the air is intoxicating, eggs, pancakes, and mmm bacon. I stretch out on the bed and my mind flits through the events of last night; the anxiety and excitement, the flight in Charlie Tango, she signed the NDA, looking at her in my playroom, finding out she's a virgin, making love to her, fucking her, giving her three orgasms, the music, and sleeping with her wrapped tightly in my arms. I note with amazement that after a few bouts of waking from troubled dreams, I soon fell into a deep sleep uninterrupted by my snarky subconscious.

As I near the bedroom door I can hear Ana's music before I see her headphones in. She's flailing about the kitchen with a whisk in hand. _Is that supposed to be dancing? _Little man hopeful has positioned himself at a judge's table next to my subconscious; both are covering their eyes and shaking their heads from side to side.

She's barefoot, wearing my white button up linen shirt from yesterday and with the sunshine streaming through the windows I see she is stark naked under it, my cock jumps at the sight of her. She's put her hair into messy pigtails. Playing that innocent look while dressed like that will not save you from my ravage, Miss Steele. I decide to sit on the barstool at the breakfast counter and just observe her. She looks so young, careful, and happy. I'm in awe of this woman. She really is something else.

When she turns around, she's startled to see me sitting with my chin in my hand watching her. She let's me see that beautiful flush on her cheeks before taking her headphones out of her ears.

"Good morning, Miss Steele. You're very energetic this morning," I say dryly. I cannot keep the smile from spreading across my face momentarily, but I mask it quickly. _You must not give too much away so soon, Grey._

"I-I slept well," she stutters, studying my face for a clue to how I'm feeling. Her blue eyes are probing and I repeat the mantra, _keep the mask intact._

"I can't imagine why," I pause and decide to stray from my mantra for a moment, "so did I after I came back to bed."

She notices my frown then asks, "Are you hungry?" For food? Yes. For you? Always.

"Very."

"Pancakes, bacons, and eggs?"

I'd rather you on the kitchen counter right now.

"Sounds great."

"I don't know where you keep your placemats." She looks slightly frazzled and I decide to help her out. I wish she still looked as happy and carefree as she had before she noticed my presence in the room. Maybe if she has music on again, that aura will return.

"I'll do that. You cook. Would you like me to put some music on so you can continue your… er… dancing?" I can't help but hope she'll say yes. I desperately want to see her in higher, more relaxed spirits again but she stares down at her fingers, knotting them fervently.

"Please, don't stop on my account. It's very entertaining." I add to try to lighten the mood. _Is she embarrassed? I liked seeing her thrashing around, it was endearing. _

She purses her lips at my wry comment and returns to beating the eggs. I need to touch her, feel her warmth on my skin. I close the distance between us and reach to grab the end of her pigtail, tugging on it gently.

"I love these," I whisper seductively in her ear. "But they won't protect you." If I can't have her relaxed and bright, I might as well have her squirming with desire. _Yes._

"How would you like your eggs?" She asks, as she crosses her right ankle over her left, effectively pushing her thighs together.

I smile at the observation of her movement and reply, "Thoroughly whisked and beaten."

I set to work putting out the placemats, plates, and silverware. I pour us both a glass of orange juice, place the plates into the oven to heat, and begin making myself come coffee. I remember she doesn't like coffee and I had Mrs. Jones pick up her favorite brand of tea from the market. "Would you like some tea?" I ask.

"Yes, please. If you have some."

Oh, why Miss Steele, I am ever prepared and ever hopeful.

I reach into the cabinet and pull out her favorite, Twinings English Breakfast tea and when my gaze turns to meet hers she looks disapproving… why?

"Bit of a forgone conclusion, wasn't I?" Oh.

"Are you? I'm not sure we've concluded anything yet, Miss Steele."

I still hate waiting. I fucking don't do waiting. But here I am, waiting weeks for an answer, courting Miss Steele, and making love to her, letting her sleep in my bed. Yes, looks like a lot of things are happening differently than normal around here. And I realize that _I don't hate it._

The food in front of me smells delectable. Anastasia can cook. I like the way this is turning out. It's always a nightmare if I have a Submissive whose culinary abilities rival mine, microwavable meals and cereal.

"Miss Steele." I say motioning for her to join me.

"Mr. Grey." I can't but feel like she's goading me. But my mind releases that thought as I see her wince when she sits on the barstool.

"Just how sore are you?" I ask. She flushes on cue.

"Well, to be truthful, I have nothing to compare this to," she snaps but I feel a sense of pride wash over me at the thought. Yes, only me. "Did you wish to offer your commiserations?" Now she's gone sweet again. Christ, I can't keep up with her.

_Funny, bet she says the same about you, Grey._

I stifle my smile and continue, "No. I wondered if we should continue your basic training." I pick up a forkful of egg and pop it into my mouth. Wow, she's actually a really good cook. Not quiet at the level of Mrs. Jones, but she's really quite good. Her breath hitches in anticipation and as I continue eating, she just stares at me, open-mouthed. _That reminds me, I really want to fuck her mouth… perhaps today will be the day after all._

"Eat, Anastasia." After a long pause, I clear half of the food on my plate, "This is delicious, incidentally." I'm not able to suppress the grin from forming on my face.

She eagerly stabs her fork into her omelet then mindlessly eats the serving. She reminds me of a child who is so involved in the movie they are watching at the movies that they miss their mouths with each handful of popcorn, littering the floor beneath their chair with yellow buttery kernels. Then she bites down into her lip. _Fuck Ana._

"Stop biting your lip. It's very distracting, and I happen to know you're not wearing anything under my shirt, which makes it even more distracting."

"What sort of basic training do you have in mind?" She asks in a pitch much higher than her norm as she submerges her tea bag into the cup for a fraction of a second then removes it.

I do affect her. There's no more question of that.

"Well, as you're sore, I thought we could stick to oral skills?"

She chokes on her tea and her eyes just about pop out of her skull, _Yes, Miss Steele, today I will fuck your mouth as promised. _I pat her gently on her back, my fingers now familiar with the rush of warmth at our touch and I pass her some juice to help wash down the tea.

"That's if you want to stay," I add hesitantly.

"I'd like to stay for today. If that's okay. I have to work tomorrow at nine so I'd like to go home tonight to get clean clothes."

"We can get you some here." I wouldn't mind taking you shopping. Louboutin, Cartier, Prada, high quality and sexy as hell; yes, Caroline Acton would love to do some shopping for you Miss Steele. And I have the money to spoil you. She's biting that damn lip of hers again. If she keeps this up I'm going to need to fuck her, and she's sore, so I don't want to have to do that. I reach up and pull her lip free.

"What is it?" I ask.

"I need to be home this evening."

I purse my lips and take a steadying breath. Fine. I feel like a petulant child who's just had their favorite television show turned off.

"Okay, this evening. Now eat your breakfast." Give a little take a little. I can play this game… for now.

She just stares at her food, seemingly willing it to disappear off her plate without her having to actually ingest it.

"Eat, Anastasia. You didn't eat last night."

"I'm really not hungry," she says, her words just above a whisper.

I'm not budging on this. I narrow my eyes and state, "I would really like you to finish your breakfast."

"What is it with you and food?" Because I know what it's like to be hungry! No, I can't go there yet. Not yet.

I knit my brow and say, "I told you, I have issues with wasted food. Eat," I retort a bit harsher than intended but it gets the job done. She clears her plate in a mere five minutes.

"You cooked, I'll clear," I say proudly.

"That's very democratic of you," the smile present on her face briefly caches me off guard and I feel as though all my insides have melted away to be replaced by warm butterflies.

"Yes." I feel a frown mar my face. "Not my usual style. After I've done this we'll take a bath."

"Oh, okay." Her cellphone begins to ring. I go about finishing the clearing of our dishes as she wanders toward the balcony. I can only assume the purpose of this is so I do not hear her conversation. The thought irks me.

I cannot hear most of her words but bits and pieces are loud enough.

"Kate, I don't want to talk over the phone." I glance at her hoping she'll hold true to her word, she signed an NDA. That's sacred in my world.

"Kate, please!" I hear her whine then she snaps at her, "I'll see you this evening." She ends the call by mashing the end call button before looking up at me. She's moving toward me like I'm now the wild animal. What does she have up her sleeve?

"The NDA, does it cover everything?" She asks quietly, tentatively.

"Why?" I watch as her cheeks flush. Where's she going with this? I hate not feeling like I'm in control. I need to regain control of this er… negotiation… relationship… contract…. I don't even know what to call it.

"Well, I have a few questions, you know, about sex. And I'd like to ask Kate." Look at me, Ana. Her gaze is cast down to her fingers and I will her to glance up in my direction. I need to see your eyes to know what your thinking baby.

"You can ask me."

"Christian, with all due respect…." She pauses for a moment before continuing; it's just about mechanics. I wont mention the Red Room of Pain."

THE WHAT? Red Room of Pain? I want to laugh and spank her all at the same time. I feel my eyebrows shoot toward the sky as the words fall from her mouth.

"Red Room of Pain? It's mostly about pleasure, Anastasia. Believe me. Besides, your roommate is making the beast with two backs with my brother. I'd really rather you didn't."

"Does your family know about your.. um, predilection?"

_No. Are you kidding? He decided it was better they thought he was gay than to tell them he liked to whip little brown haired girls then fuck them every which way because he's angry at his crack whore mother for neglecting and abandoning him. Did I cover it all, Grey?_

"No. It's none of their business." Close the gap, get the control back.

"What do you want to know?" I ask as I close the distance between us and tilt her chin back with my fingertips. There are those gorgeous blue eyes.

"Nothing specific at the moment," she can barely get the words out.

"Well, we can start with: How was last night for you?" I need to know.

"Good." I feel the small smile creep across my face.

"Me, too. I've never had vanilla sex before. There's a lot to be said for it. But then, maybe its because its with you." I run my thumb across her lower lip and she inhales sharply. My cock jumps in response and I know I need to have her even closer now. No other has rivaled the intimacy I've shared with this woman the last twenty-four hours. I want it to continue.

"Come, let's have a bath." I lean in and brush my lips across hers, which are so soft. My body responds immediately and by the time we part I'm at full attention and she's panting.

* * *

I lean over the edge of the white stone, deep, egg-shaped bath to pour some jasmine oil and begin running the water. I turn to meet the gaze of Ana then strip out of my shirt, discarding it on the floor, and extend my hand to her. She's still standing in the doorway. Her arms are wrapping around her torso in a tight hug. She's dressed in only my white linen shirt, her iPod sticking out of the pocket and her hair in pigtails falling just below her breasts.

"Miss Steele."

She walks slowly toward me, takes my hand, and I guide her into the bath.

"Turn around, face me." Fuck, she is so gorgeous. I can't even handle it right now. And she's chewing her lip again. _Control, Grey. Control. Oral skills. She's sore._

"I know that lip is delicious, I can attest to that, but will you stop biting it? Your chewing it makes me want to fuck you, and you're sore, okay?"

She gasps and unleashes her lip. A look of utter shock nestles onto her beautiful face.

"Yeah, get the picture?" There's a hint of teasing in my tone, but she catches my undertone of desire. She nods frantically in response.

"Good." iPod, Christian. "Water and iPods- not a clever combination." I mutter as I pull it out of the pocket, place it on the sink, and return to Ana. I grasp the shirt's bottom hem and slowly lift it over her head. _This is like unwrapping a Christmas present. Amazing. _I discard the shirt quickly onto the floor, and step back to admire Aphrodite in front of me when I notice her staring at her hands, wringing them together nervously.

"Hey, Anastasia, you're a very beautiful woman, the whole package. Don't hang your head like you're ashamed. You have nothing to be ashamed of, and it's a real joy to stand here and gaze at you." I gently hold her chin and tilt her head back so she's forced to look into my eyes. I want to lean forward and taste her sweet breath. But the look in her eyes says she wants more than that right now. Control. _If you kiss her right now, you'll not be able to control yourself._

"You can sit down now." I command, more to halt my thoughts than to admonish her.

She sits and winces briefly when her sex hits the water. She relaxes back and closes her eyes, her body stretched out, and she looks like a goddess. I can't take my eyes off her.

"Why don't you join me?" She asks, her voice more husky than usual. _Don't mind if I do, Miss Steele. I thought you'd never ask._

"I think I will. Move forward." I order. I strip off my sweatpants, discarding them with the rest of my clothing and drop in behind her. The water is warm; it sends a shock through my system as the steam hits my skin before it's submerged in the hot water. I place my legs over hers to restrain her legs from closing. Ahh, this is a most perfect view, the rise and fall of her chest brings her magnificent mounds in and out of my view over her shoulders. I bury my nose in her hair and inhale deeply. Her smell is intoxicating.

"You smell so good, Anastasia."

I feel her body buckle beneath mine at my words. I smile into her hair as the power swings back into my control.

I reach for the body wash and squeeze a small amount into my hand. I'm well aware that you only need a small dose for ample lather; I rub my hands together, creating a thick and soft handful of foam. My fingers itch to touch her as I begin gently massaging the lather into her neck, shoulders, and collarbone. She groans appreciatively and places her hands onto my thighs.

"You like that?" I ask, not even attempting to hide my smile.

"Hmm." Not even the ability to form a word to respond. Yes, I have been told I'm that good.

I continue lathering down the rest of her body, paying attention to her arms, sliding across her breasts then kneading them tenderly. Her body bows back against me, pushing her breasts further into my palms, and while I could spend hours just focusing on this wonderful area, I have other plans in store. I can feel her breathing and pulse change, quickening. Her hold on my thighs tightens when I reach for a washcloth and add more body wash to it. I lean down and slowly wash between her legs. She's literally holding her breath and I feel my erection stiffen further behind against her back. I fuel her desire and arousal by caressing her, playing her like I learned to last night. Her body responding, her hips moving with my rhythm, her head pressing back against my shoulder, her eyes closing tightly shut, and her mouth releasing all tension.

"Feel it, baby," I say into her ear then gently I tug on her lobe with my teeth. "Feel it for me." She's getting close; just close enough. I want her aroused and alert, but slightly frustrated.

"Oh… please," she pleads as she tries to straighten her legs to no avail because I have her pinned against the sides of the bath with my own. _Ready or not…_

"I think you're clean enough now." The words come out accompanied by a wicked grin on my face.

I stop all caressing and watch her breathing deteriorate into an uneven pace before she chokes out, "why are you stopping?"

"Because I have other plans for you, Anastasia." Yes. "Turn around, I need washing, too." Her breathing has begun to slow and a mischievous smile plays upon my face as I grab my erection firmly. She turns around and her mouth drops to the floor.

"I want you to become well acquainted, on first name terms if you will, with my favorite and most cherished part of my body. I'm very attached to this." And you will be too. _I think your favorite part of your body will change with this one, Grey. You're falling. You're already in deep. Dare we say your heart might just grow as your relationship does. Grinch no more. _I can't believe my subconscious and Little Man Hopeful are both ganging up on me here.

I shake the thoughts away and focus on my hand on my cock and Ana in front of me, eyes wide with delight and shock. She's staring at my dick, blatantly staring. I have to say, that's another first.

She smiles and reaches for the body wash. She reaches forward with foamy hands and concentrates on my eyes now. Her lips are parted and she sinks her teeth into her lip then traces the space vacated by her teeth with her tongue. _Fuck me, she did that on purpose. You want to play Miss Steele? _

She reaches forward and places a hand on my cock, following how I'm holding myself. I revel in her touch for a moment, closing my eyes, as a wave of pleasure ripping through my body at the slightest contact. She squeezes and I place my hand over hers.

"Like this." I whisper as I slowly move our hands up and down my length holding a strong grip around her fingers so she'll tense also. Oh, this feels so good. I close my eyes again and feel my breath hitch in my throat. I open my eyes and can feel the heat radiating through my body.

Okay, your turn Miss Steele, let's see if that GPA lends itself to sexual acts as well as British Literature.

"That's right, baby."

I release my hand and close my eyes yet again. I hear the sloshing of the water and our mingled ragged breath. Christ, this feels so good.

Suddenly her lips are wrapped around my tip and she's sucking gently. _Fucking hell. This woman is goddamn amazing._

"Whoa… Ana." My eyes shoot open and she sucks harder with more tenacity.

"Christ," is all I can manage before I sink down and close my eyes again.

She takes me further into her mouth and a low growl escapes my throat. She's gaining confidence. She moves back to the tip, swirls her tongue around then takes me deep into her mouth again when I flex my hips toward her. _I want to fuck her mouth. Now._ I open my eyes to watch this goddess at work. She supports herself on my thighs and I grab her pigtails. _Handlebars. _I heard kids in high school droning on and on about wanting their girlfriends to do this for them, now I know why. This is fucking unreal. I feel a bit of my self-control unravel as I begin to move my hips more freely, my muscles tensing as the pleasure ensues.

"Oh… baby… that feels good."

She sucks harder and flicks her tongue across the tip. Christ. I can't believe this is her first time doing this. _It better be her first time. She's mine. _I shake the unwelcome thought by pushing my cock deeper into her mouth again. She puts pressure behind her lips with her teeth and drives her head down, taking me further, to the hilt.

"Jesus. How far can you go?" I whisper in awe.

Apparently she took that as a challenge. She pulled me deeper into her mouth, sucking harder from the tip to the base. I can feel every texture of her mouth, from her tongue to the roof to the smooth inside of her lips and the back of her throat. This is un-fucking-real. I'm going to come. Fuck me, Ana.

"Anastasia, I'm going to come in your mouth. If you don't want me to, stop now." I push my hips forward again, my hands still fisted into her hair, my eyes not leaving hers. She pushes down further and sinks in her teeth. That's enough to send me spiraling over the edge into oblivion, I still calling out some garbled version of her name. My body goes rigid as I empty myself into her mouth, then I slack against the smooth edge of the bath.

When I open my eyes, trying to control my breathing yet again, I see Ana staring at me looking quite pleased with herself. The thought causes my insides to liquefy again; pleasing me has made her this happy.

"Don't you have a gag reflex? Christ, Ana… that was…. Good, like really good. Unexpected, though." I sigh heavily. "You never cease to amaze me."

She smiles and bites her lip and suddenly I need to know if she's done that before.

"Have you done that before?" I try to keep the anticipation out of my voice but I fail miserably.

"No." She smiles a full bright smile that causes my heart to stutter in my chest. Fuck.

"Good. Yet another first, Miss Steele. Well you get an A in oral skills. Come, let's go to bed, I owe you an orgasm."

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_Review please :) Thanks for reading! More to come as soon as I possibly can get it written and posted! I promise! :)_


	14. Chapter 14

HELLO FAITHFUL READERS! I'm back from my break and have a short chapter for you because I wanted to get this out to you as soon as I could! So, I plan on having another update for you all by Saturday at the latest! **Keep the reviews and PMs coming!** You guys are my motivation! :)

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I climb out of the bath and wrap a towel around my waist, fully aware of Ana's gaze greedily devouring my naked body. I smirk to myself before turning around careful not to let her see my smile in the mirror.

_It's just a pretty package baby. The inside isn't nearly as attractive, that I can assure you. _Both my subconscious and little man hopeful shrug their shoulders and grudgingly agree.

I turn around and offer her my hand in hopes that I can feel that delicious current of electricity while providing her a bit of support and security. I wouldn't want her to slip and hurt herself. That scenario just wouldn't fit into my plans for her. I can't wait to taste her sweetness.

I wrap her into an extra large overly fluffed white towel, her arms pinned at her sides, and gently squeeze her shoulders. I'm acutely aware of just how badly I want her to agree to our arrangement. Now I feel it even more so. _Christ, I've never wanted anything so badly in my life. _I pull her to my chest and crash into her mouth, kissing her fervently and passionately. How much need can I portray in a kiss? How else can I have her see just how badly I want this fantasy to become a reality?

In a moment she is returning my kiss, bewildered, but passionate. I hold her head in my palms and pull back to lose myself completely in those deep blue heavenly eyes. I resurface to a small smile across her lips. _Shit, she really is stunning._

"Say yes," I whisper. I can feel the buzz of excitement and anticipation in my body at the mere prospect of her submission and the furthering of our relationship.

My heart sinks when I see the frown marring her beautiful brow.

"To what?" she asks. What do you mean 'to what?'

"Yes to our arrangement. To being mine. Please, Ana." _Christ, who would've thought, Christian Grey, begging for the attention of a woman. _I lean in and kiss her again, to remind her of the chemistry we have and my desire for her. I am rewarded with a small moan from the back of her throat. Now, I'll show her what wonders my world can behold. I step back, stare at her for a moment, taking in the contour of her body beneath the towel, the curve of her face, and her hair, wet at the ends, hanging past her shoulders. I steady my breathing and reach for her hand, leading her into my bedroom.

_Let's show her a small step. No toys yet, she's not ready for that. Cuffs? Too harsh, Grey. Rope? Try again. Her panties… now that holds promise. No, I'll hold off on that one for later on. A tie. Yes. That's what I need._

"Trust me?" Even I can hear the anxiety laced through my voice.

She nods, wide eyed, in response as she takes in a cleansing breath.

_Hallelujah! Now let's have some fun, Grey._

"Good girl," I say as I reach out and trace her bottom lip with the pad of my thumb. That electric hum sent through my body makes my stomach knot slightly and I'm thankful for the walk to my closet to compose myself. I look around at the rack where I keep my ties and run my hand across them for textures. I need the right feel. My eyes set upon my grey woven tie with stitching that resembles metal pleating. _Yes, this is it._ I pull it from the rack and head back into the bedroom where Ana is standing, waiting for me.

"Hold your hand together in front of you," I order.

Yes, training for my lifestyle really begins now. The vanilla and oral skills were necessary to reach a place of trust for an act of submission. Now, here we are, and I'm about to really take control.

_Easy, Christian. She's still new to all this, remember that. She still has a handle with care sign stuck to her forehead, _remarks little man. _Or her vagina, _chimes in my subconscious. He's belly laughing and rolling on the floor at his own remark while little man and I look at him sideways as I peel the towel off Ana's shoulders and discard it on the floor. Her eyes widen as she holds her wrists out to me and her breath quickens.

I twist the tie into a bowline knot and run my finger between the material and her skin to check for circulation. Good. _Make or break, let's see if she can handle step one._

Her heart is beating frantically in her chest and her breathing is erratic. I can only imagine that it must mirror mine, thought I'm trying desperately to contain it. I think I'm doing a fair job. She doesn't seem to notice.

_She's a little preoccupied, Christian. _Little man hopeful snorts from his lounge chair as he watches the scene play out in front of him. _More like a little tied up, _grunts my subconscious.

I silence both of them as I run my hand through Ana's pigtails, "You look so young with these," and even I can hear the awe in my voice. We both move toward the bed and I drop my towel while we're lost in each other's eyes. _Fucking hell, this woman has me in a tailspin, and I can't say that I hate the ride even a little bit in this moment._

"Oh, Anastasia, what shall I do to you?" I whisper as I lower her down onto the mattress. Kiss you... everywhere. Fuck you. Make love to you. Make you scream my name. Make you beg me. My cock twitches in response. Yes, yes, a little of each I think. I push her arms above her head, "Keep your hands up here, don't move them, understand?"

I'm looking into her eyes for any hint of what she's feeling. I can tell by the rise and fall of her breasts, the flush in her cheeks and across her torso, and her audible heartbeat that she is turned on and full of desire, but I want to know how she really feels about being tied up right now. I search her eyes but find nothing except yearning.

_I can't wait until she's trained to place a 'Sir' at the end of her responses to me. _

"Answer me," I command.

"I won't move my hands," she breathlessly chokes out.

"Good girl." _Let's have some fun, Grey. _

I slowly and deliberately run my tongue across my bottom lip and then sink my teeth in, mirroring her actions from the tub. I need to kiss her. I lean forward, close the distance between our mouths, and plant a soft, sweet kiss on her lips. Mmm, I want to taste all of her.

"I'm going to kiss you all over, Miss Steele," I tell her as I trail kisses from her ear down to her throat. As I make my way down her body, I hear her groan and I smile, but my smile fades when I feel her writhe beneath me moving her bound hands into my hair.

Oh, that feels nice… Wait. No. She's bound. I told her not to move.

I give her a fixed stare then shake my head back and forth to admonish her. I place her hands back above her head and scold her stating that I'll begin again each time she removes her hands from where I've placed them.

Ahh, yes, this could end up being very fun.

"I want to touch you," I hear her squeak out.

"I know," and for a moment I wish I could just be normal and give her everything she desires. "Keep your hands above your head," I order, trying to regain my equilibrium after my errant thought about normalcy. I grasp her chin again and begin my slow trail of kissing, nipping, and sucking down her body toward her breasts. I attend to each nipple individually and am rewarded with her hips moving on their own accord. _She's enjoying this. I like to see that. But we mustn't get too carried away. She needs to learn to control her responsiveness. Let's teach her boys._

"Keep still," I breathe as a warning.

I dip my tongue into her navel and her back arches off the bed. _So much for controlling her responsiveness, eh, Grey?_

"Hmm. You are so sweet, Miss Steele." I say as my nose traces the line of her abdomen and her pubic hair.

Normally, I like my women well groomed and kempt, naked of all hair and clothing, but Miss Steele is intriguing and not like any other specimen I've ever had.

_I like this._

I sit up taking her left foot in my hand and plant a trail of kisses on each of her toes, attending to and biting gently on the pads, then increasing my intensity on her pinky toe. Her body shivers and her leg tenses on my shoulder. I run my tongue up the instep of her foot and am rewarded with a moan escaping her lips and her eyes squeezing shut.

_I really don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I need to be inside her now. _

_Good things come to those who wait, Christian._

_But I've never been into delayed gratification before, why start now?_

_Well, Miss Steele deserves a proper treatment after her display in the bathroom._

Ah, yes, I smile at the memory of her bending forward toward me and unplugging the drain with her foot as her mouth began the descent down my shaft as I go to work kissing my way up her leg, to just above her knee. Then I stop, glory for a moment in her beauty, and repeat the whole sensual process on the right leg.

"Oh, please," she begs me. Yes, Miss Steele, I do enjoy when you beg me.

"All good things, Miss Steele," I murmur into her skin.

This time I can't take the waiting any longer and I continue past her knee until my mouth is hovering over the apex of her thighs. I run my nose up and down her sex, her soft hair tickling my nose as I revel in her sweet scent. I feel her squirm beneath me and I reluctantly put distance between us so she might calm down before I dive in. I lick my lips in anticipation. She props on her elbows and finds my line of sight, mouth dropped open and trying desperately to control her breathing.

"Do you know how intoxicating you smell, Miss Steele?" Time to make her knees weak. I push my nose forward, putting a small amount of pressure on her clit, and inhale deeply, my eyes locked with hers. The blood rushes to the surface of her skin and she immediately closes her eyes. _Perfect._

I gently blow up and down the length of her, fully aware that a cool breeze will be a stark contrast to her warm arousal. I feel her feet flex against my legs and I give her a moment to breathe, "I like this, perhaps we'll keep it," I say as I tug gently on her soft brown curls.

"Oh… please," she whines.

"Hmm, I like it when you beg me, Anastasia." Fuck, that does things to me. Normally a woman begging me would infuriate me, but not Ana. She groans at my words and her feet flex again.

"Tit for tat is not my usual style, Miss Steele. But you've pleased me today and you should be rewarded." I bend my head forward and get my first taste of the most precious part of her. Holy fuck, she tastes so sweet. I hold her thighs in place as my tongue begins its sensual assault on the most sensitive part of her body.

"Aargh!" she moans and her body bows off the bed. I proceed with my pace; keeping pattern so she might assimilate to the sensations. My erection stiffens further as her legs find rigidity beneath me. Fuck she's so close. I take my cue and slide one finger inside her warmth and a groan escapes my throat.

"Oh, baby. I love that you're so wet for me."

I move my finger in a circle that mirrors the movements of my tongue, twisting and torturing and pleasuring her. I feel her orgasm rip through her as her back rises off the mattress and her knees follow suit. She cries out as the onslaught of sensation continues and I hold steady until the shocks diminish. I give her a brief moment to regroup as I grab a condom and climb on top of her.

_I need to be inside her. Now. I need to feel that warmth. I need her to hold me from the inside. I need Ana._

I slide into her and the feeling is overwhelming. The tightness from last night and from the remaining reverberations of her climax are enough to push me over the edge almost immediately. No, control, Ana needs another orgasm before I come.

"How's this?" I ask, aware that she is sore from last night.

"Good, fine." She's hardly able to get the words out.

I take that as my cue and set a fast paced rhythm, over and over again. I feel her body begin to stiffen under me again and I am thankful because I know I can't hold out much longer. This woman does things to me. I hear her whimper.

"Come for me, baby." I whisper into her hair and she takes me with her as she plunges into her orgasm.

"Thank fuck," I whisper, as I thrust once more. My body goes rigid as I pour myself into her. When my muscles begin to relax and her breathing begins to even out, I allow my full weight to press her into the mattress. I can feel her erect nipples on my chest and her muscles still shuddering around me from her climax. I still for a moment, in awe of how good we are together, in plain ol' vanilla, and think of all the wondrous places I shall take her if she agrees. _And think of all the places she'll take you too, Christian. _My heart skips a beat at Little Man's words.

_Wow. I never knew sex could be so… fulfilling._

I lean up onto my elbows and look into her gorgeous blue eyes, "see how good we are together? If you give yourself to me, it will get so much better. Trust me, Anastasia, I can take you places you don't even know exist."

My heart rate has increased again at the prospect and I run my nose up and down the length of hers. I kiss her softly, indulging in the electricity that passes through us. But a shuffling and shoes and voices coming down the hall interrupt my thoughts.

"_But if he's still in bed, then he must be ill. He's never in bed at this time. Christian never sleeps in."_

"_Mrs. Grey, please."_

"_Taylor. You cannot keep me from my son."_

"_Mrs. Grey, he's not alone."_

"_What do you mean he's not along?"_

"_He has someone with him."_

"_Oh…"_

FUCK. I want to roar with laughter at the disbelief that is evident in my mother's voice. Well, cat's out of the bag, I may as well introduce Ana to her now. _Introduce Ana to my mother? Well, isn't that another first Mr. Grey? We are just full of surprises since the moment when this brown-haired blue-eyed beauty tumbled into our office, aren't we? _My subconscious and little man look at me intently under raised eyebrows. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm surprised too… but oddly excited.

I feel my eyes flutter swiftly as I gaze at Ana. I'm sure the shock is evident on my face as well as the humor behind my eyes. Ana on the other hand looks as if she's seen a ghost. I decide to play her a little longer to keep it going. She looks so innocent like this.

"Shit! It's my mother."


	15. Chapter 15

AN: It's a short chapter. I promise a longer one tomorrow. I've been super distracted yesterday & today with my original story (Binding Ties- Just posted it tonight- check it out please & let me know what you think!) and job applications. So I promise another chapter tomorrow (and a longer one!) & responses to all reviews & PMs I haven't yet gotten to! Thanks for all the reads! I'm past 41,000 views and 250 followers! You guys are great! Keep it up!

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I see Ana wince as I pull out of her and deposit the condom into the basket next to the bed. Thank fuck mother didn't open the door. I must remember to give Taylor my most sincere thank you for stopping that.

"Come on, we need to get dressed- that's if you want to meet my mother." I feel a smile tug at the corners of my mouth as I jump up and pull on my jeans.

_I can't believe I'm about to introduce a woman I'm trying to agree to be my Submissive to my mother. _

_I can't believe you still think she'll ever just be a Submissive, Christian. _I heed little man's words and quickly shake them off. Of course she'll just be a submissive, I don't, can't, and won't do anything more. But that word dances around my mind as I button my jeans and turn to see Ana struggling with the tie as she tries to sit up.

"Uhh, Christian, I can't move."

I feel the grin spread father across my face and see that glorious blush grace Miss Steele's. I undo the tie and reveal the woven pattern left indented into her pale skin. My erection stirs at the sight of the marks and the look of wonder on her face; I have to actively remind myself that my mother is waiting outside the room. _Control._

I lean in, kiss her forehead quickly, and acknowledge "another first!" Okay, let's do this before I lose any nerve. "I have clean clothes in here," I say as I point to the dresser.

I look at Ana to see a once again pale faced girl, her blue eyes opened so wide in shock it looks as though they might drop out of her head. "Perhaps I should stay here," she stutters out. I'm nervous about this too, but I want this. I really want this.

"Oh no, you don't," I say more harshly than I intend. "You can wear something of mine," I hold my gaze on her face as I slip on a white t-shirt and run my fingers through my copper hair in an attempt to tame it slightly. "Anastasia, you could be wearing a sack and you'd look lovely. Please don't worry. I'd like you to meet my mother. Get dressed. I'll just go and calm her down." Okay that was reassuring, but I need her to know I mean business. I want this, for some reason unbeknownst to me.

"I will expect you in that room in five minutes, otherwise I'll come and drag out you of here myself in whatever you're wearing. My t-shirts are in this drawer. My shirts are in the closet. Help yourself." I soften my expression, which with my Dominant demeanor certainly set into a set of hard features, and eye her with speculation. When I'm almost certain she's taken note of my warnings, I depart to calm Grace.

"Hi Mom… sorry about the," I clear my throat and try to suppress my smile, "delay."

"Christian, I am so sorry. I didn't realize you had umm… company." She smiles at me briefly then turns her warm hazel eyes to observe as she smoothes out her knit camel-colored dress and crosses her legs at the ankle in front of her, displaying her matching heels.

"It's okay. Really. I have someone I want you to meet," I'm stopped short as Ana opens the door to my bedroom and enters the room, dressed in her blue shirt, black jacket, jeans, and converse again. Once I regain my breath, I manage to say, "Here she is," as I stand from the couch to greet her.

I notice Grace stands to greet her, both of us beaming.

"Mother, this is Anastasia Steele. Anastasia, this is Grace Trevelyan-Grey." They shake hands and I'm astonished at how much this interaction pleases me.

"What a pleasure to meet you," my mother says quietly with both wonder and relief in her eyes. _No mom, I'm not gay. Or celibate... Just a Dominant who chooses not to introduce to you to Submissives… until Miss Steele here._

"Dr. Trevelyan-Grey," Ana responds with a smile threatening to split her face in two.

"Call me Grace," my mother responds. "I am usually Dr. Trevelyan and Mrs. Grey is my mother-in-law."

The statement displeases me and I feel the frown mar my brow. I like formalities. It reminds people of their place. Sir. Mistress. Full names. Mister. Misses. Miss. It's clean that way. That reminds me, I really must remember to call Flynn to set up an appointment now that he's back in town.

My mother yanks me out of my thoughts asking, "so how did you two meet?"

"Anastasia interviewed me for the student paper at WSU because I'm conferring the degrees there this week." I still have no fucking idea why I've agreed to that. I hate PR. But having the opportunity to observe Miss Steele from a distance and then hand deliver her diploma just might be worth it after all.

"So you are graduating this week?" Grace asks.

"Yes," replies Ana as her phone begins to ring form the kitchen.

"Excuse me." She says as she heads to the breakfast bar to answer. "Kate." She says quickly.

Her face falls as she hears who is on the other line and I feel my body tense at the faint male voice I can hear from across the room.

"Look, Jose, now's not a good time." She says as she turns her back on us.

"That's the photographer from the photo shoot I did for the article." I explain to my mother. Fucking hell. He really brings my blood to a boil.

My mother looks back at my demeanor quizzically then dives into conversation as Ana ends the call and returns to us.

"Well things have been so crazy and busy lately with planning the Coping Together event and preparing for Mia to come home that we've been missing you. So your father and I were discussing when we could see you and Elliot called to say you were around- I haven't seen you for two weeks, darling."

"Did he now?" I ask, my gaze settled on Ana as she reaches us, annoyed at her conversation with him.

"I thought we might have lunch together, but I can see you have other plans, and I don't want to interrupt your day." She says as she gathers up her things. My mother is no slouch, she's quick to realize tension and make her exits always. Years of benefits and auctions with high-classed and low-moraled socialites taught her those lessons well. She kisses me on the check and turns to leave.

"I have to drive Ana back to Portland," I say by way of explanation.

"Of course, darling. Anastasia, it's been such a pleasure. I do hope we meet again." As she speaks, they shake hands once again, smiles brimming from the both of their faces.

Taylor appears to escort her out, "Mrs. Grey?"

"Thank you, Taylor." He says as he provides her his arm and ushers her into the foyer.

With my mother gone, my blood has begun to boil over.

"So the photographer called?" I pout.

I see her face fall. "Yes."

"What did he want?" Besides you, because that's obvious.

_ She's not yours yet, Grey… not until she signs the contract. Not until you give her what she needs and desires._

She needs to sign this contract so we can finish with all of this disobeying and doubting me.

"Just to apologize, you know- for Friday," she shrugs.

I narrow my eyes to show my speculation, "I see."

"Mr. Grey," I hear Taylor say from the edge of the kitchen, "there's an issue with the Darfur shipment."

I nod and begin my walk to the kitchen.

"Charlie Tango back at Boeing Field?"

"Yes, sir." He nods in Ana's direction still in the living room, "Miss Steele." He turns and makes his way back into his office.

Fuck, what kind of issue is there with the shipment. If one more thing goes wrong with this drop, it's going to really chap my ass.

"Does he live her? Taylor?" Ana asks quietly. Where the hell else would he live? Guam? Really for such a beautiful and smart woman, sometimes she astounds me, and not in a good way.

"Yes." I say in a short breath.

I pick up my blackberry as Ana joins me at the breakfast bar, looking rather small and fragile. Shit, I shouldn't have been so hard on her. But as I scroll through my emails to find one from Ros titled "Darfur" my sympathy is lost. There are reports of gang plans to hijack the shipments? No. This will not do.

I punch in the number and tense when Ros answers.

"Ros, what's the issue?" I snap, already knowing having read her email. I listen intently and watch Ana wander back into the living room and stand awkwardly in the middle. The sheer size of the space dwarfs her already small frame.

Ros wants to know if we should place more security onto the Hummers before sending them in. "No. I'm not having either crew put at risk. No cancel… We'll airdrop instead." She agrees that it's the best route. "Good." I hang up and continue my gaze to train my gaze on Ana. Contract. I need to her to sign it, or we can't continue this. I turn, heading into my study, then return with the contract in hand.

"Here, this is the contract. I suggest you read it and we can discuss it next weekend. May I suggest you do some research, so you know what is involved." Shit, no turning back now. I know if she doesn't agree I'll be crushed, and that thought alone is enough to make me want to crumble. _Christian Grey does not do crumble. _"That's if you agree, and I really hope you do." I add, the anxiety evident in my voice.

"Research?" She asks as her eyes widen again. They really are a brilliant shade of blue, and I hope my mouth hasn't dropped open from awe.

"You'll be amazed what you can find on the internet."

Her eyes widen again and I want to laugh, I really didn't think they could open any wider.

_ That isn't the only thing she can open wide in response to you, Grey!_ Now I'm sure my mouth has dropped open at the audacity of my subconscious. While I'm aware my mouth remains closed, I cock my head to the side and distract my thoughts with the delicious Miss Steele.

"What is it?"

"I don't have a computer. The only computers I have access to are the one's at school, Kate's laptop, and the computer at Claytons. Obviously, I can't use either for the research you want me to do... I guess I can see if I can borrow Kate's." She adds, looking embarrassed.

I don't want this research at the hands of the tenacious Miss Kavanagh and her reporter ways, especially when she's fucking my nosey bastard brother. No, that won't do.

"I'm sure I can… umm… lend you one." Or buy you one, top of the line. Yes. A mac. Only the best for Miss Steele. "Get your things, we'll drive back to Portland and grab some lunch on the way. I need to dress."

"I'll just make a call." She says as she reaches for her phone on the other side of the breakfast bar.

"The photographer?" Over my dead fucking body, my jaw clenches and that flash of heat courses my body again, "I don't like to share Miss Steele. Remember that." And with a look that would stop any merger in its tracks, I leave her to her phone call and disappear into my bedroom to change.

* * *

Review please :) Again, sorry it's so short! Until tomorrow!


	16. Chapter 16

AN: Here is the longer chapter as promised :) I hope you all enjoy the back and forth! I certainly enjoyed writing this chapter! Took me all day to finally be pleased with the finished product, I hope you'll be happy with it to!

I'm going to plug my original story again. **Binding Ties.** Inspired by FSOG. It's a story that is very personal to me and has been floating around my mind for quite some time. Please give it a shot and let me know what you think. I'm going to try to alternate update days for each, designating single days for each work. Please give it a shot & review!

Enough of me, onto what you've come for ;) [yup, pun intended] Review please!

* * *

"What is it, Anastasia?" After a long pause with no response I add, "stop biting your lip, or I will fuck you in the elevator, and I don't care who gets in with us."

That rose-colored blush creeps across her face and my stomach knots at the sight. Shit, she can really derail my thoughts. I am surprised that the thought puts a small smile on my face.

"Christian, I have a problem."

Shit. Shit. Shit. Here it goes. She's going to turn me down. I guess I have the ride and lunch to try to convince her it's worth trying. Maybe I was too rough with her. Maybe she just doesn't want this. Maybe she can see the monster you are. _Fifty shades of fucked up Grey… Fifty shades of fucked up._

"Oh?" Don't jump to a conclusion until you have all the details. I repeat this in my mind as we enter the elevator and descend to the parking garage.

"Well, I need to talk to Kate. I've so many questions about sex, and you're too involved. If you want me to do all these things, how do I know-?" She blushes again and looks to be chewing something over in her mind. "I just don't have any terms of reference."

I'm not going to win this battle. She really would be a great asset to my company. I'm not completely convinced it would be a bad idea having her close to me for meetings during the day. On my couch… On my desk… Mmmm, yes, I could definitely stand to have her close by at all hours of the day.

I roll my eyes at both her continued disobedience and at my thoughts of taking her in my office and concede, "talk to her if you must, just make sure she doesn't say anything to Elliot."

I can feel her stiffen beside me, "Kate wouldn't do that… and I wouldn't tell you anything she tells me about Elliot. If she were even to tell me anything." She breathes the last part out in haste.

"Well, the difference is that I don't want to know about his sex life. Elliot's a nosey bastard." Shit, I can't let her think the NDA is null and void here; I still need to think about my privacy and reputation. "But only about what we've done so far," I say with just enough force to get my point across. "She'd probably have my balls if she knew what I wanted to do to you." My voice has dropped to a low octave and I can feel the mix of excitement and apprehension flood my veins once more. Christ, this really is getting out of hand. I don't even have a signed contract yet and my body is in constant chaos when I'm around her.

"Okay." She agrees, tossing me a small simple breathtaking smile that causes my stomach to drop somewhere near my feet.

I smile, exhale, and shake my head, "The sooner I have your submission the better, and we can stop all this," I mutter, more to myself than her.

"Stop all what?" Isn't it obvious?

"You, defying me." I say simply.

I lean down, grasp her chin between my thumb and pointer finger and brush a sweet chaste kiss across her lips. Her lips are so soft and plush. I can't wait to feel them wrapped around my cock again. Hmm, maybe this car ride could be made more interesting. _No, Grey, not yet._

I grab her hand and lead her to the R8. My pride and joy. I really do love this car. Lustrous black lines and a purr like a jaguar in the jungle.

"Nice car," Ana murmurs. I know she's mocking me with that smart mouth but I can't help to hear only the words.

"I know," I say as a smile splits my face and I open the door for her to climb in. Oh, Miss Steele, did you just roll your eyes at me? There is a cost for that in my world, which I hope I can implement someday soon. I feel my palm twitch and close her door quickly, rubbing my fingers on my palm as I round the car to ease the ache and itch.

_Fuck. _I want her in my playroom, and soon.

"What sort of car is this?" She asks as I slide into the driver's seat and start the ignition.

"It's an Audi R8 Spyder. It's a lovely day; we can take the top down. There's a baseball cap in the glove box. In fact there should be two. And sunglasses if you want them."

I turn to place my overnight bag in the space behind my seat, retract the roof with a push of a button, and slowly ease the car out of it's parking spot and proceed into the warm Seattle sunshine. It really is a glorious day. I turn on the sound system and Bruce Springsteen's _Dancing in the Dark_ engulfs the small interior of the car, pouring out to the street.

"Gotta love Bruce." I say with a smile on my face.

As I listen to the words streaming through the speakers I can't believe how much my life has begun to change in the mere weeks I've known Ana. It really astounds me. I think back to the morning she came to interview me and tumbled into my office, I could never have imagined I would desire her so strongly. My world has transformed from mundane, repetitive, and monotonous to vibrant, warm, and full of life. I hope with each and every fiber of my being that she agrees to enter further into this relationship with me. I'm not ready to let go of this feeling yet. _I don't think you'd ever be ready to let her go, Christian. Ana is your spark._

I continue our drive, lost completely in though, reliving the last few weeks and all of our interactions, touches, smiles, and lovemaking, looking for any hint that she might still run the other way… I hate to admit that it's still a real possibility but in our time together, she doesn't show signs of saying no often. _Don't get ahead of yourself. There are still too many unknowns for you to consider this a done deal, Grey._

We're headed down Interstate 5 heading south and I glance to see Ana's hair flying across her face in the wind, regardless of her ponytail and the Mariner's hat. She looks beautiful, carefree, and lost in thought. I know that she is far form carefree with all the shit I've piled on her these last few days, but she doesn't look at all fazed in this moment. I wish I could capture this moment, how she looks right now, I'd put it in my office so I might gaze at her all day.

The track changes to _I'm on Fire _and I can't help my smile. I need to feel her warmth. My Ana. My spark. I reach over and squeeze her knee gently. If I want her to agree, I need to show her that it won't always be the playroom, I've never before wanted to spend time with a sub outside our contract, but Miss Steele has me considering many things I've never entertained before.

"Hungry?" I ask, more to distract myself than anything.

"Not particularly." Well that's not acceptable.

"You must eat, Ana. I know a great place near Olympia. We'll stop there." I squeeze her knee again to reassure myself of her presence in the car and solidify my demands to her; she will eat damn it.

I need to feel in control again. I've been spinning out of control since I met this woman, but somehow things are more in focus too. How can this be? I put more pressure on the gas as I return my hand to the steering wheel and delight in the force pushing me back into my seat as I speed down the highway, all the shit and chaos falling away behind us.

* * *

Cuisine Sauvage. It's a small and personal restaurant in the middle of the forest. It's rustic, non of the wooden furniture is matching, with drab gingham tablecloths, but beautiful vases of wild flowers at the center of each table. They remind me of the houses I see up the shoreline when I sail my boat. I ache to live in those houses, so close to the water, so close to the earth. But somehow I think that taking up residence in one of those homes would leave me feeling emptier than ever. What would all that beauty be without something more to fill it with? _Ana_. What the fuck was that? I shake my head to rid the thought little man has placed there as I follow Ana and the waitress to our table.

"I've not been here for a while. We don't get a choice- they cook whatever they've caught or gathered." I mold my face into one of shock and horror, blatantly mocking my own lifestyle of control, power, and leisure.

"Two glasses of the Pinot Grigio," I say only to catch Ana's lips set into a thin line.

For fuck's sake. "What?" I snap hastily.

What was I just thinking about this woman being a breath of fresh air?

_Breath of frustration is more like it, Grey!_

"I wanted a Diet Coke," she says, her voice barely registering a whisper. No. I won't budge on this. I take a deep breath and speak to her as if I were speaking to a child.

"The Pinot Grigio here is a decent wine. It will go well with the meal, whatever we get."

"Whatever we get?"

"Yes." I'm not sure why this thought brings on another face splitting grin, but I'm rewarded with a mirroring smile from Ana.

"My mother liked you." I state as matter-of-factly as I can muster. Truth is, I'm thrilled she liked her. I'm thrilled I like her!

"Really?" Her cheeks flush and the disbelief is evident in her voice.

"Oh yes. She's always thought I was gay."

Just like you and Miss Kavanagh. Her mouth drops to the floor as I know she is recalling that moment from our interview also, _"Are you gay Mr. Grey?"_ If I could have taken her over my knee right then, I would have.

_You should have, Grey. I told you that then!_

When she finally regains her nerve she asks, "Why did she think you were gay?"

"Because she's never seen me with a girl."

"Oh…" I can see the wheels in her head mulling this information over, "not even one of the fifteen?"

Oh, no baby. Only you. It's always going to be only you.

What the fuck is my mind doing?

_Not your mind, Christian, your heart._

_ HA! Heart? Grey doesn't have one of those little sappy man._

I smile at the banter in my mind and return to Ana.

"You remembered. No, none of the fifteen."

Well, Elena, but mom knew her first, obviously.

"Oh."

"You know Ana, it's been a weekend full of firsts for me, too." I say quietly, not sure if I am keen on divulging all this personal information so soon. But I'm also acutely aware that if I want this to continue, if I want her to be open, I'll need to return the favor.

"It has?" Yes. I wouldn't have said it otherwise.

"I've never slept with anyone, never had sex in my bed, never flown a girl in Charlie Tango, never introduced a woman to my mother. What are you doing to me?" I can feel the fire burning in my eyes and that question searing my soul as it hangs in the air unanswered.

The waitress places our wine in front of each of us, but I can't remove my gaze from Miss Steele.

"I've really enjoyed this weekend," she says as she sucks her lip between her teeth and bites down. My cock tightens in my pants. Fuck me, Ana. I'll take you here and now if you keep that up.

"Stop biting that lip," I manage to grit out. "Me, too."

"What's vanilla sex? She asks as I take a sip of my wine. I almost sputter in my glass but manage to swallow and maintain some composure.

"Just straightforward sex, Anastasia. No toys, no add-ons. You know…" I shrug my shoulders when I realize that no, she really has no idea. "Well, actually you don't but that's what it means." I suddenly feel extremely vulnerable, a feeling I'm not familiar or comfortable with.

I'm grateful when the waitress brings over our nettle soup. We both look at each other, conveying our nerve without shame as we take a tentative spoonful. We lock eyes simultaneously and grin. Thank god it's delicious. Ana's giggle fills the space between us and I feel my heart skip a few beats. Wow.

"That's a lovely sound," I say as I cock my head to one side and silently urge her to continue. I would do just about anything to hear that again.

I feel a sharp stab of disappointment when my silent plea is not met and she asks, "Why have you never had vanilla sex before? Have you always done… er, what you've done?"

* * *

My mind drifts back to my first time in Elena's playroom for a fleeting second, chained to the cast iron head and foot board in her playroom, naked, waiting for her to allow me release like every other time we'd been training in there… but this time was different. She slowly stood to the side of the bed, peeling off layer after layer of her skintight black fitted Dom attire, before approaching the bed and laying her hands on the insides of my thighs. She knelt in front of me, between my legs, and slowly teased me with her tongue. She brought me to just the edge of climax, as she had multiple times already with the paddle and whip, and then it happened. She climbed on top of me, straddling me, and impaled herself on me. She moved up and down, and demanded I make no noise, until it were to be her name falling from my lips "Mistress Lincoln." My body pulled against the restraints as she began to climax around me and my own limps tensed under her weight. When she was satisfied, she climbed off of me, unchained me, and demanded I rub her down and then dress her again.

* * *

I can feel Ana's eyes on me, anticipating my answer. I nod slowly, suddenly aware of how unconventional my introduction to sex was. I'm not complaining really… I just haven't ever seen it in this light before. After Ana has given herself to me, it seems more dark and depraved than it had previously.

"Sort of…" I say softly, not sure if I should continue on and confide in Ana about my introduction to this lifestyle. _She deserves to know, Christian. _"One of my mother's friends seduced me when I was fifteen."

"Oh." I see her face pale slightly. Shit, too soon. Well, now I'm already in the deep end, might as well float while I'm out here.

"She had very particular tastes. I was her submissive for six years." I shrug my shoulders. I've never before felt so ashamed about this. I really need to talk to Flynn.

"Oh." Is that all she can say? Well, maybe I should use this to paint the picture that I understand.

"So I do know what it involves, Anastasia." I look to her for any response but she sits across from me, frozen in a stunned silence. "I didn't really have a run-of-the-mill introduction to sex."

"So you never dated anyone at college?"

"No." I say slowly as I shake my head side to side. You're the only woman I've ever even thought about in a way more than just submission. Only you.

The waitress comes to clear our bowls and halts the conversation when she is gone, Ana continues. "Why?" I'm not sure she'll want to hear the answer to this; even Flynn still has trouble wrapping his head around it.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes." She says matter-of-factly.

"I didn't want to. She was all I wanted, needed. And besides, she'd have beaten the shit out of me." I feel a smile cross my face at the thought. Yes, Elena would have beaten me seven shades of Sunday.

"So if she was one of your mother's friends, how old was she?"

_Less is more here, Grey._ "Old enough to know better."

"Do you still see her?" Always eager for information, Miss Steele, aren't we?

"Yes."

"Do you still… er…?" She blushes and stops.

"No. She's only a good friend."

"Oh…. Does your mother know?"

Is she serious? The woman thought I was gay until a few hours ago. I think my stare gets my point across but I humor her with an answer.

"Of course not."

The meal of the day is venison and it smells heavenly. The atmosphere leaves my moth watering, the smell of the food and the picture of beauty sitting in front of me. I watch her take a large gulp of her wine and then continue. I have to refer to it as a gulp, because there was nothing ladylike or dainty about it. I want to laugh but I know that would land me in the hot seat. I listen intently as she continues her inquisition into my past.

"But it can't have been full time?"

"Well, it was, though I didn't see her all the time. It was… difficult. After all I was still at school and then at college." Okay, that's enough. "Eat up, Anastasia."

"I'm not really hungry, Christian." She says, her eyes wide and pleading with me like a puppy dog.

"Eat."

She stares at me, seemingly reeling from my disclosures and continues, "Give me a moment."

Umm… okay… I'm not sure how that will help, but sure. "Okay," I reply and return to the delicious meal in front of me. I see her reach for her fork and knife and tentatively cut into the meat and take a satisfied bite. I know, Miss Steele, it's delicious.

"IS this what our, er… relationship will be like? You ordering me around?" Fuck, this is it. She's out. She can't even look me in the eye.

"Yes," I say quietly.

"I see." _Give her more, Grey, or you'll lose her for sure._

"And what's more, you'll want me to."

"It's a big step," she says after holding a slice of venison against her lips just long enough to make my erection strain against my pants. Just long enough for me to visualize my cock against her lips, feeling her warm hot breath. _Shit, Christian, get a hold of yourself._

"It is." Here it goes, all or nothing. I close my eyes momentarily to prepare for what may be permission for her to leave. "Anastasia, you have to go with your gut. Do the research; read the contract- I'm happy to discuss any aspect. I'll be in Portland until Friday if you want to talk about it before then. Call me- maybe we can have dinner- say Wednesday? I really want to make this work. I fact, I've never wanted anything as much as I want this to work."

I hate this waiting. This not knowing. I hate the unknown. I have never, and will never be, comfortable with uncertainty. Flynn's words come back to me, quoting someone else who's name I can't remember right now, _'Christian, __This is the thing about life: we try so hard to control it, but bad things happen anyway. The only real control is an anti-control, a letting go.'_ He's said it to me time and time again. Let go of the ropes a little; loosen up just fractionally. He jokes about how I'll worry myself into an early grave quiet often. I take a deep breath and try to implement whoever's words those are something or other Nelson I think. Let go.

"What happened to the fifteen?" Ana asks, surprising me.

"Various things, but it boils down to…" they wanted a regular relationship and I told them to get the fuck out? "…Incompatibility." I settle into the statement and shrug my shoulders, as if this little motion could lift the weight I suddenly feel pressing down on them.

"And you think I might be compatible with you?" She asks, her words dripping with disbelief.

"Yes." I do. Whole-if-I-had-a-heart-edly.

Little man snorts, closing his eyes, and shakes his head at me.

"So you're not seeing tem anymore?" She doesn't give up, does she?

"No, Anastasia," I say, exasperation evident in my words. "I am not. I am monogamous in my relationships."

"I see."

"Do the research, Anastasia," I say sincerely.

She puts her knife and fork down on the table and takes a deep inhale.

"That's it? That's all you're going to eat?"

_Don't push her too hard. If you want her to agree, you need to give a little too, Grey._

I make my displeasure obvious but decide to say nothing in agreement with my subconscious. I set to work cleaning my plate and look up to see her squeeze her thighs together and blush a perfect shade of pink.

"I'd give anything to know what you're thinking right at the moment." I say the words with a deliberate sensuality and am rewarded with her sitting up further in her chair, rocking her hips toward me, in an attempt to take the pressure off her sex. The entire image playing out before me makes me hard again and I flash her my million-dollar smile. Oh, yes, Miss Steele.

"I can guess," I tease her quietly.

"I'm glad you can't read my mind."

"Your mind, no. But your body, that's I've gotten to know quite well since yesterday." I lift my eyebrows suggestively and motion to the waitress for the check. I want to be back in a confined space with Miss Steele. I want to feel that electricity and warmth between us. I pay and motion for her to place her hand in mine as we exit the building.

We are quiet for the remaining drive, both lost in thought. No doubt I've given her more than enough to chew over for a millennium, never mind over the next few days. I need a killer session with Claude and with Flynn to begin to sort out where this all stands.

"Do you want to come in?" She asks as I pull up outside her apartment. Oh, how I want to. But I should not. She needs space to think this through and consider my offer. She needs to think about me, me and my fifty shades of fucked up.

"No. I have work to do," I state simply but I'm sure the look in my eyes pleads differently. She is looking back at me and I think I see a hint of tears threatening, but I can't be sure. The thought of causing her any emotional pain is terrifying to me. She tears her gaze from mine and focuses on her fingers knotting vigorously in her lap.

I need to close the distance that is spanning between us, in more ways than one. I reach over and tenderly pull one of her hands to my mouth and kiss the back of it. "Thank you for this weekend, Anastasia. It's been… the best." I smile briefly at the thought. It certainly has. "Wednesday? I'll pick you up from work, form wherever?" Whatever you want. I am at your mercy right now, Miss Steele. A thought I don't want to spend too much time analyzing right now.

"Wednesday." She whispers, and it feels like a promise. I decide to seal it with another kiss on the back of her hand then exit the car to open her door. I have every intention of walking her to the front door but she smiles as she gets out and pushes ahead of me without waiting. Halfway up the path she stops, turning to me and pulling up the waistband of her, no my, underwear, "Oh… by the way, I'm wearing your underwear."

I can almost feel my jaw hit the grass beneath my feet. What the fuck is the enigma that has spent the last two nights in my bed? She skips the rest of the way to the door and I'm left standing in the front yard, looking like a fool. It takes me a moment to regain composure and I shake my head vigorously and return to the car.

I repeat my drive from the first time I entered Clayton's again. Driving to distract from all-consuming thoughts of Ana. It's a futile attempt at best. I arrive three hours later at the Heathman and check into my usual suite.

I put my things down and immediately call to order Ana a top of the line Mac Book Pro and demand for it to be delivered and set up for her tomorrow morning by eight thirty at the latest. I instruct them of the email and usernames I want her assigned and hang up. I type her a quick email, knowing it has already been set up, so she'll receive it with the laptop tomorrow.

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**To: **Anastasia Steele

**Date: **May 22 2011 23:15

Dear Miss Steele:

I trust you slept well. I hope that you put this laptop to good use, as discussed.

I look forward to dinner Wednesday.

Happy to answer any questions before then, via e-mail should you so desire.

Christian Grey,

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

I throw myself onto the bed and groan audibly as I imagine the girls sharing details about Elliot and I with one another. Ana better be correct in that Kate will keep her mouth shut to Elliot.

Even though it's still early, I find that I drift off into a troubled sleep, still wearing my jeans and shoes, on top of the duvet.

_I'm chained to the Saint Andrew's cross in my playroom, with a blindfold covering my eyes. I can hear three different sets of feet moving around and I know from experience one is Elena's. I feel a whip crack across my thighs and sharp laughter fills the room._

'_He thinks that slut will be enough to fulfill his needs.' Elena says sharply. _

'_He never wanted more with me.' I recognize the pouty voice as Leila's and Suzanna joins in, 'He's much too dark for an innocent like her.' _

_They all laugh and take turns whipping me until suddenly I hear him._

'_Get up you fucking whore. Where is that piece of shit son of yours? Huh? Where is he? What the fuck good are you?' I hear her cry as his fist hands square on her jaw. _

_I feel the burn of his cigarette being stunted out of my back and I cannot free myself from the chains. _

_Mommy… Mommy… Help me please._

_But there is no response. Only pain._

_I'm helpless. I have no control. _

_My world begins to go dark and silent except for my screams as the pain spreads throughout my entire body._

* * *

I wake with a jolt. Sitting up, I find I'm sweating and panting in a bed. Where am I? Oh right, the Heathman. I have soaked through my clothing and my heart rate has skyrocketed. I need to calm down. I look at the clock and it's one am. I decide to take a cold shower to rid my nightmare from my skin and then open my laptop to pour over statistics from the newest company I'm trying to acquire.

I am consumed in work for hours before I glance at the clock again; shit, it's four am… I should try to get a bit more sleep. God knows my eyes are heavy and burning, but I dread another nightmare. I sigh and push my papers aside as I walk back to the bedroom. I crawl under the blankets and pull the pillow from the side of the bed Ana had slept on to my chest. I must be hallucinating because I think her scent still lingers on it. I know it's probably just my imagination, but even that small bit of her gives me comfort enough to face sleep again. This time I drift into a sleep consumed by deep blue eyes, pale lush skin, and the Anastasia falling softly from my lips.

* * *

REVIEW please :) Thanks for reading!


	17. Chapter 17

AN: Sorry awful start to my week but I really wanted to get something out to my amazing readers & reviewers before the end of the night! Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who reads/reviews/pm's/the works, you guys seriously make this worthwhile! KEEP IT UP!

Guest Reviewer- DanishFan - I am indeed a female. Thanks for the compliment though! You asking if I was a male myself gave me another fiber of hope that I truly am doing the male mind, and more specifically, Christian's mind a world of justice! Thank you!

* * *

I wake early to a room bathed in sunlight, my arms curled tight around the pillow from her side of the bed and my thoughts immediately drift to her. How is she today? Has she gotten the computer? What will she say? Surely, she'll think better of this now that I'm not standing in front of her begging.

_How can I convince her this is what she needs? What I need? What we need?_

The thought catches me off guard and I grudgingly untangle the sheets from my waist and head to shower. I smile at the thought of my shower before the photo shoot and how her name fell from my mouth as I reached climax.

_Hmm, maybe I should try for a repeat performance._

But I know the attempt will be in vain now that I've had the sweet nectar that is Miss Anastasia Rose Steele.

I massage the lather into my skin and imagine it's her delicate small hands holding my shaft when I begin to stroke myself, one hand on the shower wall for support. I hear her words in my ears, _yes, Christian, oh god, please, _and her moans fill my mind. My breath hitches and my legs stiffen as I come, groaning in pleasure physically but feeling slightly hollow in my chest. The thought displeases me, why the fuck should I feel this way after an orgasm? I shake it off, exit the shower, and continue to get ready for the day ahead.

I am sitting down to eat the breakfast Taylor ordered and had delivered via room service when I hear my blackberry ping to life with an email around 8:20am. My heart stutters and the void in my chest fills at her name on the screen.

* * *

**From: **Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Your New Computer (on loan)

**Date: **May 23 2011 08:20

**To: **Christian Grey

I slept very well, thank you- for some strange reason – Sir. I understood that this computer was on loan, ergo not mine.

Ana

* * *

The thought is annoying. Take the damn laptop you infuriating woman. I have a lot of money and want, for some reason unknown to me, to shower it on you. Usually, I buy the Audi A3 for my Submissives, but that's about it. Ana, though... I don't know what it is about her. It really is starting to grate my edges because I want nothing more than to understand.

_No you don't. Just enjoy it, Christian. Enjoy something, really enjoy it, for once in your fucking life._

I dimiss the notion little man is attempting to put into my brain, NO, I don't do enjoyment, not really anyway. It's messy. My life is tinted with boundaries and shades of grey, literally. But as I think this, images of Anastasia cooking in my kitchen in my shirt, sprawled on my bed my name falling like a prayer from her lips, and her simply sitting next to me at the piano come unbidden into my mind.

Mmm… her standing in the playroom, her fumbling with the recorder in the interview, checking out my crotch in Clayton's, oh and her sucking her thumb at the register, fuck me. I distract my erotic thoughts and respond to her quickly.

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Your New Computer (on loan)

**Date: **May 23 2011 08:22

**To: **Anastasia Steele

The computer is on loan. Indefinitely, Miss Steele.

I note from your tone that you have read the documentation I gave you.

Do you have any questions so far?

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

I notice that my face has split in two from a total teeth bearing grin. My cheeks literally hurt form the strain and I've not even heard her voice today.

_Just in your dreams._

* * *

**From: **Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Inquiring Minds

**Date: **May 23 2011 08:25

**To: **Christian Grey

I have many questions, but not suitable for e-mail, and some of us have to work for a living.

I do not want or need a computer indefinitely.

Until later, good day. Sir.

Ana

* * *

I recall that word utter from that smart and beautiful mouth and I near come again at the notion. Holy hell, I'm not fourteen, what is happening.

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Your New Computer (again on loan)

**Date: **May 23 2011 08:26

**To: **Anastasia Steele

Laters, baby.

P.S.: I work for a living, too.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

Now that my email banter is over with Ana, for now, I select _Barcelona Nights _by Ottmar Liebert on repeat as I finish my breakfast. The chords make my muscles feel like they are dancing and my smile forges even further onto my face. I visualize Ana and I dancing on the beach somewhere in the South of France. Just her and I. I don't know how long I sit like this, in a far away land, but I'm torn back to reality by my calendar reminder ringing stating I have a conference call in ten minutes. I grab my briefcase, pull out my laptop, and prepare for what will surely be a very dull and excruciating meeting with Aaron Smith, who's voice could make me beg for nails on a chalkboard, but he's a shrewd business man out of Ohio and I can't broker this deal without him. I shall recall images and audio from my nights with Anastasia to help me through. I will drown myself in ocean blue eyes.

* * *

After a day saved only by the light in Ana's eyes, I find my stomach grumbling again awaiting dinner as I finish the last round of emails for this negotiation with Smith. My mouse scrolls down the inbox and my hand, empowered by it's own mind, clicks open Ana's last email to me. I hit reply.

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Working for a living

**Date: **May 23 2011 17:24

**To: **Anastasia Steele

Dear Miss Steele,

I do hope you had a good day at work.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

I fidget nervously until either my dinner arrives or my mailbox is yet again graced with her name. Who the fuck am I? I feel like a puppy dog eagerly awaiting it's owners safe return home. Just then I realize I've yet to order dinner. Christ, I really am losing my mind.

* * *

**From: **Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Working for a living

**Date: **May 23 2011 17:48

**To: **Christian Grey

_Sir… _I had a very good day at work.

Thank you.

Ana

* * *

I smile at her words. _Sir. _But I am immediately irritated that she is not researching. As much as I love her flirting with me and using that smart mouth of hers, I need her to have an idea about what she is agreeing to. Mostly because I don't know how much longer I can wait. I need her answer. And I need it soon.

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Do the Work!

**Date: **May 23 2011 17:50

**To: **Anastasia Steele

Miss Steele,

Delighted you had a good day.

While you are e-mailing, you are not researching.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

I glance at the room service menu and wonder what she'll be eating for dinner… My mind drifts slightly at the thought until another _ping _hits my e-mail.

* * *

**From: **Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Nuisance

**Date: **May 23 2011 17:53

**To: **Christian Grey

Mr. Grey, stop e-mailing me, and I can start my assignment.

I'd like another A.

Ana

* * *

How am I supposed to ignore a comment such as that? I run my hand through my hair, feeling exasperated, sigh audibly then respond.

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Impatient

**Date: **May 23 2011 17:55

**To: **Anastasia Steele

Miss Steele,

Stop e-mailing _me-_ and do your assignment.

I'd like to award another A.

The first one was so well deserved. ;)

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

I allow my mind to drift back to the reason for her first A and my cock twitches in response.

* * *

**From: **Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Internet Research

**Date: **May 23 2011 17:59

**To: **Christian Grey

Mr. Grey,

What would you suggest I put into a search engine?

Ana

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Internet Research

**Date: **May 23 2011 18:02

**To: **Anastasia Steele

Miss Steele,

Always start with Wikipedia.

No more emails unless you have questions.

Understood?

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

I sit back, a small grin on my face as I imagine her pout at the words on her screen.

* * *

**From: **Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Bossy!

**Date: **May 23 2011 18:04

**To: **Christian Grey

Yes… _Sir._

You are so bossy.

Ana

Huh. _How right she is._

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **In Control

**Date: **May 23 2011 18:06

**To: **Anastasia Steele

Anastasia, you have no idea.

Well, maybe an inkling now.

Do the work.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

I sit back and recall my fifteen-year-old self practically skipping home from Elena's after that first night of training, on a total mind fuck of a high.

_I feel degraded, subdued, understood, and completely free. Interesting because I was chained to a large wooden cross the entire time. What was it she called it? Saint Elmo's? I don't know. My dick was too hard and her ass begged for me to touch it whenever she bent down in front of me to grab another implement to punish me with. Yes, Mistress. Thank you, Mistress. Whip me four times, please, Mistress. One. Two. Three. Four. Thank you, Mistress._

The scene brings a sense of belonging to my mind, but my chest has resumed that void space. Strange. I shake it off and think again to entering my room and locking the door. My Giuseppe DeNatale poster looking down on me as I opened my laptop and typed "Submissive" into Wikipedia. I imagine Ana doing so now, the horror that must be etched onto her face and my daydream halts suddenly. _Shit. I can't corrupt her like this. I deserved to be whipped and beaten. Hell, I fucking loved every minute of it. _My self-hatred and self-deprecation, as so many shrinks referred to it, literally worn on my skin_, a suit fit for a man as fucked up as I._

* * *

Two hours pass as I finish dinner and am about to peruse the New York Times online when my email signals that I have a new message. Hope springs alive in my chest once more until my eyes fall upon the screen. _What. The. Fuck. Is. This._

My veins fire with disbelief, anger, and a hell of a lot of some emotion I'm not familiar with and can't put a name to right now...

I reread her words, six times before making a decision.

* * *

**From: **Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Shocked of WSUV

**Date: **May 23 2011 20:33

**To: **Christian Grey

Okay, I've seen enough.

It was nice knowing you.

Ana

* * *

I grab my keys, regardless of the seething anger pouring from my body, I get into the car and drive to her apartment. _What am I even going to say to her? I can't blame her. I can't lose her. What. The. Fuck._

I won't know until I get there if there is still a chance or not.

I need to not jump to conclusions.

_Conclusions? Grey, I think she spelt it out pretty clear in black and white. She isn't interested. Let her go. _

I disagree with my subconscious. And I know with every fiber of my being that letting her go would cause me immeasurable pain. I will if it is what she wants, I would do it for her, but it would cause me to crumble. Just then the unnamed emotion from before becomes clear. Those words hurt. _Hurt. _I roll the word around in my mind. It sounds alien, unfamiliar, but is completely on target for this moment.

_I've allowed a woman to hurt me._

_Shit maybe I should just leave now and let this go. I can't be having my world tossed upside down for a brown-haired blue-eyed beauty…_ but even as I'm trying to convince myself she's not worth the inevitable pain I'll feel when I lose her, my mind still brings in the elements of her I'll never succeed in eradicating from my system.

* * *

**I KNOW IT'S TOO SHORT, BUT PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! A lot of work went into this chapter to get his inner dialogue where I wanted it!**

**REVIEW PLEASE :)**


	18. Chapter 18

AN: It's a long one! I hope you all enjoy! :) I want to thank vivstar0130 for being my 300th follower to the story! YAY! Keep it up guys, your responses and feedback make all of this worth it! I'll be responding to the reviews this weekend too!

Another plug: check out Binding Ties, my original story. It only has two chapters posted thus far, but I promise they're worth it!

Read, Review, Enjoy! And many many many thanks! :)

* * *

I've driven by her apartment twice trying to calm myself down. She hasn't signed anything yet so I can't punish her but I'm so infuriated that I want nothing more than to see her alabaster ass pink while my palm stings. I want to feel her squirm on my lap from the pain. I want her to feel a fraction of the pain she has just sent coursing through my body. I want to punish her. I want to fuck her. I want to keep her. I don't want to lose her. I can't. Not when we've only just begun. I come upon her house and decide one more trip around the block couldn't hurt.

It's after nine by the time I have finally controlled my anger and hurt, having turned it into a mild frustration. That's a benefit from my submission all those years. I could write a book on it, I'd call it _How to convert any type of pain with your breath_ I smirk at the thought. It's a lot easier when there's an orgasm on the line. Hmm, maybe there could be tonight too. And my plan is officially formulated. I reach into my pocket, thankful that I grabbed my now favorite grey tie from the dresser, as I walked, no more like sprinted, out the door. Bring it on, Miss Steele. You're not leaving me like this.

I knock and Kate answers the door.

"Christian, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Well hello, Kate, I'm doing well, thanks for asking. How are you?" I reply sardonically.

She shakes her head in frustration and opens the door wider so I can enter, "Ana's in her room." I place the white wine on the counter that I had stopped to pick up after my second trip around their block when trying to work up the nerve to come in. Looking back to Kate, I follow in the direction of her extended hand and stand in the doorway taking in the sight.

My cock springs to life at the sight of Ana in her sweatpants, sneakers, pigtails, and a white t-shirt. Her room is small but quaint. It's full of pale blue and cream, white wicker furniture and a white iron double bed. The bed is clothed in a patchwork quilt. Iron for the headboard, good I'll have something to tie her to. I smirk to myself and stand in the doorway, just taking in the sight of the infuriating and yet beautiful woman sitting in front of me, sitting at her desk, silently bobbing her head to whatever is playing on her iPod while notating on the contract.

Hope blooms in my chest again. _If she's reading the contract and making notes on it, there HAS to be some hope for us after all. Right?_

Just then she stills and turns slowly in my direction, her mouth pops open and she quickly takes her headphones out when she notices me in the doorway, leaning as sensually as I can against the frame. Years of practice, I can make you come from across the room Miss Steele with a few choice words, the perfect panty busting smile, and the right tone in my voice.

"Good evening, Anastasia," I say, keeping my voice as calm and even as possible. "I felt your email warranted a reply in person."

She sits in front of my, frozen except for the opening her mouth twice to speak without any success. Yes. This evening will be one she won't soon forget, especially now that I know not all hope is lost.

"May I sit?" I ask, trying to mask my amusement at her loss for words. She quickly looks around the room, looking for what I'm not sure, but her eyes settle back on me. Still silent, she finally manages a nod.

"I wondered what your bedroom would look like," I say as I sit down on her small bed. Hmm, a mandated close proximity, I could get used to sleeping with her in this bed. _What the fuck was that?_

"It's very serene and peaceful in here," I mutter to distract myself from the direction of my thoughts. _Sex. Let's tie her up and fuck her into agreement. She won't be able to disagree after a few orgasms. Let's have some fun, Grey._

"How?" She asks, pulling me from the wicked plan I was plotting in my mind.

"I'm still at the Heathman." I state matter of factly with a complete shit-eating grin on my face.

"Would you like a drink?" Her face is holding some emotion that I can only assume is discomfort or fear… but fear of what? _You, dumbass. _

Shit, I hope not.

Well, might as well keep this going.

"No thank you, Anastasia." I smile again and cock my head to the right, amazed that even when I'm furious with her and more so hurt by her she still has the power to leave me completely in awe.

_Get to the point, Christian._

"So, it was _nice_ knowing me?"

She stares down to the fingers and knots them feverishly, sinking her teeth into her bottom lip. Fuck me, Ana. I can't handle that right now. It's taking every ounce of self-control to not bend you over my knee, spank the hell out of you, then fuck you until you can't sit up straight. But I can't do that yet. Not yet. Someday, I will. Hopefully someday soon… but not tonight.

"I thought you'd reply by email." Her voice is so small and it makes me feel like a shit. But as her words wash over my mind once more I feel that familiar flood of endorphins that make me wish yet again that I had a signed contract. _Fuck the paperwork. Isn't that your motto with this one, Grey?_

"Are you biting your lower lip deliberately?" I ask, even I can hear the desire laced in my voice. So much for discrete. That spark has ignited between us again, pulling me closer to her, but I stay rooted in my position. I need to regain control over myself. I need to.

Her eyes widen again and her mouth drops open, effectively freeing her lip.

"I wasn't aware I was biting my lip," she says in a hushed tone.

I can't ignore that energy exchange. I lean forward and grasp the end of her pigtail in my hand, deftly undoing the braid of each. I can feel her shallow breath on my arms as I reach across to the far braid. Fucking hell. This is too much.

Why is this so hard? I've never had to concentration to this extent to keep myself in check. Seducing a Submissive is what I do. I groan inwardly and return my attention to Ana. I realize I had frozen my fingers in her hair for a moment longer than necessary; she stares at me with wide brilliant blue eyes. I shudder for an instant, surely she can see right through to my soul. I'm sure of it. Just like the first time our eyes met, grey to blue, in my office. I know I can't hide from her.

"So you decided on some exercise… Why Anastasia?" I ask, my hands relishing in the feel of her soft brown hair as I tuck a few pieces behind her ears, glorying in the warmth in my fingertips at the brush of our skin. I'm a greedy man. I want more. I gently tug and circle my fingers on her earlobe. She leans into my touch and her breath hitches in her throat.

"I needed time to think," she whispers, wide-eyed and innocent.

"Think about what, Ana?"

I need to hear you say it. Say whatever it is you need to say, but say it, damn it.

"You."

"And you decided that it was nice knowing me? Do you mean knowing me in the biblical sense?" And as if on cue, that dazzling blush creeps across her skin.

Her smart mouth remembers it's place, "I didn't think you were familiar with the Bible," she spits in reply.

"I went to Sunday school. It taught me a great deal." Eye for an eye. Spanking for a wounded heart. _Whoa. Heart? Seriously? _I need to get this woman into my playroom so I can eradicate all of this hearts and flowers mumbo-jumbo from my brain. Obviously the waiting is doing some strange things to my psyche. Bet Flynn will love to hear about my past month's shenanigans once he's back from his leave.

Her wit kicks in again, "I don't remember reading about nipple clamps in the Bible. Perhaps you were taught from a modern translation." I want to laugh and cringe at the same time. A small smile plays across my face, obviously displaying which emotion won out, though only marginally. While I do enjoy a nice verbal sparing match with Miss Steele, it's time she gets out of some of those clothes and finds herself all tied up.

"Well, I thought I should come and remind you how _nice_ it was knowing me."

Yes, I use past tense purposely. I wonder at how hard it was to push that word form my lips. I don't want this to be past tense before it even begins. I use the word to gauge her reaction.

Her mouth falls open again. _Good thing there are no flies in here, huh, Grey?_

I trace the line of her jaw from her ear to her chin, bringing her attention to her mouth. I see her breathing change again and her eyes turn a deeper shade of blue as that look of desire unfurls in them. She tries to launch herself at me but my being able to read her body allows me to catch her and pin her beneath me in a second.

I feel her beneath me, arms stretched out in my hand, her t-shirt pulled up exposing her stomach, my other hand staking claim on her jaw. I take one look into her eyes and plunge my mouth to hers, effectively losing myself in her kiss for a moment.

_She tastes better than I remember. How is that even possible?_

I pull back to look at her for a moment and my breath catches in my throat while my erection presses harder into her side. She slowly opens her eyes and all I see is desire.

"Trust me?" I ask hesitantly.

She nods, again lost for speech, and I take my in. Reaching down into my pocket I pull out the silver tie and flash a mischievous smile. I quickly straddle her and fasten her wrists with the tie to the headboard. I pull on the set up to make sure it's secure but comfortable. _Grey, remember after all she's not going to be a Leila who can handle and even love severe pain._

I take a step back and stand in the middle of her room. I think I can handle her not being like Leila or the others. Maybe we'll work up to that, but right now I don't much care. I just want her. Right here. Right now.

I feel a surge of pride and relief wash over my body. She's here, she didn't kick me out, and I have her right where I want her.

"That's better," I whisper as I bend to strip her of her sneakers, socks, pants, and underwear. She fusses with me and tries to kick me off.

Oh, please, I am not scared of a little sweat Miss Steele. I've seen much worse. Smelt much worse. I try to push away the thought jumping around my brain of the crackwhore's dead body lying in front of me for days before being discovered. No, now is not the time.

"No." I hear her squeeze out.

I freeze, half at my wayward and disturbing thoughts and half at her reaction to me.

"If you struggle, I'll tie your feet, too. If you make a noise, Anastasia, I will gag you. Keep quiet." I see her eyes widen; yes, she is affected by me. "Katherine is probably outside listening right now."

I remove her shoes and socks without another peep from Ana. _Good girl. _Then I slowly pull off her sweatpants, staring down at her black boy shorts, already gathering moisture. I have to steady my breathing and control my very urge to dive into her at this very moment.

_Get a hold of yourself, Grey. Seriously._

I huff at my subconscious. What do you know anyway, asshole? I can do whatever I please with Miss Steele. I want nothing more than to bury myself in her for hours, but I know I need to make her wait, make her feel the anxiety and apprehension I felt from her email. She will learn not to toy with me, and this is how.

I wrap my hand around her waist and pull the quilt from under her, discarding it at the food of the bed, before placing her back on the bed. I look up at her face to see her teeth clamp down on her bottom lip. Fuck me.

_Don't look at her mouth, Grey. Just don't do it. Go take some space or this will be over much faster than you want._

"Now then." I pause and realizing that her eyes are fixed on my mouth, I like my bottom lip slowly, sensually. How's it feel, Ana? "You're biting that lip, Anastasia. You know the effect it has on me." I lean forward and lay my index finger over her mouth, feeling that fire burn into my skin at the contact.

I stand and slowly take off my shoes, socks, shirt, and undo the button of my pants. Yes, Ana, eat it up. You won't see much in a moment. I see her breasts begin to rise and fall at a more rapid pace. My cock stands at full attention in my grey pants and throbs at the sight of her before me.

"I think you've seen too much." I straddle her waist and lean forward to roll her shirt onto itself, leaving only her mouth and nose exposed on her beautiful face. Her elegant and emotional blue eyes covered. I feel a mix of emotions not having her eyes on me. I recognize them as strength because I don't feel like they are seeing into my soul, but also disappointment because I love to be lost in their beauty.

"Mmm, this just gets better and better. I'm going to get a drink," I breathe against her lips.

I can't help myself. I close my eyes and the distance between our lips. Okay, enough. Let's build the anticipation.

I tear myself off of her and the bed. I quickly pull on my shirt and button my pants again before walking out the door to the kitchen. I don't want Kate to see me in any state of undress, but Ana definitely does not need to know I am clothed again.

I ask for a glass and ice for the wine, and try to find my nerve again.

"So Grey, what's up with you two?" She asks.

"Just enjoying getting to know one another." I reply, a smile creeping across my face.

"I see," Kate eyes me speculatively before shrugging and accepting my answer. I return to the room, careful to keep Ana's bond body from Kate's interested gaze.

I place the wine glass on the bedside table then both quickly and quietly remove my shirt and pants before sitting astride her on the bed again.

"Are you thirsty, Anastasia?" I ask, leaning down to breathe the question into her ear.

"Yes." She manages to squeeze out.

I take a sip of the cold white wine into my mouth, press my mouth to hers, and then allow the liquid to pass from my mouth to hers. I could get used to this. This is another first for me, but I won't tell her about this one. I need to keep some mystery here.

"More?"

She nods and I continue another three sips.

"Let's not go too far; we know your capacity for alcohol is limited, Anastasia."

I try desperately to hide the smile on my face when I see one form on hers. I hate that I'm so happy being so close to her when before I was so angry. I lean down beside her, lying out on the bed, and press my erection into her hip.

I want to be inside her.

"Is this _nice_?" I say, trying to control the flash of anger that rushes my system again at the thought. Here we go.

She tenses at my words and her smile disappears.

I take a sip of the wine, allowing a piece of ice to enter also, then deposit both into her mouth. I trail kisses down her throat, chest, and abdomen stopping at her bellybutton. Christ, even her bellybutton is sexy.

I leave an ice cube lying on her stomach.

"Bow, you'll have to keep still. If you move, Anastasia, you'll get wine all over the bed." I smirk because I know full well that she's too responsive to keep still. Torture through sensuality is my favorite game. On cue her hips lung forward, spilling the wine across her stomach but not down to the sheet below.

"Oh no. If you spill the wine, I will punish you, Miss Steele." She groans and I can see her fighting against her body's natural reaction and attraction to me.

I pull those beautiful breasts out of her bra and tease her nipples with my lips, still cool from the wine.

"How _nice _is this?" I blow on her nipples and delight in their continued tightening in response. I slip an ice cube out of the glass and roll it across her breasts and nipples slowly, delighting in her moans and breath coming in slow shallow gasps with each touch.

"If you spill the wine, I won't let you come."

"Oh… please… Christian… Sit… Please." I can't help but smile at her begging. I bite my bottom lip to try to suppress my amusement and pleasure at her words.

I let my fingers dance across her flat stomach and her hips lung forward again, this time the now melted ice cube and wine spill across her stomach to the sheets. I lick the wine still on her hips and stomach, kissing, biting, and sucking on her gloriously pale skin.

"Oh dear, Anastasia, you moved. What am I going to do to you?"

_Fuck her senseless and deny her an orgasm. That's what, Grey._

I slip my fingers past the fabric of her black boy shorts and am delighted by how wet she is when my fingers find her. I inhale sharply and my chest constricts momentarily. God, this woman is so beautiful.

"Oh, baby," I whisper as the air returns to my lungs and I push my fingers inside. She rewards me with a gasp of her own.

"Ready for me so soon?" I move my fingers slowly, torturing her with my sensual onslaught. She tilts her hips forward toward me, struggling to find friction against my palm.

"You are a greedy girl," I admonish but to humor her I circle my thumb around her clit, slowly, in keeping with the rhythm of my fingers. I press down and her body arches off the bed.

I want to see those baby blues. I peel the shirt off her eyes and am rewarded with a shy small smile on her face.

"I want to touch you," she exhales.

"I know," I reply quietly. I hush her by forming my mouth to hers; my tongue emulates the motions of my fingers and thumb. I keep the rhythm until her legs begin to stiffen and her sex clenches around me, then I slow my movement until I feel her relax. Yes, sensual torture. This what you make me feel; hope then devastation, making me wait, and I cannot have that for much longer.

"This is your punishment, so close and yet so far. Is this _nice_?" My lips touch her ear as I speak.

"Please," she begs. Alright, I think I've proven my point, and if I'm honest, I want nothing more than to bury myself inside her right now.

"How shall I fuck you, Anastasia?"

I feel her body start to reach the edge of precipice again and still.

"Please," she whispers again.

"What do you want, Anastasia?"

"You… now," her voice loud and strained. I delight in seeing her lost to my touch.

"Shall I fuck you this way, or this way, or this way? There's an endless choice," I state as I reach across her to the condom I placed on the table already when I emptied my pockets of my wallet and phone earlier.

I put on the condom and raise my eyes to her staring open mouthed.

"How _nice_ is this?" I stroke myself gently and see her eyes widen infinitesimally.

"I meant it as a joke," she whines. A joke?! A JOKE? My eyebrows shoot to my hairline. Is she serious? Are my feelings a joke to her?

_Christian, I'm sure she wasn't aware you'd fly off the deep end at the email. She doesn't want to hurt you, she's new to all this. She had no idea._

Well, she'll never make that mistake again with Mr. Fifty Shades of Fucked up now, will she?

"A joke?"

"Yes. Please, Christian."

"Are you laughing now?"

"No," she cries. That's right you're not laughing now.

I take a moment to look down at her, squirming with need against the tie and her body's reaction to me. I flip her swiftly onto her stomach and bend her knees under her hips, her fine ass in my face. Yes, I'll claim that too, Miss Steele. You are mine.

She struggles up onto her elbows and I slap her ass hard before plunging into her. Christ, she's so wet and so tight. She comes immediately and I pound on, aware that she is probably exhausted, but I can push her for at least two more orgasms. I feel that tightening around my cock and I know she's almost there again, but she's fighting it. Fighting me. The thought displeases me; that is what got us here in the first place, Ana!

"Come on, Anastasia, again." I silently climax along with her as she calls out my name. I push my weight onto her back, indulging in the warmth of her back on my chest, grateful for her bare skin on mine in a way that I can stand it.

"How _nice _was that?" I snarl. She lies on the bed, motionless, trying to reign in her breathing. I pull out of her and stand, gathering my clothes and belongings. When I'm dressed I sit on the bed beside her and obtain my tie, effectively freeing her, and peel her t-shirt off her forehead. She fixes her bra and lies back down. I tuck her into the duvet and smile at the warmth that spreads through my chest as she gazes up at me, sated and spent.

"That was really nice," she says smiling bashfully up at me.

"There's that word again."

"You don't like that word?"

"No. It doesn't do it for me at all." Not one bit. But you, Miss Steele, you do.

"Oh—I don't know… it seems to have a very beneficial effect on you." I can feel the frown mar my face.

"I'm a beneficial effect, now am I? Could you wound my ego any further, Miss Steele?"

"I don't think there's anything wrong with your ego." HA. Right. There's plenty wrong with my ego. _And here I though this woman was smart and could see right through you, Grey. Shut it, asshole, _little man hopeful snarls back at my subconscious.

"You think?" I say softly, hoping her words can someday be true while little man and my subconscious stare each other down in the depths of my mind.

"Why don't you like to be touched?" I sigh. Here we go with questions. This is why I like boundaries.

"I just don't." I push my lips onto her forehead to quiet her away from this line of questioning. "So, that email was your idea of a joke."

Her lips curve into a small smile and her shoulders lift and fall.

"I see. So you are still considering my proposition?" I can feel my stomach fall from my torso as I say the words. This is it. I beg her to see the sincerity in my eyes. Please. Please. Please.

"Your indecent proposal… yes, I am. I have issues though."

I smile and breathe my first easy breath since I saw her email back at the Heathman.

"I'd be disappointed if you didn't," I reply when all I want to do is kiss her.

"I was going to email them to you, but you kind of interrupted me."

"Coitus interruptus."

"See, I knew you had a sense of humor in there." She smiles and my stomach knots.

"Only certain things are funny, Anastasia. I thought you were saying no, no discussion at all." I try to keep the panic from returning to my voice and I think I mostly succeed.

"I don't know yet. I haven't made up my mind." _Shit. _"Will you collar me?"

I raise my eyebrows to question her. "You have been doing your research. I don't know, Anastasia, I've never collared anyone."

Her face registers shock. Not everyone collars his or her Submissives, Ana.

"Were you collared?" Her voice is barely audible.

"Yes."

The image of Elena standing before me, in her tight black Mistress suit holding the length of black leather chained to the collar around my neck comes unbidden into my mind. _Christian, do you understand the severity of your transgression? _She pulls on the leather in her hand, yanking my neck forward toward her, my feet following quickly behind until we're a breath apart. _Yes, Mistress Lincoln._

"By Mrs. Robinson?" Ana's eyes are wide, her face pale.

"Mrs. Robinson!" I laugh a full belly howl, my head thrown back at her words. Elena will surely get a kick out of that!

"I'll tell her you said that; she'll love it."

"You still talk to her regularly?" The grin disappears form her face immediately.

"Yes." Why is she looking so incredibly freaked out right now?

"I see." Her voice sounds as though she is barely holding back her irritation. What did I do? "So you have someone you can discuss your alternative lifestyle with, but I'm not allowed." It's not a question. My face falls.

"I don't think I've ever thought about it like that. Mrs. Robinson was part of that lifestyle. I told you, she's a good friend now. If you'd like, I can introduce you to one of my former subs. You could talk to her." …Leila or Suzanna or Karen perhaps.

The irritation changes to anger quickly.

"Is this _your _idea of a joke?"

What? No. What the fuck is going on?

"No, Anastasia." I shake my head trying to rally my thoughts.

"No—I'll do this on my own, thank you very much." She snaps back and pulls the quilt tight around her neck. She looks like a scared child watching a horror film.

"Anastasia, I…." I'm sorry. "I didn't mean to offend you."

"I'm not offended. I am appalled."

"Appalled?" How has this flipped onto me? I'm only trying to help. Trying to understand.

"I don't want to talk to one of your ex-girlfriends… slave… sub… whatever you call them."

Aha. It becomes clear.

"Anastasia Steele—are you jealous?"

There's my answer, in the deep red flush across her face.

"Are you staying?" She asks, reminding me again of a scared child.

"I have a breakfast meeting tomorrow at the Heathman. Besides, I told you, I don't sleep with girlfriends, slaves, subs, or anyone. Friday and Saturday were exceptions. It won't happen again." I try to keep a hold on my determination but I can't feel the conviction behind my words. I want to stay, for some unknown reason, but I can't. I need to go. I can't get in too deep with her.

_Too late, Grey._

She presses her lips together, "Well I'm tired now." I think the surprise has to register on my face. Shock perhaps.

"Are you kicking me out?" I try to hide my disappointment under a look of amusement.

"Yes."

"Well, that's an other first. So nothing you want to discuss now? About the contract?" I don't want to leave you, yet. Why can't you see that?

"No."

"God, I'd like to give you a good hiding. You'd feel a lot better, and so would I." I mutter more to myself than her, but she definitely heard me.

"You can't say things like that… I haven't signed anything yet."

"A man can dream, Anastasia." I grab her chin between my fingers to hold her attention and study her eyes. "Wednesday?" I kiss her lips. Her eyes seem torn between pride and desire. I guess it's understandable.

"Wednesday," she promises. "I'll see you out if you give me a minute." She pushes me out of her way and I grudgingly stand off he bed and put distance between us.

_You said you needed to leave, Christian. You said you don't want to sleep with her. You said you want a contract and rules and boundaries. Here you go. Here is the relationship you wanted._

"Please pass me my sweatpants." She demands, holding her hand out impatiently. Her words and tone make me smile.

"Yes, ma'am."

She secures her hair, dreadfully out of control from sex, in a hair tie and proceeds out the door into the living room.

On the walk I hear little man hopeful's words knocking around in my mind. _Here is the relationship you wanted. _I feel a longing entrench my body but I'm sure for what. We pause at the door, feeling the cool night air pass through the open door. Ana is staring down at her fingers, breathing deeply, as if to hold back tears.

"You okay?" I ask as I tilt her chin up so I can see her eyes. I see the tears just below the surface as I brush my thumb across her bottom lip. I don't want to go. Ask me to stay. Tell me you need me. Ask me to stay again.

"Yes," she replies and I have to honor it, although I'm not convinced. I can see she's upset, but about what I don't know.

"Wednesday." I lean in and seal the date with a swift kiss but as our lips touch my need for her takes over and I'm devouring her sweet taste. I need her to need me. I need her. The thought causes me to pull back in a swirl of heavy breathing and racing hearts. I lean my forehead onto hers, trying to steady myself. _Calm down._

"Anastasia, what are you doing to me?" I feel like a moth drawn to an open flame. I know this will end with me nursing my wounds, or worse, but I cannot resist her brilliance and warmth.

"I could say the same to you." I press my lips to her forehead and turn, waling back to the Audi. I smile at her one last time, pleased at her words, then get into my car and drive away.

What the hell was all that? I'm in much deeper than even I had imagined. I need to set up an appointment with Flynn. Perhaps a skype session will be in order before Wednesday. I need to wrangle in these feelings and he may help provide me with perspective. I need to do what I can to prepare for her answer to my, what did she say, oh yes, indecent proposal. I need to be prepared for a no. And I think even more so, I need to be prepared for a yes.

* * *

_Leave a review & let me know what you think! xxx_


	19. Chapter 19

AN: Enjoy the two posts in one day! Thanks for all the love! I look forward to reading your thought on both updates today! Review please :]

Thank you to OverTheBrink for bringing my attention to the lack of clause numbers in the chapter for the post! I hate that when you transfer from word it doesn't keep the same formatting, so my numbering disappeared. However, it should be fixed now!

* * *

I enter the suite and go directly to my laptop. I feel a fission of disappointment that there is no email from Ana detailing her "issues" about the contract. I decide to email her first, maybe she's still awake and I can talk to her again before I go to sleep.

_You could just call her, Grey._

_ Or you could have just stayed with her, Christian._

Yes, I'll email her.

_ Really? Desperate measures I guess, Grey, huh?_

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **This Evening

**Date: **May 23 2011 23:16

**To: **Anastasia Steele

Miss Steele,

I look forward to receiving your notes on the contract.

Until then, sleep well, baby.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

I busy myself reading some documents in preparation for the breakfast meeting I have in the morning. I nearly jump out of my seat when I receive an email some time later. When I see the title I pull out my copy of the contract from my bag to read alongside her email.

* * *

**CONTRACT**

Made this day _ of 2011 ("The Commencement Date")

**BETWEEN**

MR. CHRISTIAN GREY of 301 Escala, Seattle, WA, 98889 ("The Dominant")

MISS ANASTASIA STEELE of 1114 SW Green Street, Apartment 7, Haven Heights, Vancouver, WA 98888 ("The Submissive)

**THE PARTIES AGREE AS FOLLOWS**

1. The following are the terms of a binding contract between the Dominant and the Submissive

**FUNDAMENTAL TERMS**

2. The fundamental purpose of this contract is to allow the Submissive to explore her sensuality and her limits safely, with due respect and regard for her needs, her limits, and her well-being.

3. The Dominant and the Submissive agree and acknowledge that all that occurs under the terms of this contract will be consensual, confidential, and subject to the agreed limits and safety procedures set out in this contract. Additional limits and safety procedures may be agreed in writing.

4. The Dominant and the Submissive each warrant that they suffer from no sexual, serious, infections or life-threatening illnesses including but no limited to HIV, herpes, and hepatitis. If during the Term (as defined below) or any extended term of this contract either party should be diagnosed with or become aware of any such illness, he or she undertakes to inform the other immediately and in any event prior to any form of physical contact between the parties.

5. Adherence to the above warranties, agreements, and undertakings (and any additional limits and safety procedures agreed under clause 3 above) are fundamental to this contract. Any breach shall render it void with immediate effect and each part agrees to be fully responsible to the other for the consequence of any breach.

6. Everything in this contract must be read and interpreted in the light of the fundamental purpose and the fundamental terms set out in clauses 2-5 above.

**ROLES**

7. The Dominant shall take responsibility for the well-being and the proper training, guidance, and discipline of the Submissive. He shall decide the nature of such training, guidance, and discipline and the time and place of its administration, subject to the agreed terms, limitations, and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above.

8. If at any time the Dominant should fail to keep the agreed terms, limitations, and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above, the Submissive is entitled to terminate this contract forthwith and leave the service of the Dominant without notice.

9. Subject to that proviso and to clauses 2-5 above, the Submissive is to serve and obey the Dominant in all things. Subject to the agreed terms, limitations, and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above, she shall without query or hesitation offer the Dominant such pleasure as he may require and she shall accept without query or hesitation his training, guidance, and discipline in whatever form it may take.

**COMMENCEMENT AND TERM**

10. The Dominant and Submissive enter into this contract on the Commencement Date fully aware of its nature and undertake to abide by its conditions without exception.

11. This contract shall be effective for a period of three calendar months from the Commencement Date ("the Term"). On the expiry of the Term the parties shall discuss whether this contract and the arrangements they have made under this contract are satisfactory and whether the needs of each party have been met. Either party may propose the extension of this contract subject to adjustments to its terms or to the arrangements they have made under it. In the absence of agreement to such extension this contract shall terminate and both parties shall be free to resume their lives separately.

**AVAILABILITY**

12. The Submissive will make herself available to the Dominant from Friday evenings through to Sunday afternoons each week during the Term at times to be specified by the Dominant ("the Allotted Times"). Further allocated time can be mutually agreed on an ad hoc basis.

13. The Dominant reserves the right to dismiss the Submissive from her service at any time and for any reason. The Submissive may request her release at any time, such request to be granted at the discretion of the Dominant subject only to the Submissive's rights under clauses 2-5 and 8 above.

**LOCATION**

14. The Submissive will make herself available during the Allotted Times and agreed additional times at locations to be determined by the Dominant. The Dominant will ensure that all travel costs incurred by the Submissive for that purpose are met by the Dominant.

**SERVICE PROVISIONS**

15. The following service provisions have been discussed and agreed and will be adhered to by both parties during the Term. Both parties accept that certain matters may arise that are not covered by the terms of this contract or the service provisions, or that certain matters may be renegotiated. In such circumstances, further clauses may be proposed by way of amendment. Any further clauses or amendments must be agreed, documented, and signed by both parties and shall be subject to the fundamental terms set out under clauses 2-5 above.

**DOMINANT**

15.1. The Dominant shall make the Submissive's health and safety a priority at all times. The Dominant shall not at any time require, request, allow, or demand the Submissive to participate at the hands of the Dominant in the activities detailed in Appendix 2 or in any act that either party deems to be unsafe. The Dominant will not undertake or permit to be undertaken any action which could cause serious injury or any risk to the Submissive's life. The remaining subclauses of this clause 15 are to be read subject to this proviso and to the fundamental matters agreed in clauses 2-5 above.

15.2. The Dominant accepts the Submissive as his, to own, control, dominate, and discipline during the Term. The Dominant may use the Submissive's body at any time during the Allotted Times or any agreed additional times in any manner he deems fit, sexually or otherwise.

15.3. The Dominant shall provide the Submissive with all necessary training and guidance in how to properly serve the Dominant.

15.4. The Dominant shall maintain a stable and safe environment in which the Submissive may perform her duties in service of the Dominant.

15.5. The Dominant may discipline the Submissive as necessary to ensure the Submissive fully appreciates her role of subservience to the Dominant and to discourage unacceptable conduct. The Dominant may flog, spank, whip, or corporally punish the Submissive as he sees fit, for purposes of discipline, for his own personal enjoyment, or for any other reason, which he is not obliged to provide.

15.6. In training and in the administration of discipline the Dominant shall ensure that no permanent marks are made upon the Submissive's body nor any injuries incurred that may require medical attention.

15.7. In training and in the administration of discipline the Dominant shall ensure that the discipline and the instruments used to the purposes of discipline are safe, shall not be used in such a way as to cause serious harm, and shall not in any way exceed the limits defined and detailed in this contract.

15.8. In case of illness or injury the Dominant shall care for the Submissive, seeing to her health and safety, encouraging and, when necessary, ordering medical attention when it is judged necessary by the Dominant.

15.9. The Dominant shall maintain his own good health and seek medical attention when necessary in order to maintain a risk-free environment.

15.10. The Dominant shall not loan his Submissive to another Dominant.

15.11. The Dominant may restrain, handcuff, or bind the Submissive at any time during the Allotted Times or any agreed additional times for any reason and for extended periods of time, given due regard to the health and safety of the Submissive.

15.12. The Dominant will ensure that all equipment used for the purposes of training and discipline shall be maintained in a clean hygienic, and safe state at all times.

**SUBMISSIVE**

15.13. The Submissive accepts the Dominant as her master, with the understanding that she is now the property of the Dominant, to be dealt with as the Dominant pleases during the Term generally but specifically during the Allotted Times and any additional agreed allotted times.

15.14. The Submissive shall obey the rules ("the Rules") set out in Appendix 1 to this agreement.

15.15. The Submissive shall serve the Dominant in any way the Dominant sees fit and shall endeavor to please the Dominant at all times to the best of her ability.

15.16. The Submissive shall take all measures necessary to maintain her good health and shall request or seek medical attention whenever it is needed, keeping the Dominant informed at all times of any health issues that may arise.

15.17. The Submissive will ensure that she procures oral contraception and ensure that she takes it as and when prescribed to prevent any pregnancy.

15.18. The Submissive shall accept without question any and all disciplinary actions deemed necessary by the Dominant and remember her status and role in regard to the Dominant at all times.

15.19. The Submissive shall not touch or pleasure herself sexually without permission from the Dominant.

15.20. The Submissive shall submit to any sexual activity demanded by the Dominant and shall do so without hesitation or argument.

15.21. The Submissive shall accept whippings, floggings, spanking, canings, paddlings, or any other discipline the Dominant should decide to administer, without hesitation, injury, or complaint.

15.22. The Submissive shall not look directly into the eyes of the Dominant except when specifically instructed to do so. The Submissive shall keep her eyes cast down and maintain a quiet and respectful bearing in the presence of the Dominant.

15.23. The Submissive shall always conduct herself in a respectful manner to the Dominant and shall address him only as Sir, Mr. Grey, or such other title as the Dominant may direct.

15.24. The Submissive will not touch the Dominant without his express permission to do so.

**ACTIVITIES**

16. The Submissive shall not participate in activities or any sexual acts that either party deems to be unsafe or any activities detailed in Appendix 2.

17. The Dominant and the Submissive have discussed the activities set out in Appendix 3 and recorded in writing on Appendix 3 their agreement in respect of them.

**SAFEWORDS**

18. The Dominant and the Submissive recognize that the Dominant may make demands of the Submissive that cannot be met without incurring physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or other harm at the time the demands are made to the Submissive. In such circumstances related to this, the Submissive may make use of a safeword ("the Safeword[s]"). Two Safewords will be invoked depending on the severity of the demands.

19. The Safeword "Yellow" will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the Submissive is close to her limit of endurance.

20. The Safeword "Red" will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the Submissive cannot tolerate any further demands. When this word is said, the Dominant's action will cease completely with immediate effect.

**CONCLUSION**

21. We the undersigned have read and understood fully the provisions of this contract. We freely accept the terms of this contract and have acknowledged this by our signatures below.

**The Dominant: Christian Grey**

**Date:**

**The Submissive: Anastasia Steele**

**Date:**

* * *

**APPENDIX 1**

**RULES**

_Obedience:_

The Submissive will obey any instructions given by the Dominant immediately without hesitation or reservation and in an expeditious manner. The Submissive will agree to any sexual activity deemed fit and pleasurable by the Dominant excepting those activities that are outlined in hard limits (Appendix 2). She will do so eagerly and without hesitation.

_Sleep:_

The Submissive will ensure she achieves a minimum of eight hours' sleep a night when she is not with the Dominant.

_Food:_

The Submissive will eat regularly to maintain her health and well-being from a prescribed list of foods (Appendix 4). The Submissive will not snack between meals, with the exception of fruit.

_Clothes:_

During the Term the Submissive will wear clothing only approved by the Dominant. The Dominant will provide a clothing budget for the Submissive, which the Submissive shall utilize. The Dominant shall accompany the Submissive to purchase clothing on an ad hoc basis. If the Dominant so requires, the Submissive shall, during the Term, wear adornments the Dominant shall require, in the presence of the Dominant and at any other time the Dominant deems fit.

_Exercise:_

The Dominant shall provide the Submissive with a personal trainer four times a week in hour-long sessions at times to be mutually agreed between the personal trainer and the Submissive. The personal trainer will report to the Dominant on the Submissive's progress.

_Personal Hygiene/Beauty:_

The Submissive will keep herself clean and shaved and/or waxed at all times. The Submissive will visit a beauty salon of the Dominant's choosing at times to be decided by the Dominant and undergo whatever treatments the Dominant sees fit. All costs will be met by the Dominant.

_Personal Safety:_

The Submissive will not enter into any sexual relationship with anyone other than the Dominant. The Submissive will conduct herself in a respectful and modest manner at all times. She must recognize that her behavior is a direct reflection on the Dominant. She shall be held accountable for any misdeeds, wrongdoings, and misbehavior committed when not in the presence of the Dominant.

**Failure to comply with any of the above will result in immediate punishment, the nature of which shall be determined by the Dominant.**

* * *

**APPENDIX 2**

**HARD LIMITS**

No acts involving fire play.

No acts involving urination or defecation or the products thereof.

No acts involving needles, knives, cutting, piercing, or blood.

No acts involving gynecological medical instruments.

No acts involving children or animals.

No acts that will leave any permanent marks on the skin.

No acts involving breath control.

No activity that involves the direct contact of electrical current (whether alternating or direct), fire, or flames to the body.

* * *

**APPENDIX 3**

**SOFT LIMITS**

To be discussed and agreed between both parties:

_Does the Submissive consent to:_

Masturbation

Cunnilingus

Fellatio

Swallowing Semen

Vaginal Intercourse

Vaginal Fisting

Anal Intercourse

Anal Fisting

_Does the Submissive consent to the use of:_

Vibrators

Butt Plugs

Dildos

Other vaginal/anal toys

Does the Submissive consent to:

Bondage with rope

Bondage with leather cuffs

Bondage with handcuffs/shackles/manacles

Bondage with tape

Bondage with other

_Does the Submissive consent to be restrained with:_

Hands bound in front

Ankles bound

Elbows bound

Hands bound behind back

Knees bound

Wrists bound to ankles

Binding to fixed items, furniture, etc.

Binding with spreader bar

Suspension

_Does the Submissive consent to be blindfolded?_

_Does the Submissive consent to be gagged?_

_How much pain is the Submissive willing to experience?_

Where 1 is likes intensely and 5 is dislikes intensely:

1—2—3—4—5

_Does the Submissive consent to accept the following forms of pain/punishment/discipline:_

Spanking

Whipping

Biting

Genital Clamps

Hot Wax

Paddling

Caning

Nipple Clamps

Ice

Other types/methods of pain

* * *

**From: **Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Issues

**Date: **May 24 2011 00:02

**To: **Christian Grey

Dear Mr. Grey,

Here is my list of issues. I look forward to discussing them more fully at dinner on Wednesday.

The numbers refer to clauses:

2: Not sure why this is solely for MY benefit—i.e., to explore MY sensuality and limits. I'm sure I wouldn't need a ten-page contract to do that! Surely this is for YOUR benefit.

4: As you are aware, you are my only sexual partner. I don't take drugs, and I've not had any blood transfusions. I am probably safe. What about you?

8: I can terminate at any time if I don't think you're sticking to the agreed limits. Okay—I like this.

9: Obey you in all things? Accept without hesitation your discipline? We need to talk about this.

11: One-month trial period. Not three.

12: I cannot commit every weekend. I do have a life, or will have. Perhaps three out of four?

15.2: Using my body as you see fit sexually or otherwise—please define "or otherwise."

15.5: This whole discipline clause. I'm not sure I want to be whipped, flogged, or corporally punished. I am sure this would be in breach of clauses 2-5. And also "for any other reason" that's just mean—and you told me you weren't a sadist.

15.10: Like loaning me out to someone else would ever be an option. But I'm glad it's here in black and white.

15.14: The rules. More on those later.

15.19: Touching myself without your permission. What's the problem with this? You know I don't do it anyway.

15.21: Discipline—please see clause 15.5 above.

15.22: I can't look in your eyes? Why?

15.24: Why can't I touch you?

Rules:

Sleep—I'll agree to six hours.

Food—I am not eating food from a prescribed list. The food list goes or I do—deal breaker.

Clothes—As long as I only have to wear your clothes when I'm with you… okay.

Exercise—We agreed on three hours, this still says four.

Soft limits:

Can we go through all of these? No fisting of any kind. What is suspension? Genital clamps—you have got to be kidding me.

Can you please let me know the arrangement for Wednesday? I am working until five p.m. that day.

Good night.

Ana

* * *

I smile at her thoughts and reply immediately.

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Issues

**Date: **May 24 2011 00:07

**To: **Anastasia Steele

Miss Steele,

That's a long list. Why are you still up?

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

**From: **Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Burning the Midnight Oil

**Date: **May 23 2011 00:10

**To: **Christian Grey

Sir,

If you recall, I was going through this list when I was distracted and bedded by a passing control freak.

Good night.

Ana

* * *

There goes that smile again.

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Stop Burning the Midnight Oil

**Date: **May 23 2011 00:12

**To: **Anastasia Steele

GO TO BED, ANASTASIA.

Christian Grey

CEO & Control Freak, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

After five minutes I decide she must have listened to me and gone to bed. About fucking time.

* * *

I reread her issues four times, turn off my laptop, and head into the bedroom. I change into sweatpants and brush my teeth. I finally lay down in bed and hug her pillow to my chest again, drifting into a restless sleep again filled with deep blue eyes and the word "Sir" falling from those lush pink lips.


	20. UPDATE Not a chapter, but important

Hey guys! I'm sorry for the lack of frequent updates right now... I have a week and a half of a crazy busy schedule with finishing my internship, presenting at conferences, and attending conferences so my updates won't be as frequent as I'd like them to be right now. But don't fear- the craziness will ease up a bit come the 15th and hopefully I can to my hearts content! I promise I haven't forgotten about you and I promise the story will be continuing! Please be patient with me and hang in there. I'll post as soon as I can! 3

Much love,

Bri


	21. Chapter 21

AN: I'M BACK! Thank you for all of your patients (please excuse that typo... I've been working in a psych hospital for too long already!.) *Patience. Once my schedule slowed the beginning of this week, then I hit writer's block having that long off without writing... Forgive the mistakes for now. I wanted to get this posted before I leave in a half hour but I don't have time to do my preferred three read through's before I post. SO I will edit tomorrow, but I didn't want to leave my amazing readers waiting any longer than you already have! 3

_Also, as someone who grew up in Massachusetts and will be moving back in the next few weeks, I want to thank everyone who has shown support for Boston this week. 3 We're a strong city, but at a time like this, having a palpable thread of strength from around the country and in some cases, around the world, helps. So thank you._

Okay, I've hit 81,000+ reads without having posted in over two weeks! You guys are incredible! I want to thank all my readers and reviewers! I haven't forgotten about you, I'll respond when I can. LOVE YOU ALL! Read, review, and most of all enjoy!

Laters Baby. x

* * *

I wake in a cold sweat unable to shake the nightmare from my mind. Looking at the clock I realize I've only been asleep for an hour. I know the effects of this nightmare will stick to my skin for hours leaving me restless and without sleep. I take a deep breath and rub my face furiously.

_I wish Ana were here. _

Whoa. Where did that come from?

Okay. I pull myself out of bed and fire up my laptop, reading her email once more before formulating my reply.

Alright, Miss Steele, game time.

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Your Issues

**Date: **May 24 2011 01:27

**To: **Anastasia Steele

Dear Miss Steele,

Following my more thorough examination of your issues, may I bring to your attention the definition of submissive.

Submissive [suhb-mis-iv]- adjective

Inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient; _submissive servants._

Marked by or indicating submission: _a submissive reply._

Origin: 1580-90; submiss + -ive

_Synonyms: _1. Tractable, compliant, pliant, amenable. 2. Passive, resigned, patient, docile, tame, subdued.

_Antonyms:_ _1. Rebellious, disobedient._

_Please bear this in mind for our meeting on Wednesday._

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

I take a cold shower and scrub my body until I'm red trying to rid the grime of the crack whore's pimp from my flesh. Christ, I really need to see Flynn, thankfully he's back and I can see him immediately following that fucking graduation. Between my night terrors and this back and forth game of waiting for an answer from Ana, I really feel like I'm losing my mind.

_You think you're just losing it now, Grey? Think again. The moment you started having conversations with me you should have been locked up in the loony bin. They should have thrown away the key. You're fucked up and too much of a monster for that innocent beauty with the big blue eyes. Leave her alone. Let her be. You'll burn her light out, it is bright and blinding but your darkness is much too overwhelming. You'll ruin her with this… and you know it. Do you think she'd be negotiating this if you told her the reason why you whip little brown haired girls who look like she does?_

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. I slam my palm against the tile of the shower and slide down the wall to the floor. I've no idea how long I sit there with the ice-cold water beating down on me before I hear that now very familiar hopeful voice suggest, _Christian, maybe you can be better for Ana… or rather because of Ana._

That thought alone pulls me away from the state my subconscious and nightmare have put me in… I'll be better for her… maybe because of her. I don't know how to be better, but for Anastasia, I will try. With this I get out of the shower and head back to bed.

I drift off into a more peaceful sleep, remembering my thoughts of dancing with Ana on beaches in the south of France. The thought is soothing and comforting and completely foreign to anything I've ever experienced previously. _And I don't hate it._

I awake at my alarm sounding, precisely eight in the morning. Okay, I have half an hour to shower, dress, and eat breakfast before my skype meetings begin. I proceed through my morning routine with a velocity that would be admired by that roadrunner character Mia loved watching as a kid and feel a piercing disappointment when my email shows no new email from Miss Steele._ Shit._

I go through my meetings and survive them only with thoughts of Ana. The curve of her waist. That ass. Her hair. Her lips. Those breasts. The way they rise and fall when she is panting. Her smile when she is sleeping in my arms. The way she whispers my name in her sleep. I lie awake and watch her sleep each time we've spent the night together, she truly is the most striking creature I've ever laid my eyes on. How wet and ready she is. Shit, I'm so glad I'm in virtual meetings today. This hard on would be impossible to hide from the boards otherwise. I smirk at the thought and am rewarded with curious looks from the fleet now assigned to the shipment in Darfur. Fuckers.

Six meetings, lunch with Taylor, and eight hours later my email signals a message from Miss Steele. That voice sounds out again in response to my doubt creeping in, _Christian, maybe you can be better for Ana… or rather because of Ana. _With a trembling finger I hover a moment over the email titled "My Issues… What about YOUR Issues?" then click the trackpad twice to revel her thoughts that will no doubt make my palm twitch.

* * *

**From: **Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **My Issues… What about YOUR Issues?

**Date: **May 24 2011 18:29

**To: **Christian Grey

Sir,

Please note the date of origin: 1580-90. I would respectfully remind Sir that the year is 2011. We have come a long way since then.

May I offer a definition for _you _to consider for our meeting:

Compromise [kom-pruh-mahyz] – noun

a settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modification demands. 2. The result of such a settlement. 3. Something intermediate between different things: _The split-level is a compromise between a ranch house and a multistoried house. _4. An endangering, esp. of reputation; exposure to danger, suspicion, etc.: _a compromise of one's integrity._

Ana

* * *

Well played, Miss Steele. I smirk and shake my head slowly. I'm not sure this woman could ever be submissive… but I'm willing to try it out and see.

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **What about My Issues?

**Date: **May 24 2011 18:32

**To: **Anastasia Steele

Good point, well made, as ever, Miss Steele. I will collect you from your apartment at 7:00 tomorrow.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

Now I'm grinning like a fucking loon. Christ, this woman has a power over me.

* * *

**From: **Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **2011-Women Can Drive

**Date: **May 24 2011 18:40

**To: **Christian Grey

Sir,

I have a car. I can drive.

I would prefer to meet you somewhere.

Where shall I meet you?

At your hotel at 7:00?

Ana

* * *

My grin is now gone, replaced by a foul frown and my hands running through my hair. How right I was about her having a power over me. The power to drive me fucking insane.

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Stubborn Young Women

**Date: **May 24 2011 18:43

**To: **Anastasia Steele

Dear Miss Steele,

I refer to my e-mail dated May 24, 2011, sent at 1:27 and the definition contained therein.

Do you ever think you'll be able to do what you're told?

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

After a few minutes of no response I begin to get nervous again. What is this? Let's see how quickly we can get Christian to feel the spectrum of emotions as quickly as possible? Fuck me.

_We know you won't feel love, Grey. You're not fucking capable. You have no heart. This woman deserves more than you._

* * *

**From: **Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Intractable Men

**Date: **May 24 2011 18:49

**To: **Christian Grey

Mr. Grey,

I would like to drive.

Please.

Ana

* * *

I see we've moved away from the playful Sir's to formalities. Fine.

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Exasperated Men

**Date: **May 24 2011 18:52

**To: **Anastasia Steele

Fine.

My hotel at 7:00.

I'll meet you in the Marble Bar.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

I'm well aware that my frown is vivid in the words but in this moment, I don't much care. I want to take care of her. Can't she see that? I want to take all the things she needs to worry about on a day to day basis and make them irrelevant in her mind; what to eat, where to be, how to get there, so she can relax and enjoy. This is what I want to give her. I'll have to plead my case better next time.

* * *

**From: **Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Not So Intractable Men

**Date: **May 24 2011 18:55

**To: **Christian Grey

Thank you.

Ana x

* * *

I smile at her response.

_You're in deep, Grey._

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Exasperated Women

**Date: **May 24 2011 18:59

**To: **Anastasia Steele

You're welcome.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

Picking up my phone I call Taylor. I need to work off this extra energy and without Miss Steele here for me to indulge in it sexually, I need to work out.

"Taylor, meet me in ten minutes for a run, then we'll grab dinner on the way back."

"Yes, Sir."

Taylor is a good man. The best security I've had. The guy before him was a total joke. He didn't know his ass from his elbow and looked like he belonged on a wrestling stage, but one of those goons with the long blonde hair, stars and stripes Speedo, and knee high boots. Yeah, that kind. I fired him a week after he started. I was still new to the top of the business pyramid and hadn't quite figured out how things worked security wise. Thankfully, I hired Welch and Welch hired Taylor.

I open the door to find Taylor ready to run in his shorts, t-shirt, and sneakers. I hate that he is armed under his shirt, but I can't sway him to not carry. I shake my head and we're off down the stairs and out the door into the brisk evening air. I set a punishing rhythm to free my mind of the mess of the day as well as the back and forth with Ana. I make a mental note to call Flynn tonight to ask for a skype appointment tomorrow.

When the run comes to a close I order room service for each of our rooms and send Taylor on his way. He is a man of few words, which I appreciate. I see his skeptical glances as I tell him I'll be meeting Miss Steele for dinner tomorrow but, but wisely he chooses not to comment further.

I shower quickly and return to a set table and a meal of pasta vodka from the restaurant downstairs. It's not my usual entrée but I felt something different would be just what the doctor ordered. Speaking of doctor…

"Christian, what can I do for you? It's been a while. How have you been in my absence?"

"Actually, Flynn, I need a virtual appointment now that you're back. I'm staying at the Heathman because I'm conferring degrees later this week but I need to speak about some new… umm…" What the hell do I say here? Challenges, changes, a virgin, and possible submissive, blah blah blah, nothing fits, "events that have recently landed in my life." And fallen into my office. _And your bed._

Yes, I smile at the memory of Ana coming apart under me. _Grey, get back on track here._

"Okay. I must say, I'm interested to hear what events have come up for you. And while I normally do not indulge patients in virtual meetings, since it's been so long since I've seen you and you are reaching out, I'll make the exception. Would 4:00 work for you?"

"Yes. Until tomorrow, John."

"4pm."

I breathe a sigh of relief and dig into my meal. Perhaps John can help me sort this shit out. Wow, this is really good. I clean my plate and pour over the spreadsheets sent over by Ros from Taiwan before I turn in for the night. I cannot wait until 7pm tomorrow. I cannot wait.

* * *

_Mommy… Mommy… Mommy, wake up! I'm hungry. My tummy really hurts, Mommy. Please wake up. Why are you so cold? Mommy. Here. I got you my blankey. Mommy, please wake up. I need you. I'm cold. I need you Mommy._

I wake in a cold sweat again. I wish Ana were here. I don't have these nightmares as bad when she's in my arms. I wonder why that is. Another question to ask Flynn. I go to the sink and wash my face with cold water before returning to bed and holding Ana's pillow tightly to my chest.

* * *

The morning passes in a blur with back-to-back meetings again, this time two were in person in the boardroom here at the hotel. Finally I've made it to 3:30 and decide to take another shower before speaking with Flynn. I need to clear my head. Usually, I'd use the run to his office to do so from home but today, I need a different avenue. By 3:50 I am dressed in my sweatpants and a t-shirt, ready and waiting for his call, when my cellphone begins to ring. It's an international number, France. That can mean only one thing... Mia. As much as I want to talk to my sister, she'll need to wait until the meeting with Flynn is over, I'd never get her off the phone in time.

"Hello John. How are you today?" I ask as the screen comes to life. John is sitting in his office, behind his desk, which is not a place I ever see him sit in that room.

"I'm doing well Christian. How are you?" The curiosity is evident on his face.

"Well, let's just say a lot has happened since I last talked to you…" I trail off running through the events from the past few weeks in my mind but John quickly brings me back.

"Okay, Christian. Why do you start by telling me what happened? From the beginning." He adds.

I launch into the story chronicling how Ana and I met, how she called me drunk, how I flew her in Charlie Tango, how she saw my playroom, how she was a fucking virgin… That reaction was priceless, John's eyebrows shot up to his hairline and he lost his composure for a moment. Priceless. He's always so put together. How we made love, vanilla. I leave out the details of the rest of our sexual escapades, I'm not sure John needs to hear those right now, and continue on to my choice to introduce Ana to my mother, and my joy in doing so! I tell him how we're in a negotiation right now but the not knowing is eating me alive. Which remind me about my nightmares…

"John, it's amazing how well I sleep when she's next to me. I had a few nightmares but they're usually pretty bearable when she's in my arms. I don't know what to make of it."

"Wow. That's a lot Christian. You say she sleeps in your bed? In your arms? How do you feel about that?"

"Confused. But comfortable. I mean, it's not something I've ever done before, as you know, but with Ana it seems to work for me."

"So… what do you want from Ana?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you say you want her as a Submissive, but you're doing a lot with her and for her that you wouldn't normally do for any other Submissive. I could list those things off to you but I think you're well aware of what they are. What's different about Anastasia?"

"Everything. She's innocent, beautiful, and she makes me feel…" I pause, struggling for a word to describe it. "…whole." Before I can edit the word, it falls out of my mouth. Whole? I roll the word around my mind, testing it. Flynn stays silent, waiting for me to work out my feelings regarding this thought. I sigh loudly and surrender to the word. "Yes, whole. It's an interesting and completely foreign feeling. I think I could want a different kind of relationship with Ana after the three-month period but I just don't know how to do that? Or what that would look like?"

"Do you expect yourself to know what a relationship would look like outside the BDSM community when it's all you've ever know or wanted?"

"Yes. I do expect that. I know it's irrational. But I'm pulled to this woman in such a visceral way. There's literally a spark of electricity between us when we touch. And when we're in an elevator, Christ, you could probably see it pulsing between us. I lose myself when I'm around her. Lost in a haze but everything also becomes so clear… I don't know. I just want her. I need her. In any way I can get her."

"Since you know that much, the rest is just negotiation and CONVERSATION. Remember, she's not used to a BDSM lifestyle, so you can't railroad her with dominance. It's a conversation. It's a compromise, according to the email she sent you. Just remember to breathe, stay true to wanting her in whatever way possible, and you should be able to continue seeing her."

"Okay. So I'll keep you posted. See you Monday?"

"Yes, Christian. See you Monday."

I click off and run my fists through my hair. I need to gather myself before meeting Ana. I call down to the restaurant and make sure everything is in place and set for her arrival.

* * *

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think! Review please. x


	22. Chapter 22

AN: **_THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU for your continued support! I appreciate and cherish each and every review, PM, and piece of feedback I get!_**

That being said, my updates have been lacking and I really apologize for that! It makes me sad that there are guest reviewers who are no longer checking in on the story because it's updates are now longer between- but if you make an account you can follow the story which would tell you when the chapters are updated, taking out that piece of work for yourself. Just a suggestion.

Also, I will be going more into Flynn pushing Christian to define what "however I can get her" means in Mondays session. Stay Tuned!

But as a reader- I know how hard it can be when stories go few and far between with updates! I promise I've been trying to get this chapter out to you guys for over a week. It wasn't a scene I connected with in the original, so it was really difficult for me to write. Anyways, here it goes! And because I wanted to make sure it was quality, it's my longer chapter yet at over 6,500 words! (I also wanted to make up for my lag in updates and treat you with a nice long chapter!)

Okay one more thing and then onto the reading: I now have a facebook account and twitter to keep you guys updated in my absences (also with sneak peaks, inspirations, pictures, etc) as I'll be moving next week and am not sure when I'll be able to get the next few chapters out as a result. Facebook: BriLee FanFiction and Twitter: BriLee7796.

Ready? Set. _Smut_. ;) Enjoy & Review!

* * *

I'm drinking a glass of white wine, a Sancerre, leaning against the bar waiting for that beautiful creature to come through the doors. I'm frankly not sure if I'm leaning to remain steady on my feet or to brace myself prior to seeing her for a sight that will surely make my knees go weak. What the hell? Who am I? I don't say shit like make my knees go weak.

_Get a fucking grip, Grey. Remember compromise, but you've got to pull your shit together._

Just then Ana comes around the corner and into view wearing her hair down framing her beautiful face and breasts and a purple dress that clings to her curves and falls mid-thigh with matching stilettos. As she moves closer I can see that she's put on some subtle makeup, a bit of gloss on her plush lips… Fuck, how am I going to tear my eyes away from her mouth tonight?... and her blue eyes stand out even more from a hint of mascara on her long lashes. I really hit the jackpot when she tumbled into my office. She's incredibly magnificent. Focus Grey. Focus. I don't think I've even moved since she came into my view. This moment feels as if it's suspended in time. I blink furiously to clear my mind and a smile creeps across my face as her breathing quickens and she slowly grazes her teeth across her lower lip. Oh, please give me strength. I want to take her upstairs right now.

I move across the room to meet her, knowing her track record with walking, I wanted to avoid her stumbling in those sky-high heels. My mind wanders to her in Louboutins and them wrapped around my waist with her pushed up against the wall.

"You look stunning," I say to drag myself back to the present and I lean down and plant a kiss on her cheek. "A dress, Miss Steele, I approve." I wrap her arm through mine and lead her to our booth in the corner of the restaurant. "What would you like to drink?"

She smiles at me and I'm certain her smart mouth is going to rear it's not so ugly head when she replies that she'll have what I'm having. I make small talk about the wine cellar selection briefly but find myself drawn into her almost immediately. Sitting this close to her, I cannot deny it. Not that I can deny it when we're miles apart either. I need her to agree to this. I need her to say yes. I need her. I can see her shift in her seat, her eyes drifting down towards the table, breaking my gaze.

"Are you nervous?" I ask, hoping she'll state the obvious so I subtly can let her know how my stomach is in knots also.

"Yes." Her voice is small and her eyes glance at me momentarily before inspecting the white table linen again.

"Me, too," I lean in toward her and whisper as if it's the biggest secret I've ever told. Truthfully, it feels as though it is. I've never owned any feelings besides anger before and nervousness is a sign of weakness in business, so I attack things, head on with a ferocity that makes others nervous… but I never own my anxieties. Miss Steele, however, consistently has me shaking in my boots. I smile at the thought and her face mirrors her shock at my response.

The waiter sets down a few small dishes of nuts and olives as well as Ana's wine.

"So, how are we going to do this? Run through my points one by one?" The words tumble out of her mouth as if they'd been pushing against her lips for days.

"Impatient as ever, Miss Steele." I can't rush this. I want to enjoy the night with her also… we have all night. There's always a possibility that she could deny our contract, our connection, and me, so I must spend some time with her first before we dive into the contract details.

"Well, I could ask you what you thought of the weather today."

Fuck me, Ana. That mouth of yours. I take a moment to wrangle my thoughts and my cock which in turn will build her anticipation. I watch her cheeks turn that delicious blush as I eat an olive from the bowl.

"I thought the weather was particularly unexceptional today." I can't help the shit-eating grin that spreads across my face. Yes, I'll make sure I enjoy this game.

"Are you smirking at me, Mr. Grey?"

"I am, Miss Steele."

Then she jumps into the deep end of contracts and our negotiations without enjoying the shallow end of flirtation and the building of suspense.

_Much like you when you tore through her virginity and threw contracts at her, huh, Grey?_

Fuck.

"You know this contract is legally unenforceable."

Yes… Where is she going with this?

"I am fully aware of that, Miss Steele."

"Were you going to tell me that at any point?"

Isn't it obvious that I wouldn't want to out my life style or myself if I had you sign an NDA…? Shit. She thinks I'm scum, which I am... but for much different reasons. I may be an asshole sadist who likes to fuck little brown haired girls into submission because my crackwhore mother and her dickwad pimp destroyed me as a child but I am not a liar or a cheat.

I sigh heavily and proceed, "You'd think I'd coerce you into something you don't want to do, and then pretend that I have a legal hold over you?"

"Well… yes." She replies, her voice barely a whisper as she shifts uncomfortably in her seat.

"You don't think very highly of me, do you?"

_Why should she?_

"You haven't answered my question."

"Anastasia, it doesn't matter if it's legal or not. It represents an arrangement that I would like to make with you- what I would like from you and what you can expect from me. If you don't like it, then don't sign. If you do sign and then decide you don't like it, there are enough get-out clauses so you can walk away. Even if it were legally binding, do you think I'd drag you through the courts if you did decide to run?"

I watch her take a long sip of her wine and eye me over the brink of her glass. I decide this is a Flynn type of silence and I should proceed talking. Here it comes. She pushed me into the deep end of the pool, time for sink or swim.

"Relationships like this are built on honesty and trust. If you don't tryst me- trust me to know how I'm affecting you, how far I can go with you, how far I can take you- if you can't be honest with me, then we really can't do this."

This became very serious, very quickly.

She's still looking at me, frozen with the glass to her lips, although she stopped drinking from it quite some time ago now.

"So it's quite simple, Anastasia. Do you trust me or not?" I can feel my pleading for an answer pulse through my veins.

"Did you have similar discussions with, umm… the fifteen?" Christ, she's not going to answer my question.

"No." I clip back.

"Why not?" I can feel the agitation just below the surface of my skin. I want her answer. I hate waiting. My entire body is aching to know if she'll have me or not… if I can have her or not…

"Because they were all established submissives. They knew what they wanted out of a relationship with me and generally what I expected. With them, it was just a question of fine-tuning the soft limits, details like that."

"Is there a store you go to? Submissives 'R' Us?"

I don't mean to laugh at her remark but it can't be helped. I'm chastised only slightly by the look of embarrassment spread across her face. "Not exactly," I respond.

"Then how?"

This is exhausting. I need her answer.

"Is that what you want to discuss? Or shall we get down to the nitty-gritty? Your issues, as you say?"

I watch her swallow a lump in her throat and imagine running my tongue down her trachea, blowing cool air from my nose to tingle the line left behind, sending shivers through her body.

"Are you hungry?" I'm going to need another distraction if we're going to do this and I'm not to cream my pants without her even touching me, which will surely happen if my mind continues to distract me with thoughts like that. Fuck.

"No."

"Have you eaten today?"

Her eyes widen and before she responds I feel my palm twitch, I already know the answer.

"No."

I reign in my Dominant voice to prove my point, "You have to eat, Anastasia." I soften my voice slightly, "We can eat down here or in my suite. What would you prefer?"

"I think we should stay in public, on neutral ground?" I see what she's playing at, and I agree we need to figure this out and if I take her upstairs we'll fall into bed and not leave until morning, but I can't let her know that. It's all about appearances in a negotiation.

I let a smile slip across my lips and cram as much sensuality into my voice as possible, "Do you think that would stop me?"

Her breath stops for a moment and her eyes widen again. Regaining herself she whispers softly, "I hope so."

Okay. Enough. I've got to do something or I'm going to crawl out of my skin.

"Come, I have a private dining room booked. No public." I stand and offer her my hand and a panty drenching smile. "Bring your wine." I add as an afterthought. She opens up more with a little alcohol in her system.

She places her hand in mine and that current jolts through my body, lighting my blood aflame. I can't wait to touch her all over that perfect body of hers again.

The waiter led us through the lobby to a room upstairs with a single table in the middle of the room under a brilliant chandelier. When we've seated, I find myself enamored with the way the light dances on her eyes.

"Don't bite your lip," I manage to whisper as my cock stirs in my pants. I want her. Here. Now.

"I've ordered already. I hope you don't mind." I fill in the silence when I see her frown.

"No, that's fine," she mutters.

"It's good to know that you can be amenable. Now, where were we?"

"The nitty-gritty." She says, taking another long sip from her wine glass and that blush creeps across her skin again.

I can't imagine that even after the intimacy we've shared to this point, she still is embarrassed to talk about it. But I guess that's part of what has caught me in her grasp to this point. She's unlike anyone I've ever known. All the women I've been with have been aggressive enough to secure a submissive status with me, had the experience sexually and in the lifestyle, and never had an ounce of mystery in the way Miss Steele does. I never had to think about them more than how their body would react to what I scene I was planning next. Ana, though, she has captured my mind leaving me reeling and grasping for any understanding of her I can hold onto. It astounds me that she is truly considering this contract when she's never had a relationship, never mind any sexual contact until the other night with me. Truly astounding.

Okay, Grey, back to the task at hand. The nitty-gritty.

"Yes, Your issues." I mutter as I pull out my newest copy of our contract, updated with her concerns, from my jacket pocket. I clear my throat and rally my thoughts before proceeding.

"Clause 2. Agreed. This is for the benefit of us both. I shall redraft." I pause for a moment, realize she is not about to give any input and decide to continue. "My sexual health." I tell her that I've always required blood tests of partners, I'm checked regularly for any health risks, and include my anti-drug mindset for myself and demands of sobriety for all employees also. She blinks rapidly a few times as if to process the information and this time I won't proceed until I get a response but she remains still as stone.

"I have never had any blood transfusions. Does that answer your question?" I ask, urging her to answer. Ana, I need a barometer for how you're doing and your taciturn nature isn't helping my nerves.

She just nods, keeping that stone façade. Shit.

"Your next point I mentioned earlier. You can walk away at any time, Anastasia. I won't stop you. If you go however- that's it. Just so you know." I find the words exceedingly difficult to pass through my lips. Why was that so hard to say? I know deep down in my gut that her terminating this contract would leave me in pain. I'd have no choice but to let her go. I'm a stubborn and proud man, I have worked hard for everything I've built. I cannot lose it all to a woman.

_Put your guard down Christian. She already has a piece of your heart. Relax. Enjoy the ride._

What the fuck?. I don't have a heart, Little Man. You overestimate me.

_No. I don't. Your self-loathing is forever in the way of you seeing anything worthy of yourself, Christian. Flynn has told you that enough. Give in. Bask in the light that is Ana while you have her. Enjoy this._

To avoid further confrontation with Mr. Mouth full of shit hopeful over there, I hear Ana's small voice agree and turn my attention to the oysters the waiter has just dropped at our table. As if I need an aphrodisiac when Miss Steele is around, but this should be fun, regardless.

"I hope you like oysters."

"I've never had one." Another first? I really like this game.

"Really? Well." I pick one up to demonstrate. "All you do is tip and swallow. I think you can manage that." My cock twitches again at the thought and on cue she blushes. Christ, I could time that down to the second now. I squeeze some lemon onto my oyster and show her how, indulging on how her eyes lingered a moment too long on my lips. I lick them slowly then add, "Hmm delicious. Tastes of the sea." But you're so much better on my lips, Anastasia. "Go on."

"So, I don't chew it?" I want to laugh, but I refrain because of the sincerity in her question.

"No, Anastasia, you don't." I felt as though I was coaching her, encouraging her, until she bit her lip and I felt the desire course through my veins. It's an instant response. My brain floods with chemicals and sends them firing through all systems in my body. My breathing changes, my stomach knots, and my pants tighten. Fuck me. This woman really is the end of life, as I know it. No one has ever affected me like this before. I wrangle my expression and I think I succeed in reprimanding her with my eyes, but I cannot tell. She picks up her oyster, looking as if she's about to jump off a cliff, adds the lemon juice and opens up. How I wish it were my hot salty juices running down her… Fuck. Control yourself. She licks her lips. Oh good lord. I want this woman here and now. If she keeps this up we'll never make it through the meal.

"Well?" I ask eagerly. I sound like a fucking puppy.

"I'll have another," she replies. She's giving nothing away. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. But I feel a sense of pride rise up through my chest.

"Good girl."

"Did you choose these deliberately? Aren't they known for their aphrodisiac qualities?"

"No, they are the first item on the menu. I don't need an aphrodisiac near you. I think you know that, and I think you react the same way near me." I state, trying to reign in my control, and build her anticipation. It works. Her breathing increases as her breasts rise and fall more heavily. Finally, I can gauge her reaction. "So where were we?"

"Obey me in all things. Yes, I want you to do that. I need you to do that. Think of it as role-play, Anastasia."

"But I'm worried you'll hurt me." I'm worried you'll hurt me, too, but not in the way you're thinking right now, surely.

"Hurt you how?"

"Physically." Yes, I'm worried about my emotions, Miss Steele. You've already got me wrapped around that pretty little finger of yours. Oh man…

"Do you really think I would do that? Go beyond any limit you can't take?" It comes back around to the question she did not answer before… Does she trust me?

"You said you've hurt someone before." Her face reads her apprehension as she traces her fingers along the seam of the tablecloth in front of her, avoiding my gaze.

"Yes, I have. It was a long time ago."

"How?"

"I suspended her from my playroom ceiling. In fact, that's one of your questions. Suspension- that's what the carabineers are for in the playroom. Rope play." I'd love to see you handle a rope like you did in Claytons again. "One of the ropes was tied too tightly." I stop at the palm of her hand rising in the air as she turns her head away from me slightly. I feel rejected and out of control. She's leaving. This is it. I'm much too fucked up for her.

"I don't need to know any more." Fuck. This is it. It really is. "So you won't suspend me then?" I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Not if you really don't want to. You can make that a hard limit."

"Okay."

"So obeying, do you think you can manage that?" I will her to say yes, to try this for me, for us.

Her gaze is trained on the tablecloth, until finally, after what feels like an eternity, she looks up and whispers, "I could try."

"Good." I feel the smile creep across my face. "Now term. One month instead of three is no time at all, especially if you want a weekend away from me each month. I don't think I'll be able to stay away from you for that length of time. I can barely manage it now…" I pause to let that statement sink in. Yes, I can't stay away. I know, it's a shock for me too. "How about one day over one weekend per month you get to yourself- but I get a midweek night that week?" Maybe I'm asking for too much? But Flynn's words come back to me, compromise.

"Okay."

"And please, let's try it for three months. If it's not for you, then you can walk away at any time."

"Three months?" She looks as if she's seen a ghost. Shit. She takes another large sip of her wine, which I'm learning is a means of stalling for her tonight and eats another oyster, then gazes at me impassively. Okay, I'll just continue on. I'm going to chance that her silence is agreement for now; she knows she can terminate at any time.

"The ownership thing, that's just terminology and goes back to the principle of obeying. It's to get you in the right frame of mind, to understand where I'm coming from. And I want you to know that as soon as you cross my threshold as my submissive, I will do what I like to you. You have to accept that and willingly. That's why you have to trust me. I will fuck you, any time, any way I want- anywhere I want. I will discipline you, because you will screw up. I will train you to please me. But I know you've not done this before. Initially, we'll take it slowly, and I will help you. We'll build up to various scenarios. I want you to trust me, but I know I have to earn your trust, and I will. The 'or otherwise'- again it's to help you get into the mindset; it means anything goes." She hasn't blinked since I began talking this time.

"Still with me?" I ask, urging her to again give me a hint about what she is feeling… nothing.

I see the waiter standing in the doorway, asking for permission to enter. I nod, and he proceeds to ask Ana and I if we'd like more wine. Before I can answer Ana states she has to drive. Drive? Why? She could stay here tonight. Why did I assume that was a done deal? Shit. She asks for sparkling water and the waiter takes his leave.

"You're very quiet," I state, hoping to urge her to comment on the conversation.

"You're very verbose."

Mmm, that smart mouth. Alright, I'll continue.

"Discipline. That's a very fine line between pleasure and pain, Anastasia. They are two sides of the same coin, one not existing without the other. I can show you pleasurable pain can be. You don't believe me now, but this is what I mean about trust. There will be pain, but nothing that you can't handle. Again, it comes down to trust. _Do you trust me, Ana?"_ Come on. Answer me!

_Yes, please. Put the puppy out of it's fucking misery and give him the goddamn treat already. Stop dangling it in front of his face. This is pathetic to watch, Grey. Get a hold of yourself._

"Yes, I do." She looks surprised by her answer, but I couldn't feel more relieved than I can recall from any memory, near or distant.

"Well, then, the rest is just details." I say, hoping we can enjoy the rest of our dinner and evening now that the biggest piece of the puzzle is in place. Trust.

"Important details," Ana fires back.

She needs more piece of mind. I'll give it to her.

"Okay, let's talk through those." The food arrives, black cod, asparagus, and crushed potatoes with hollandaise sauce; it smells delicious and gives pause to my thoughts. "The rules. Let's talk about them. The food is a deal breaker?"

"Yes." She states firmly.

"Can I modify to say that you will eat at least three meals a day?"

"No." She states just as firmly as the first, looking me square in the eyes. I can tell this will not be a compromise, so I opt to argue my concern for her well-being.

"I just need to know that you're not hungry."

A frown mars her face, "You'll have to trust me."

At first, I cannot believe she threw my words back at me, but then I remember this is a negotiation, a system of checks and balances. I've already gained a lot of ground here tonight. I can handle this.

"Touché, Miss Steele, I concede the food and the sleep."

"Why can't I look at you?"

"That's a Dom/Sub thing. You'll get used to it."

"Why can't I touch you?" Her questions are now coming at me in rapid succession.

"Because you can't." My voice has many qualities of my dominant stance, warning her that I should not be pushed further on the matter.

"Is it because of Mrs. Robinson?" She asks quietly.

I'm confused by her question. What would Elena have to do with not touching me? "Why would you think that?" I ask to clarify and suddenly I see the hint of pity in her eyes, "You think she traumatized me?"

She nods slowly.

"No, Anastasia. She's not the reason. Besides, Mrs. Robinson wouldn't take any of that shit from me." She saved me. I owe her everything.

I need to change this subject. I'm getting uncomfortable and Christian Grey does not do uncomfortable well.

"So nothing to do with her?"

"No." Changing the subject now. "And I don't want you touching yourself, either."

_Good job, Grey. Throw her for a loop. Disorient her. Classic move._

She looks confused momentarily then responds, "Out of curiosity… why?"

"Because I want all your pleasure."

Her breasts begin to rise and fall more heavily again.

"I've given you a great deal to think about, haven't I?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to go through soft limits now, too?"

"Not over dinner." Her nose scrunches up and her brows furrow as she answers.

I smile at the face she makes, "Squeamish?"

"Something like that."

"You've not eaten very much."

"I've had enough." My palm twitches on my lap. Hold on here, I have no control over her eating. I've just conceded that. How do I handle this?

"Three oysters, four bites of cod, and one asparagus stalk, no potatoes, no nuts, no olives, and you've not eaten all day. You said I could trust you."

Her eyes go wide before she responds, "Christian, please, it's not every day I sit through conversations like this." Me neither. I can usually read my partners like a book. You're an enigma.

"I need you fit and healthy, Anastasia."

"I know."

"And right now, I want to peel you out of that dress." My voice is low and husky. I feel the tablecloth tighten slightly and move toward her. Ahh, yes. Would you like to revisit my suite Miss Steele?

"I don't think that's a good idea… we haven't had desert." She says quietly.

"You want desert?" I reply, trying to hold my laughter again. You could be my desert, Ana. I love the way your sweetness tastes.

"Yes."

"You could be desert."

"I'm not sure I'm sweet enough." I hate when she doubts herself. She's incredibly sexy.

"Anastasia, you're deliciously sweet. I know." I say, trying to convince her, sway her with my sexpertise.

"Christian. You use sex as a weapon. It really isn't fair." She whispers, first her eyes are locked on her knocking hands but suddenly she lifts her eyes to mine, her blue burning into my grey and for a moment I'm frozen in her gaze, stunned into silence.

"You're right. I do. In life you use what you know, Anastasia. Doesn't change how much I want you. Here. Now."

Her breathing has increased again and that blush has crept across her skin. I feel her feet slide past mine under the table as she shifts trying to find some friction against the apex of her thighs. My pants tighten again at the thought. I need her. Here. Now.

"I'd like to try something," I manage to squeeze out, not quite recognizing the voice as my own.

"If you were my sub, you wouldn't have to think about this. It would be easy. All those decisions- all the wearying thought processes behind them, the 'is this the right thing to do? Should this happen here? Can it happen now?' You wouldn't have to worry about any of that detail. That's what I'd do as your Dom. And right now, I know you want me, Anastasia." I see her frown in thought. "I can tell because your body gives you away. You're pressing your thighs together, you're flushed, and your breathing has changed."

"How do you know about my thighs?"

"I felt the tablecloth move, and it's a calculated guess based on years of experience. I'm right, aren't I?" Of course I'm right. This is what I do.

She keeps her eyes trained on her knotting fingers.

"I haven't finished my cod." This surprises me.

"You'd prefer cold cod to me?" I try to keep the disappointment out of my voice, but I'm not sure I succeed.

Her head lifts swiftly and her eyes meet mine. "I thought you liked me to clear my plate." She states.

"Right now, Miss Steele, I couldn't give a fuck about your food."

"Christian. You just don't fight fair."

"I know. I never have."

I see a flash of defeat in her eyes covered quickly by something I've never seen from her before. Seduction? This could be interesting. She squares her shoulders slightly like in the interview. I'm coming to notice this as a tell for when she's trying to present as more confident than she feels. She picks up a piece of asparagus with her fingers, twirls it in the hollandaise sauce, sinks her teeth into her lower lip, then slowly sucks on the end of the stalk. Fuck me. She's good at this. I remember how that mouth felt on my cock and have everything I can do to remain impassive. I know this game well.

"Anastasia, what are you doing?"

She bites off the end seductively and my eyes remain trained on that glorious mouth of hers.

"Eating my asparagus," she replies innocently, batting her big blue eyes at me.

I can't help it. I move in my seat and shift my shaft so it's no longer pitching a full tent under the table.

"I think you're toying with me, Miss Steele." I squeeze out.

"I'm just finishing my cod, Mr. Grey."

The waiter comes in to clear the plates and I feel the electricity that had just filled the air dissipate. I look up to see Ana's mask coming back down, her face impassive once more.

"Would you like some dessert?" I ask, in hopes that she'll stay for dessert in my suite.

"No thank you. I think I should go."

She's staring at her hands.

"Go?" I ask, bewildered. I'm not sure what I thought might happen right now, but I didn't imagine she'd be leaving this early.

The waiter makes a hasty retreat and Ana stands suddenly, "Yes, we both have the graduation ceremony tomorrow." I stand with her, almost knocking my chair out form under me in my haste.

"I don't want you to go." I say, scrambling for something to hold onto. I want her in my arms. I want her in my bed. I want to be inside her. I want her so badly.

"Please… I have to." She begs.

"Why?"

"Because you've given me so much to consider… and I need some distance."

If I had a heart, it surely would have stopped beating at those words. Not for the first time tonight, my breath catches in my chest and I'm certain I've lost her before I've even really had her.

"I could make you stay," I add, hoping this might sway her.

"Yes, you could easily, but I don't want you to."

I run my fingers though my copper locks and regard her intently. This creature before me is a total contradiction to the brown haired beauty that fell into my office. How in the hell are they the same woman?

"You know, when you fell into my office to interview me, you were all 'yes, sir,' 'no, sir.' I thought you were a natural-born submissive. But quite frankly, Anastasia, I'm not sure you have a submissive hone that your delectable body." I move slowly toward her, cautiously but confidently.

"You may be right," she replies, her voice measures fractionally above a whisper.

"I want the chance to explore the possibility that you do." I trace her face with the back of my hand and she closes her eyes and leans into my touch. I trace my fingers down to her lips and follow the line of the lower, delighting in the transfer electricity yet again. "I don't know any other way, Anastasia. This is who I am." I'm feeling the visceral need to lay everything out on the table right now. This is it.

"I know."

I lean in to kiss her but search her eyes for permission first; I need to know she wants this… that she wants me. She tilts her face toward mine and our lips meet. She deepens the kiss and momentarily I'm caught off guard. Her hands find their way to my hair and she grasps it tightly, pulling my body toward hers, pouring herself into this moment. I respond by securing her body to mind behind her neck and at the small of her back, pushing her body into mine in all the right places.

"I can't persuade you to stay?" I ask, again hearing the desperation in my voice, and hoping fervently that she does not recognize it.

"No."

"Spend the night with me." Please.

"And not touch you? No."

I sigh heavily. Fuck. This is it.

"You impossible girl." I pull back to look at her, those blue eyes, her pale skin, that pink gloss covered mouth, her beautiful mahogany hair, I'm feeling the compulsive need to memorize every inch of her face before we part. "Why do I think you're telling me good-bye?" I think back to the morning after our coffee outing, this feels eerily similar.

"Because I'm leaving now."

"That's not what I mean, and you know it."

"Christian, I have to think about this. I don't know if I can have the kind of relationship you want."

I close my eyes and press my forehead into hers, we both take the opportunity to slow our breathing and regulate our erratic pulses. I lean in and plant a kiss on her forehead, pouring every ounce of affection and desire I have into this point of contact. I inhale the delightful smell of her shampoo once more and regretfully step back; bringing my mask down, I release her.

"As you wish, Miss Steele. I'll escort you to the lobby." I hold my hand out to her and we walk together silently across the lobby. I'm trying to rid my mind of any painful thoughts regarding the real possibility that this could be goodbye for us, but I'm failing miserably.

"Do you have your valet ticket?" I ask, trying to distract myself, but also trying to be a gentleman for once. She digs out the ticket and hands it to me, which I hand off to the doorman.

I'll have to ask her for an answer soon. I can't take the not knowing anymore. I need to know if there's a chance for this or not. Tomorrow I'll ask her for an answer by the end of the week. I need to know.

"Thank you for dinner," I hear her say quietly.

"It's a pleasure as always, Miss Steele," I reply, but the conviction isn't supporting my words right now. I'm too preoccupied with the unknowns in this equation.

Suddenly, I remember something that may work out to my advantage and I turn to face her.

"You're moving this weekend to Seattle. If you make the right decision, can I see you on Sunday?" I'm tentative to ask, but I hope I can see her.

"We'll see. Maybe." She smiles as she speaks the words and I allow myself to enjoy the feel of relief momentarily flood my system before it's interrupted by a surge of frustration.

"It's cooler now, don't you have a jacket?"

"No."

I shake my head and shrug off my jacket. She's looking back at me with a mix of awe and irritation. I pull it around her shoulders and am transported back to putting her jacket over her shoulders in the interview, when I chanced a brief touch of my fingertips to the base of her neck and felt her shiver. That electricity is still buzzing between us, our connection stronger now that we've been more intimate, and I don't want this to end. She wraps my jacket closer around her and smiles slightly. I feel a twinge of pride knowing she's comfortable in this moment.

Then her car pulls up.

What the fuck kind of contraption is this? Surely this cannot be road worthy? It can't be safe.

"That's what you drive?" I ask, not even attempting to hide my disdain for this piece of shit car. I give the valet his tip and help Ana into the driver's seat; I'm really not okay with this. This car looks like a death trap. "Is it road worthy?" I need to know.

"Yes."

"Will it make it to Seattle?"

"Yes. She will." She snaps back.

"Safely?" I'm not trying to be rude; I'm just not convinced.

"Yes," she snaps again. "Okay, she's old. But she's mine, and she's roadworthy. My stepdad bought it for me."

"Oh, Anastasia, I think we can do better than this."

It will be a graduation gift regardless of her agreement to be my submissive. If nothing else, I will keep her safe in that way.

"What do you mean?" She asks then her jaw tightens, "You are _not_ buying me a car."

I will keep you safe.

"We'll see." I reply, in a clipped tone. I help her into the car and feel a sudden choking feeling. I feel suffocated and I don't want her to go, but I know I can't stop her.

"Drive safely," I say quietly, trying to catch my breath.

"Goodbye, Christian."

My throat tightens as she drives away. What the fuck is happening to me? I stand in the valet driveway, staring in the direction of her now far-gone taillights, for what feels like an eternity before the valet clears his throat by the door and I proceed inside.

I head right to my computer and open my email. I type several drafts which all seem like I'm groveling, which I am but clearly I can't be too obviously about it, before settling on the version I send.

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Tonight

**Date: **May 25 2011 22:01

**To: **Anastasia Steele

I don't understand why you ran this evening. I sincerely hope I answered all your questions to your satisfaction. I know I have given you a great deal to contemplate, and I fervently hope that you will give my proposal your serious consideration. I really want to make this work. We will take it slow.

Trust me.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

I shower and get into more comfortable clothes. I am restless and anxious when I check my email and my phone to find nothing further from Ana. Surely she should be home by now. I call her. No response.

I decide to send her a quick text, twenty minute later after radio silence maintains… _Are you home safe?_

Still nothing.

A half hour later, I send another text… _Call me._

Please, Ana. Maybe I should call her apartment? No, if she wants to talk to me, she will. I'm sure she's gotten home safe. She said she needed space. Still my mind races with possibilities.

After nearly two hours, much pacing, and my speech for tomorrow being finished, I send her one more email.

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Tonight

**Date: **May 25 2011 23:58

**To: **Anastasia Steele

I hope you made it home in that car of yours.

Let me know if you're okay.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

I turn off my laptop and head to bed, completing the ritual of the past few nights by gripping her pillow tightly to my chest, wishing fervently I could give her the normal relationship she so greatly deserves.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed it! Please review and let me know your thoughts! Next Chapter- Graduation!


	23. Chapter 23

AN: Hey guys! First, THANK YOU for each and every review and PM. I haven't been on top of replying like I'd like to but from here on out I'm going to be better at it again! BUT PLEASE know that I read them all and take everything you guys say into account! We aim to please here at FSOG FF after all ;).

Second, I've been getting a lot of feedback that people aren't happy with how it's following the originals (plot and conversation wise) but it's in the summary that it will be. My plan is to follow through the trilogy and give it to you in Christian's POV. There will be additional scenes, like CG picking up Mia, flashbacks to Elena, meetings with Flynn, flashbacks to when he was a kid, and all of that good stuff so it won't be the same story all around- but I understand if it's not something you're interested in anymore. And I appreciate those of you who continue to stick around! :)

Third, facebook and twitter me - Brilee Fanfiction on Facebook and Brilee7796 on twitter. I post inspirations and updates for times like these when my life gets so crazy busy and my muse deserts me so you're in the loop about when the next post will be up!

Fourth, if you haven't already- check out Binding Ties :) It's still in it's infancy stages but I'm really enjoying working on this story! (And no, it's not a lesbian story for the guest reviewer who was concerned about that).

Lastly, if you haven't read any of smile rose's one shots (or my favorite FF- her full story Hanging at the Catch), you really should. Especially, a surprise engagement party - amazing.

Okay enough out of me. ENJOY. The spanking shall commence next update. I've already started working on it ;) Peace, love, and smut! Leave a review to let me know what you think!

* * *

I place the finishing touches on my speech, practicing it aloud yet again before Taylor knocks on the door to take me to Ana's graduation. I still have no idea why I agreed to do this damn ceremony in the first place but I've been assured time and time again that it will be wonderful for public relations in regards to gaining more funding for the farming division. I listen to the chancellor drivel on about how wonderful it is to have someone of such status as a benefactor to this institution and his mindless attempts to ascertain if my funding will continue in the fall. I assure him that my backing of the program will not be pulled at any time in the foreseeable future and prepare myself to face the sea of caps and gowns to find those brilliant blue eyes that will surely tear me apart at the seams this morning.

Taking my seat on stage I find her. That blush creeps across her alabaster skin and she appears to be attempting to disappear into her seat. Silly girl. There's no escaping me. I will find you beautiful.

Wait, no. What am I saying? She left me last night. She didn't respond to my calls, texts, or emails. She has clearly made her choice. I rearrange my face as impassive as possible and return my attention to the speech before me. I cannot allow my eyes to drift toward her again. Since when did I become a puddle of mush in the presence of a woman? I've been able to think of little else but the whirl of chestnut that fell into my office that day since it happened. I am the all-powerful Christian Grey for Christ's sake. I do not do puddles. I control. I control everything around me. So why is it that I cannot control my thoughts or my emotions when this woman is involved in the equation? Whatever the reason, I will demand her answer. If it happens to be a no, at least I can find solace in knowing she will no longer be driving in that death trap of a car but will be safe in a stunning radiant red hatchback Audi.

I listen, actually genuinely interested, in Katherine's speech to her peers. "What's Next After College?"… not a very original theme for a student speech, but I'll give her credit to holding her audience and employing her tenacity in a productive manner. She makes many jokes that have the crowd applauding and laughing along with her, if she didn't annoy me so terribly, I might think she were enjoyable company from her presentation on this stage. Alas, I know better than that. She's a pain in my ass. But without her, I wouldn't have met Ana…

I'm brought back to the present by the deafening applause following Kavanagh's speech and the chancellor getting up again to introduce me. Here we go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I built my company from the ground at a young age, blah blah blah. Can you shut the hell up so I can talk and get this shit over with please?

"I'm profoundly grateful and touched by the great complement accorded to me by the authorities of WSU today. It offers me a rare opportunity to talk about the impressive work of the environmental science department here at the university. Our aim is to develop viable and ecologically sustainable methods of farming for third world countries; our ultimate goal is to help eradicate hunger and poverty across the globe. Over a billion people, mainly in sub-Suharan Africa, South Asia, and Latin America, live in abject poverty. Agricultural dysfunction is rife within these parts of the world, and the result is ecological and social destruction. I have known what it's like to be profoundly hungry. This is a very personal journey for me and I am overwhelmed with gratitude at the opportunity to collaborate with this institution and the young minds of our next generation to find solutions to these very real problems. A benefit of becoming a success in the business world is taking solace in the thought that I, nor my loved ones, may never again have to know the suffering of poverty or hunger; however, that knowledge only brings me so much comfort. I could not sleep soundly at night if I did not do everything in my power to help others achieve a status quo meal each day.

My purpose here today is not to tell you each my story nor to tell you about the plans we have to feed the world. My purpose is to issue each of you a challenge. Your plans for a future are varied, your gifts even more diverse. You are writers, musicians, historians, engineers, architects, biologists, environmentalists, sustainable entrepreneurs, journalists, actors, chemists, accountants, lawyers, doctors, and even more you are the future of our nation. Together, each of you will contribute to our great nation. Our nation has the ability to prosper and to lend a helping hand to other countries that are much less fortunate. I challenge each of you to use those gifts, use your knowledge, and better the world. I challenge you to be inspired, each and every day, by the world around you. I challenge you to take your own personal stories and use them as ammunition to throttle you forward in this task. I challenge you to succeed. I challenge you to prosper. I challenge you to invest in our world, as your families, professors, and university have just spent years investing in you. Congratulations to WSU's class of 2011! I wait with baited breath to see who among you will take to this challenge first."

The crowd erupts into applause and I feel a surge of pride. I've still got it. It seems the little Miss Steele hasn't taken over my ability to dominate a room, even if I fail to dominate her at every turn. I turn to take my place as the vice chancellor, Roy Albertson, rises to begin calling the names of each student who's hand I will shake to hand them their degree. I manage to compliment Kavanagh on her speech before zoning out again until Roy reads the name Manuel Sanchez. Alright, we're into 's' now. Do I just shake her hand? Do I give her a little hell for not letting me know she made it home safely? Erica Sryll. Will that delicious and god forsaken current still remain between our fingers? Anastasia Steele. My nonexistent heart skips a beat in my chest at the sound of her name. A slight smile gracing my lips as she walks toward me.

"Congratulations, Miss Steele," I say as I gently squeeze her hand in an effort to eliminate the jolt humming between the flesh of our hands. "Do you have a problem with your laptop?"

Her face falls as she takes her degree from my grasp. "No."

Shit. I was hoping there'd be another explanation.

"So you are ignoring my emails then?"

"I only saw the mergers and acquisitions one."

What mergers and acquisitions email? Did I send her a work email by mistake? No. I couldn't have.

"Later." I'll get to the bottom of it after I've finished with this fucking process. Remind me to fire Adam from PR for making me do this shit later too. I avoid her eyes at all costs throughout the remainder of the ceremony. I will not back down. I will not be treated like I do not matter. I am Christian Fucking Grey, as much as I want Ana to be in my life, I do not ever want to compromise my integrity. I will not beg. My subconscious laughs at me knowing full well that I would be a mess if she were to decide to walk away cold turkey now after I've had a taste.

Once off the stage I set out on Kavanagh.

"Katherine, again, your speech was wonderful. May I ask you to go get Ana for me please? I need to speak with her."

"Grey. Thank you again. Why don't you go get her? The ceremony is over."

I roll my eyes and decide to ask her again explaining this time that I needed to speak with her privately and if I venture out into the wolf den there would be no privacy to be had. With that she turns on her heel and goes in search of Ana.

During the time she is gone I'm roped into a detailed conversation about the environmental project with Greg, the chancellor, and two other men asking about the regulations of the project. When I see Kate and Ana approach I excuse myself from the company of the men and grab Ana's elbow to direct her into the locker rooms behind us. I double check to see there are no scum paparazzi hiding out in here before locking the door behind us. Ana's face pales a bit as I turn around to face her again. That's right baby.

"Why haven't you emailed me? Or texted me back?" I can feel the anger surge through me like fire. _Come on Christian; hear her out before you go thermonuclear on her. _

"I haven't looked at my computer today," she quickly adds, "or my phone." I breathe a silent sigh of relief. So not intentionally ignoring me, just by way of not checking. I feel fractionally better, but only just.

"That was a great speech," she says.

"Thank you." But before the words are fully out she mumbles that it explains my food issues to her. I push my hands through my hair while she stands in front of me looking down at her feet.

"Anastasia, I don't want to go there at the moment. I've been worried about you." I close my eyes in an attempt to reign in the very tentative grip on my control.

"Worried, why?"

"Because you went home in that deathtrap you call a car." I spit before the words process through my brain to mouth filter. That was possibly a bit harsh at the moment…

"What?" Yup. Too harsh. Her faced falls again and her voice is softer now, "It's not a deathtrap. It's fine. Jose regularly services it for me."

I was feeling ashamed for snapping at her until the mention of his name. Now all I see is red. "Jose, the photographer?" Clearly it is a deathtrap now. He's a photographer. What does he know about cars?

"Yes, the Beetle used to belong to his mother."

"Yes, and probably her mother and her's before her. It's not safe." Why can't she see that I just need her safe?

I take a deep breath and count to ten. I can't take this anymore. The not knowing is literally driving me insane. I'm shorter tempered than usual and I haven't been able to dedicate the kind of attention to my work because my mind is forever flitting back to Ana. Ana. Ana. Ana.

"Anastasia, I need an answer from you. This waiting around is driving me crazy."

She turns her attention to her shuffling feet again, "Christian… I… look, I left my step-dad out there on his own."

"Tomorrow. I want an answer by tomorrow then."

"Okay. Tomorrow, I'll tell you then."

I take a step back to take in the sight of her, knowing that come tomorrow I'll finally have an answer my shoulders relax slightly.

"Are you staying for drinks?" I ask.

"I don't know what Ray wants to do."

"Your step-father? I'd like to meet him."

"I… I'm not sure that's a good idea."

I turn and unlock the door. I feel my stomach fall to somewhere near my feet. "Are you ashamed of me?"

"No!" She almost yells at me. Why wouldn't she want me to meet him them? "Introduce you to my dad as what? 'This is the man who deflowered me and wants us to start a BDSM relationship'? You're not wearing running shoes."

I try my best to keep a poker face by my grin at her words wins. "Just so you know, I can run quite fast. Just tell him I'm your friend, Anastasia." I say as I open the door for Ana to scurry out. The way she exited the room reminded me of the crabs Mia, Elliot, and I used to chase as children on the beach. I shake my head behind her and turn my attention to the university staff standing nearby. I thank each of them for having me before heading into the crowd with Kate in search of the astonishing Anastasia mind-fuck Steele.

Kate squeals beside me as my eyes fall on Ana in the arms of some tan blonde haired goon. My blood boils for the third time that morning. I watch Kate greet Ray and kiss both of his cheeks before she says, "Have you met Ana's boyfriend? Christian Grey."

I watch as Ana's face pales significantly yet again as I try to hide my excitement at Kate's introduction. "Mr. Steele, it's a pleasure to meet you," I say as I shake his hand. A nice sturdy handshake, I value that in a man. He's tall, broad, and appraising me silently. He reminds me a lot of Taylor in that way, silent but you can feel his strength rippling off of him. I'd definitely peg him with a military history if I didn't already know so from his background check. Kate pulls me from my thoughts as she introduces me to the goon who has his paws all over my Ana.

_She's not yours yet Grey._

Shut it. Who asked you?

"Mr. Kavanagh." I reply with an ice-cold tone. I shake the fuckers hand, another firm handshake, damn it, before finding some warmth and extending my hand toward Ana. "Ana, baby." This feels so right, to have her by my side.

The Kavanagh children go in search of the rest of their family tree when Ray clears his throat and asks how long we've known each other. I wrap my arm around Ana's shoulder, appreciative of the low cut back of her black dress before answering.

"A couple of weeks or so now. We met when Anastasia came to interview me for the student newspaper."

"Didn't know you worked on the student newspaper, Ana." His voice is quiet but even I can tell he is frustrated with being out of the information circuit.

"Kate was ill," she manages to say quietly, staring again down at her feet shuffling side to side. I hope she agrees to sub for me so I might help her control those nerves of hers.

Ray taking pity on Ana turns his attention to me, "Fine speech you have, Mr. Grey."

"Thank you, sir. I understand that you're a keen fisherman."

Jackpot. I am rewarded with a tooth-bearing grin and he's on board for fish talk. We talk about his upcoming fishing trip and his past catches. I tell him about the new lure I'm excited to use the next time I head out with Elliot. I have no idea how long it will be before we'll get out there, but I'm excited all the same. Ana excuses herself in search of Katherine and I take the opportunity to assess about that deathtrap with Ray.

"Sir, I have an idea for Ana's graduation gift that I wanted to run by you first."

"Go on."

"I saw her car for the first time last night and truthfully worried about it's safety making the trip to Seattle this weekend. Would you be on board if I bought her a safe and reliable car for graduation?"

"I bought that car for her, you know?" He says, looking adoringly through the crowd at Ana. "She's come a long way these last few years. I think Kate and Jose have been good for her. She's not such a loner anymore…" He drifts off as if recalling a younger brown haired blue-eyed beauty before rejoining me in the present. "Do me a favor, you can buy her the car, but promise me you'll take care of her. She's been hurt in the past and I can't stand to see my baby girl in any pain." As he's speaking my mind drifts to Ana's seemingly nonexistent relationship with her mother and the years she did not speak of that led to her moving back in with Ray during high school. I wonder if whatever made Ana move is what Ray is referring to now. I'll have to have Welch look further into it.

I haven't taken my eyes off Ana and reply with a simple nod. "You have my word, sir. She is a beautiful woman, inside and out. I intend to do just that." Albeit not in the way you're thinking, and you'd probably have my balls if you knew just what I want to do with her, but taking care of her is all part of the plan. I see Ana returning and can't help the smile that's split my face in two at our conversation. Now she'll have to accept the car.

"Hi."

"Ana, where are the bathrooms?" Ray asks as he excuses himself telling us to 'enjoy ourselves'. I'd like very much to enjoy Ana here, but I'm not sure you'd approve. I smirk to myself and wrap my arm around her shoulders again. We pose for a picture, and then the photographer takes his leave. I can't believe I just posed for a picture with a woman. _Another first. What is she doing to me?_

"So you've managed to charm my father as well?"

"As well?" I ask, genuinely surprised. She blushes and I lift her chin to meet her eyes. I need to know what's going on in that mystery of a mind. "Oh, I wish I knew what you were thinking, Anastasia."

I watch as her breath catches in her throat. At least I know I can still affect her in that way. "Right now, I'm thinking, _Nice tie._"

Now it's my turn to catch my breath. I feel a small laugh bubble up, "it's recently become my favorite." I pause to watch that rose hue appear on her skin and decide to play a little bit more while I still can. I brush my fingertips in small circles on her back. "You look lovely, Anastasia. This halter-neck dress suits you, and I get to stroke your back, feel your beautiful skin." It feels as if everyone around us has completely disappeared. It is only us and the spark that exists in the space between our bodies. I lean in to inhale her scent and whisper in her ear, "You know it's going to be good, don't you, baby?" I close my eyes, indulging in being this close to her for a moment longer.

"But I want more," she whispers quietly.

"More?" I pull back to meet her eyes. She swallows and nods slowly. Her blue eyes meeting my grey overflowing with honesty, hope, and anxiety.

"More…" I can do more. Can't I? I don't know anything else, but I could try… for her. For me. For us.

"You want hearts and flowers."

She nods slowly again.

"Anastasia, it's not something I know."

"Me either."

"You don't know much." I smile before her words sting it off my face.

"You know all the wrong things."

"Wrong? Not to me." I shake my head to rid the sting of her words before continuing, "Try it."

I stand back and smile at her, my plea for her to agree, to try. I'll try if she will. We can navigate this new path together. Somehow.

"Okay," she whispers.

"What?" I ask. I need to hear her words again.

"Okay. I'll try."

Again. I need clarification. My ears cannot be deceiving me. I need proof. This is too good to be fucking true. How could this angel of a woman be agreeing to sub for Lucifer himself?

"You're agreeing?"

"Subject to the soft limits, yes. I'll try."

I wrap my arms around her and pull her close. I'm certain she can feel my heart beating furiously out of my chest but in this moment I don't much care about anything but the woman in my arms. She said yes!

"Jesus, Ana, you're so unexpected. You take my breath away."

I hear Ray clear his throat behind me and step back, remembering suddenly that we are in fact in a large crowded place. But she agreed. I am on cloud nine. Cloud fucking nine. Who would have thought that I of all people could be this happy at any moment? Certainly not me.

Ray and Ana head off for lunch and I go back to the Heathman to finish up some business before leaving for Seattle.

"Look after my baby girl."

"Oh, I fully intend to."

The remainder of my day speeds past in a blur. For once, I'm completely productive in my meetings and have managed to secure a failing company in a deal I've been hammering out for weeks. This day gets better and better. I decide to email Ana about this afternoon.

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Soft Limits

**Date: **May 26 2011 17:22

**To: **Anastasia Steele

What can I say that I haven't already?

Happy to talk these through anytime.

You looked beautiful today.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

I call Mia to arrange our plans for my picking her up tomorrow and after two Advil and a conversation with the phone held at arms length, we are set. I love her, but Christ that woman can squeal. Then I call the car dealer to assure that Ana's car will be ready for delivery this evening.

My email alerts me to a response from Ana.

* * *

**From: **Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Soft Limits

**Date: **May 26 2011 19:23

**To: **Christian Grey

I can come over this evening to discuss if you'd like.

Ana

* * *

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Soft Limits

**Date: **May 26 2011 19:27

**To: **Anastasia Steele

I'll come to you. I meant it when I said I wasn't happy about you driving that car. I'll be with you shortly.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

I grab my keys, coat, and the Bollinger Grande Annee Rose 1999 before heading out the door for our first night as Dominant and Submissive. The smile on my face is sure to crack my skull in two. I laugh to myself in the car as I recall Grace always yelling at Elliot and I as kids for making funny faces at one another saying our faces would stick like that if we weren't careful. I wonder if this smile could do the same?


	24. Chapter 24

AN: Wow, it's been too long. I'm sorry about the hold up! You know how it is, life gets in the way. Lame. I had originally written this chapter with the lemons and spankings in it, but I deleted all of that today because it just didn't feel right. So next update, it'll be there!

As for Binding Ties - if you're not reading it, you should. It's now a Christian and Ana story. Go on, you know you're curious. ;)

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU To each and every one of my readers, reviewers, pm'er's, and facebook friends. You guys make this whole process completely worth while. I don't think I could ever express that to you! I suck all of a sudden at responding to reviews, I don't know what happened... but I read each and every one. Thank you so much for your feedback!

Alright, enough out of me. Laters, babies. ;)

* * *

"Taylor."

"Yes, Sir?"

"I'm en route to Miss Steele's apartment. I'm going to need you to bring her car there from the dealership then you may take the Audi back to the hotel until I am ready to return."

"Yes, Sir. When should I plan on arriving at Miss Steele's residence?"

"Half hour should work."

"Very good, Sir."

With those words we disconnect and I turn up the radio. I'm taken aback when Prince's voice begins streaming through the speakers. Who knew they still play this shit? Nevertheless, I allow the song to inspire my good mood even further. She said yes, and tonight, we will begin. I feel a flutter of butterflies in my stomach at the thought of more with her. Yes, I think for her, I will try to find a hearts and flowers approach somehow. It would have to be separate I'm sure, but I will try. I sit back and take in the message of the song, my cheeks aching from the smile glued there.

_How can I put this in a way so as not to offend or unnerve. There's a rumor goin' all round that you ain't been gettin' served. They say that you ain't got you know what in baby who knows how long. It's hard for me to say what's right when all I wanna do is wrong._

I walk to the door with the chords still rattling around my brain. _Get off… Oh, I do intend to do just that this evening. _She answers the door still in her dress from the ceremony, her cheeks are flushed and her smile is shy. Her blue eyes brighten with a hint of lust when they rake down up and down my physique. Yes, baby, take me in.

"Come in." Her voice is small and unsure.

"If I may," I say trying to lighten the mood and ease her tension. I hold up the bottle of champagne and "I thought we'd celebrate your graduation. Nothing beats a god Bollinger."

"Interesting choice of words," she responds deadpan.

Look at those teeth, Miss Steele. You better watch when those come out now. I'm going to love training that smart mouth of yours.

I feel a smile grace my lips, "Oh, I like your ready wit, Anastasia."

"We only have teacups. We've packed all the glasses."

For the first time I actually look around her apartment that is covered in piles of boxes with permanent marker scribbled on the sides labeling kitchen, living room, Kate's room, Ana's, etc. I feel a frisson of warmth rush my chest knowing she'll soon be so much closer to me in Seattle. "Teacups? Sounds good to me."

I watch her maneuver through the box maze into the kitchen calling back asking if we need saucers as well. "Teacups will be fine." I may be proper, but that's just excessive. I wander about looking at the boxes when I find a small package wrapped in brown paper bag, Ana's handwriting scrawled on the top reading _I agree to the conditions, Angel; because you know best what my punishment ought to be; only- only- don't make it more than I can bear!_ All previous warmth is displaced by a glacial freeze. I am angry, definitely disappointed, and what I can only identify as a little hurt. I put a lot of thought into this gift for her, why are they rewrapped and why did she put this quote on the front?

_You're really asking this Grey? For a smart guy, you're dumb as shit._

"That's for you," Ana says softly as she focuses on placing the teacups onto the table behind me.

"I figured as much. Very apt quote." My finger traces over the raised edges of the ink, trying to search for the hidden meanings under the words. "I thought I was d'Urberville, not Angel. You decided on the debasement. Trust you to find something that resonates so appropriately." I force a small smile trying to disguise the pit forming in the bottom of my stomach.

"It's also a plea."

"A plea? For me to go easy on you?"

She answers with a simple nod of her head.

"I bought these for you. I'll go easier on you if you accept them."

I watch her swallow the words as I say them. "Christian, I can't accept them, they're just too much."

I breathe deeply to maintain the delicate hold I have on my frustrations. "You see this is what I was talking about, you defying me. I want you to have them, and that's the end of the discussion. It's very simple. You don't have to think about this. As a submissive you would just be grateful for them. You just accept what I buy you because it pleases me to do so."

"I wasn't a submissive when you bought them for me."

"No…" I have to tread very lightly; if she's pulling this over books she's going to flip shit over the car, "But you've agreed, Anastasia."

She sighs deeply, her delicate pale chest teasing me beneath her halter dress with the accompanying movement.

"So they are mine to do with as I wish?"

What is she playing at? "Yes."

"In that case, I'd like to give them to a charity, one working in Darfur since that seems to be close to your heart. They can auction them."

My hold is slipping on that tattered rope of frustration, I'm only holding a single thread that is sure to dislodge at any moment, sending me plummeting into the darkness of anger below. Why must she defy me? Why can't she just do this because it would please me for her to do so? I want to lavish money on her. I work hard for my money and want to spend it as I see fit. I want her to have the best of everything and never have to want for more, besides maybe in our relationship because lord knows that will take practice from me.

"If that's what you want to do." I can't hide my disappointment and I know she can feel it radiating off me.

Her blue eyes searching mine to see how deep the disappointment and anger are rooted before relenting, "I'll think about it."

That's the opposite of what I want tonight. Tonight I want you to feel, smell, taste, hear, and experience. I don't want you to have to think about anything. I want to worship you tonight. How can I convey this?

_Kiss every inch of her then take her slowly, feeling each delectable shudder and spasm of pleasure as it ripples through her body… that's how Christian. Cherish her._

"Don't think, Anastasia. Not about this." I decide to leave my inner musings to the wayside for now; I can show her that with my actions later if she behaves. I can see her beginning to retreat into the depths of her mind as I place the Bollinger on her wooden coffee table. I reach out and lift her chin so I can meet her gaze.

"I will buy you lots of things, Anastasia. Get used to it. I can afford it. I'm a very wealthy man." As well as a very arrogant ass. I lean in and close the distance between our lips if for nothing else other than to bring myself some comfort. "Please." I plead with her. This is part of the only way I know to show you that I care about you. Flynn says I have such a short yard stick to measure a relationship by and I am going to need to be willing to maintain some growing pains with you for a 'I'll take you however I can get you' relationship, but Ana you'll need to be patient with me and you'll need to be understanding.

Ana's voice pulls me from my thoughts and my heart sinks at her words, "It makes me feel cheap."

I sigh and run my hand through my hair as I search for the words to respond. "It shouldn't. You're over thinking it, Anastasia. Don't place some vague moral judgment on yourself based on what others might think. Don't waste your energy. It's only because you have reservations about our arrangement; that's perfectly natural. You don't know what you're getting yourself into." Quite frankly, it's become increasingly clear that neither do I… but I can't let her know that. I can see the wheels turning in her mind, her brow furrowing into a small v, her mouth gathering to one side, and her teeth sinking into her bottom lip.

"Hey, stop this." I say as I free her lip from their cage. "There is nothing about you that is cheap, Ana. I won't have you thinking that. I just bought you some old books that I thought might mean something to you, that's all. Have some champagne." I try to show her how sincerely I mean those words and am rewarded with a smile shy smile. "That's better." I open the bottle and pour us each half a teacup of the pink Bollinger Grande Annee Rose 1999 vintage. She giggles when I tell her the full details of the drink and quickly points out that we are drinking this 'excellent vintage' out of teacups.

I can't help my answering smirk, "In teacups. Congratulations on your degree, Anastasia." We cheers and I try to feel out when I should tell her about her gift. Taylor should be outside by now.

"Thank you. Shall we go through the soft limits?"

I want to laugh to her transition. "Always so eager." Nope, we're not going there yet. I take her hand in mind and bring her to sit next to me on the couch. I chance a glance outside before sitting; he's not here yet. I need to stall for a bit. If we begin discussing limits now, I'll take her to bed and we'll never get to that.

"Your stepfather is a very taciturn man." I say, trying to distract her for a little while.

"You managed to get him eating out of your hand." Her pouting is by far one of the sweetest things I have ever seen. I want to plant a chaste kiss on her lips to make them stop. I want to cover that sadness or disappointment or upset with a reminder of our electric connection, even if only for a moment. I laugh quietly, half at my thoughts and half at her words.

"Only because I know how to fish." …And because I want to take care of his baby girl.

"How did you know he liked fishing?"

"You told me when we went for coffee."

"Oh. Did I?" She pauses and relishes the first sip of her champagne. Yes, it's good, huh baby? "Did you try to wine at the reception?"

My mouth wants to pucker at the thought of that putrid wine, "It was foul."

"I thought of you when I tasted it. How did you get to be so knowledgeable about wine?"

The same way I got to be so _knowledgeable_ about sex, the piano, and you.

"I'm not knowledgeable, Anastasia, I just know what I like." She shrinks under my gaze; maybe I should loosen her up a bit more, especially before broaching the car subject. "Some more?" I ask tilting my teacup toward her.

"Please."

I collect the bottle and return to her on the couch. "This place looks pretty bare, are you ready for the move?"

"More or less."

"Are you working tomorrow?"

"Yes, my last day at Clayton's."

"I'd help you move, but I promised to meet my sister at the airport. Mia arrives from Paris very early on Saturday morning, I'm heading back to Seattle tomorrow, but Elliot is giving you two a hand." I say it as more of a statement than a question to gauge her reaction.

"Yes, Kate is very excited about that."

Good, no kickback on telling her Elliot was helping her that El is helping. But that gives me another thought, "Yes, Kate and Elliot, who would have thought?" I suppress the urge to shake my head to clear the thoughts of displeasure rolling around my brain. I may have to have her sign an NDA regarding any information she learns of me through my family. I work very hard to keep the media out of my personal life and now the tenacious and downright annoying amateur reporter is sleeping with my brother and my girlfriend'sroommate and best friend. _Girlfriend, _I never thought that word would sound like music to my ears. But I'm really enjoying it.

Just then Elena's voice filters through like velvet, forming into a leather strapped ball gag in my mouth. _Love is for fools Christian. And we are far from fools. No one will ever understand you like I do. No one will ever know how to love your body like me. I am the best you'll ever have, because I came first, I always come first. _Even then, at 15 I would never miss the hidden meanings laced within her speech. She always came first, second, third, fourth, fifth, and so on. She would make sure I was good and frustrated before she'd touch me and allow me a release. I always served her well. I need to stop thinking about her right now. I'm here with Ana and in this moment, I am happy. Blissfully happy.

"So what are you doing about work in Seattle?" I ask.

"I have a couple of interviews for intern places."

Blissful happiness quickly replaced by bubbling anger.

"You were going to tell me this when?"

"Er… I'm telling you now." She says quietly with hesitation dripping off her words.

I narrow my eyes to show her my displeasure and her eyes widen fractionally. Good, I'm glad there's still an element of intimidation there.

"Where?"

"A couple of publishing houses."

"Is that what you want to do, something in publishing?" My mind races through the houses in the area, waiting for her to elaborate. "Well?" I prod on.

"Well what?"

"Don't be obtuse, Anastasia, which publishing houses?"

"Just small ones."

"Why don't you want me to know?"

"Undue influence." I feel like she's just slapped me in the face. Certainly because I was hoping I could help her out, make sure she was taken care of in her position. Shit, I feel like a horny preteen caught with his pants down in the bathroom.

"Oh, now you're being obtuse." Again, a slap to the face. I have no other choice but to laugh at the exchange.

"Obtuse? Me? God, you're challenging. Drink up, let's talk about these limits." I pull a copy of the latest emails and the limit list from my coat pocket. She drains her cup and I fill her up again. Social lubricant for the evening, but I'll need her to also keep some wits about her, I can't allow her to get too carried away.

"Have you eaten anything?"

"Yes. I had a three-course meal with Ray." I was pleased at her words and thrilled and thoroughly annoyed when her eyes rolled as she said them. Oh, Miss Steele, I have some rules about eye rolling! You've just earned a strike on your previously blemish free report card. _I'd like to put some blemishes on that delicious little ass of hers, Grey. Let me at her. Come on. Let me at her. _Little man is holding back my subconscious who looks strikingly similar to scrappy doo right now, bouncing around with his hands up, ready to pounce.

I lean forward and hold her chin in my fingers, "Next time you roll your eyes at me I will take you across my knee."

Her face pales and my stomach knots. Please, let's play this game. Make my day; roll your eyes.

"Oh…" Her eyes are wide and her voice is small.

"Oh." I echo back. "So it begins, Anastasia." I feel like a kid on Christmas morning and my favorite present sits before me in a halter black dress with an exposed back, pale skin, brown hair, beautiful blue eyes, and the most amazing innocence I've ever come across. And she is just begging to be unwrapped and cherished, safe, and cared for.

I fill her cup and she immediately depletes it.

"Got your attention now, haven't I?"

She nods her agreement. Oh no, that will not work.

"Answer me."

"Yes… you've got my attention."

"Good." I smile to let her know I am pleased. "So sexual acts. We've done most of this." She snuggles in closer to me and I breathe in her scent and try to hide the tightening in my pants by crossing my right ankle over my left knee.

* * *

**APPENDIX 3**

**SOFT LIMITS**

To be discussed and agreed between both parties:

Does the Submissive consent to:

Masturbation

Cunnilingus

Fellatio

Swallowing Semen

Vaginal Intercourse

Vaginal Fisting

Anal Intercourse

Anal Fisting

* * *

"No fisting, you say. Anything else you object to?"

"Anal intercourse doesn't exactly float my boat." Oh but it floats mine, baby.

"I'll agree to the fisting, but I'd really like to claim your ass, Anastasia. But we'll wait for that. Besides, it's not something we can dive into. Your ass will need training." Just like your smart mouth.

"Training?" She whispers horrified.

"Oh yes. It'll need careful preparation. Anal intercourse can be very pleasurable, trust me. But if we try it and you don't like it, we don't have to do it again." I smile down at her still horror struck face.

"Have you done that?" Her voice would barely register at a whisper; I may have questioned her asking at all if I hadn't seen her lips move.

"Yes."

"With a man?" Her eyes are wide, her breath shallow.

"No. I've never had sex with a man. Not my scene." I feel my palm twitch that she would even think that.

"Mrs. Robinson?"

"Yes."

Her face falls and my mind drifts over the memory of my introduction to anal play at the age of 16.

* * *

It was a cold winter day and I was late to meet her after losing track of time at the gym. I was never late. I didn't do late. She didn't allow late. She met me at the door and without words pointed toward the playroom. I knew better than to speak. I hurried, head down, through the house and heard her yell _jeans only_. I quickly stripped down then put my jeans back on and kneeled in the corner just like I had learned. Knees open wider than my hips, elbows and wrists on my thighs, head down… waiting. I waited so long that night. It felt like hours. I could hear Elena having dinner with Linc and him leaving for the club after to meet with a potential client. I was so shocked he never discovered us while I was there. He had to of known about the room. She tore into the room and stood at my knees. I was looking at black patent leather heels with a point at the toe and the skinniest stiletto heel I'd ever seen. Her legs as far as I could see were covered in small-notched fishnet stockings, but I not dare look up.

"Sit up so your hands are on the ground as well as your knees. Now." She paused and waited to me to assume her desired position. "Christian, what do you have to say for yourself about your lateness? You may speak."

"Madam, I'm sorry for my absentmindedness. I was upset about something that happened in class and lost track of time blowing off steam in the gym." I needed to be honest with her but I knew this would come at more of a price and my knees were beginning to ache.

"What were you upset about? You know the rules. You save pent up frustrations for me. I want to work them out for you." She purred, leaning down to speak into my ear. Her breath was tickling my skin, her words making my heart race. I swallow my apprehensions and continue.

"Yes, Madam. I had an argument with Mr. Barnes in English today over portions of a Thomas Hardy book. That was last period and I had extra time. I'm sorry that I've displeased you Mistress." I kept my eyes trained on the floor until she forcefully bent down and grabbed my ear, effectively hauling me to my feet.

"Hands on the back of the door. Legs spread. Face away from me. Silence unless spoken to."

Her orders came in quick succession and I knew not to hesitate, nor look up.

She left me standing grasping the solid oak of the door for close to five minutes before walking over and cracking the whip across the doorknob. This was my warning and my orientation to the implement she was going to use. I steady myself, brace for the impact, and regulate my breathing, preparing for the sweet agony.

"Count."

The whip crashes down diagonally across my back. "One." I grunt out. Breathe in and out, convert the pain.

_Crack_ across the back of my thighs. "Two."

My back on the opposite diagonal. "Three." My jaw tightens and I quickly release it to focus again on my breathing. I can do this. I can do this.

By the sixth time the whip barreled across my flesh a sense of euphoria began to take over. I felt my brain giving way to the rush, ignoring the pain and confusing it for pleasure. My erection was pounding and I continued counting. Ten lashes before Elena told me to step back three steps, spread my legs farther apart, and keep my hands on the door. With no warning she pushed a lubricated cylinder into my ass. I had no idea what was happening, as the space around me was hazy but the pressure was foreign and I wanted to fight against it, but had no strength. She knew how to play my body like I knew how to play the piano… expertly.

* * *

I pull myself back to the present. _No, I will train Anastasia with love and tenderness. _Whoa, love? What the fuck. I enjoy her. I care about her. But this love shit keeps coming up. I am incapable. I glance back down at the paper.

"And… swallowing semen." I try to reign in my thoughts again and focus on the task at hand. I try for some soft wit and tossing a full tooth grin in Ana's direction, "Well, you get an A in that." That flush pushes against her flesh and I feel it resonate in my cock. Yes, that was the desired effect. "So… swallowing semen okay?"

She nods and I refill her cup again.

"Sex toys?"

* * *

Does the Submissive consent to the use of:

Vibrators

Butt Plugs

Dildos

Other vaginal/anal toys

* * *

"Butt plug? Does it do what it says on the box?" Her face looks like she just smelt a skunk. I can't help but smile at her reaction.

"Yes. And I refer to anal intercourse above. Training."

"Oh…" She looks contemplative before continuing, "What's in other?"

"Beads, eggs… that sort of stuff."

Her eyes for the millionth time in just a short while attempt to jump from her skull, "Eggs?!"

"Not real eggs." I try to hide my laughter but fail miserably, at least I'm not doubled over clutching my side, which is what I'd like to be doing, but I fear that would embarrass her further.

Her lips have tightened into a fine line and her voice cracks, "I'm glad you find me funny."

Like a cold bucket of ice water on a hard-on…

I feel bad I embarrassed her and I try to hide the humor still dancing around my mind but I'm not sure I succeed entirely.

"I apologize Miss Steele, I'm sorry. Any problem with toys?"

"No." Her words are sharp.

"Anastasia, I am sorry. Believe me. I don't mean to laugh. I've never had this conversation in so much detail. You're just so inexperienced. I'm sorry."

Her shoulders relax and she sinks into the couch before taking another sip of her Bollinger. I take that as my cue to continue.

"Right- bondage."

* * *

Does the Submissive consent to:

Bondage with rope

Bondage with leather cuffs

Bondage with handcuffs/shackles/manacles

Bondage with tape

Bondage with other

* * *

I look to her for a response and cannot read her face.

"Well?"

"Fine." She whispers. Alright, I'll let that slide for now. But I can tell she's still upset about before and I don't know how to fix it.

* * *

Does the Submissive consent to be restrained with:

Hands bound in front

Ankles bound

Elbows bound

Hands bound behind back

Knees bound

Wrists bound to ankles

Binding to fixed items, furniture, etc.

Binding with spreader bar

Suspension

Does the Submissive consent to be blindfolded?

Does the Submissive consent to be gagged?

* * *

"We've already talked about suspension. And it's fine if you want to set that up as a hard limit. It is quite time consuming. Since I only have you for short periods anyway we can avoid that. Anything else?"

"Don't laugh at me, but what's a spreader bar?"

My palm and cock twitch in tandem. Why is her questioning me so fucking hot? I really don't understand it.

"I promise not to laugh. I've apologized twice. Don't make me do it again." I say sternly. She visibly shrinks back into the couch again. Good. She understands. "A spreader bar is a bar with cuffs for ankles and/or wrists. They're fun." All images of Ana spread on the bed or bent over my bathroom sink with a spreader bar connecting her ankles rush my mind and I need to consciously draw my attention back to her and our conversation.

"Okay. So gagging me. I'd be worried I wouldn't be able to breathe."

_Fuck, Ana._

"_I'd _be worried if you couldn't breathe. I don't want to suffocate you." I have to suppress my laughter again. This time I'm more successful.

"And how will I use safewords if I'm gagged?"

Her winds hit my chest like a ton of bricks. I recall the myriad of times where Elena would push my limits past where they should have been because she knew I was stubborn and would rarely safeword. She always wanted to see how far she could press before I'd hit my breaking point. I vowed to never do that to a submissive. I never want them to have to safeword. I learn their bodies and learn what they can handle before moving into anything they might safeword with. Of course, they have all been experienced and knew limits prior to beginning with me. Anastasia knows nothing other than what she's already had with me. I sigh heavily.

"First of all, I hope you never have to use them. But if you're gagged, we'll use hand signals." I will do this right with her. There is no room for error. I never want to hear those words pass her lips.

"I'm nervous about the gagging."

"Okay. I'll take note."

"Do you like tying your submissive up so they can't touch you?" Well, that came out of left field. How do I deflect this line of conversation right now?

"That's one of the reasons," I say, my voice is softer than usual and I'm certain every feeling of the scared and hurt child I once was rushes across my face in those moments. Ana doesn't appear to notice much and continues.

"Is that why you've tied my hands?"

I can't let this continue. Short and sweet.

"Yes." Oh that was a harsh tone.

"You don't like talking about that," she mutters quietly. No I'd love to tell you about my crack whore mother and her fucking junkie pimp who would beat me into oblivion if she was too fucked up to suck his cock the right way after a night on the job. I would love to taint you with the knowledge that I draw up contracts and relationships with women in this manner so I can regularly exercise my demons. Really, I think it's wonderful pillow talk. Fuck.

"No, I don't. Would you like another drink? It's making you brave, and I need to know how you feel about pain." _Deflect, move on, and keep her at some sort of arms length, Grey._

I fill our glasses again and continue.

"So what's your general attitude to receiving pain? You're biting your lip again." I literally think I growled those last words out. Desire surges through my system and I want to pin her down onto this couch to suck and fuck every inch of her… but this is important. Reign in all that control.

She's quiet, twisting her fingers in and out of one another.

"Were you physically punished as a child?"

"No."

"So you have no sphere of reference at all?"

"No."

"It's not as bad as you think. Your imagination is your worst enemy in this," I keep my voice soft and calm. I want to relate to her, to assure her, but for some reason this is so much harder to speak about than I thought it would be. Can I do this? Can I bring her into the darkness with me? Will she keep her light? Will she bring me into the light?

_Are you joking, there is no fucking light for you, grey. You're irredeemable. You are a monster._

I can see little man hopeful in my mind trying to speak in my defense but his words are downed out by my subconscious' harsh words. Ana's voice finally breaks through the barrier.

"Do you have to do it?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Goes with the territory. It's what I do. I can see you're nervous. Let's go through the methods." Stick to the list. It's easy. Functional. I can handle that and keep track of it. It's clean and clear cut. Control. I need to control my thoughts and myself right now.

* * *

How much pain is the Submissive willing to experience?

Where 1 is likes intensely and 5 is dislikes intensely:

1—2—3—4—5

Does the Submissive consent to accept the following forms of pain/punishment/discipline:

Spanking

Whipping

Biting

Genital Clamps

Hot Wax

Paddling

Caning

Nipple Clamps

Ice

Other types/methods of pain

* * *

"Well you said no to genital clamps. That's fine. It's canning that hurts the most."

Her face pales then blushes then pales again in a matter of seconds.

"We can work up to that."

"Or not do it at all." She says under her breath avoiding my gaze.

"This is part of the deal, baby, but we'll work up to all of this. Anastasia, I won't push you too far." The thought of you running away from me screaming or crying, of not being able to hold you or touch you feels like a sledgehammer to my skull and chest. I know I couldn't bare that. We'll take this slow.

I need to reassure her and myself. I lean in and press my lips against hers. At this contact, everything else ceases to matter; it is only her and I in this moment. My demons held at bay.

"There that wasn't so bad, was it?"

She responds noncommittally by shrugging her shoulders.

_She'll come around Christian… Give her time. Show her love. Show her you care. Cherish her. She'll come around. And so will you._

I want to believe that. I want to believe it with every fiber of my being.

"Look, I want to talk about one more thing, then I'm taking you to bed."

"Bed?" I read her body language. While her eyes blind furiously showing her confusion and hesitation, the rest of her body responds with desire. Her breath quickens, the skin on her neck that covers where her pulse is jumps at a faster pace, and her legs squeeze together tightly.

"Com on, Anastasia. Talking through all this, I want to fuck you into next week, right now. It must be having some effect on you, too." Of course, I already know the answer to that.

"See?" I say knowingly. "Besides, there's something I want to try."

"Something painful?"

"No. Stop seeing pain everywhere. It's mainly pleasure. Have I hurt you yet?"

"No." She says quietly.

"Well, than. Look, earlier today you were talking about wanting more…" I trail off, not sure how to word what I'm thinking. Can I do this? Can we do this? Do I want to? Hell yes. I want to try. I grab her hand as if it is my only salvation, a life raft for a drowning man.

"Outside of the time you're my sub, perhaps we could try. I don't know if it will work. I don't know about separating everything. It may not work. Bu I'm willing to try. Maybe one night a week… I don't know." Her jaw has fallen open and she hasn't taken a breath since I stopped speaking. Fuck. What if she's changed her mind? No. She hasn't. She wouldn't have sat through talking limits if she had changed her mind.

"I have one condition." Now's my chance.

"What?"

"You graciously accept my graduation present to you."

"Oh." She looks unconvinced but I can't wait any longer.

"Come," I take her hand and lead her outside after providing her with my jacket. She looks so small, dwarfed by my long coat.

I gesture toward the red two-door hatchback Audi in front of the house. "It's for you. Happy graduation." I say as I pull her into my arms and kiss the top of her head. She stiffens in my embrace and I prepare for a fight. I will not back down on this.

"Anastasia, that Beetle of yours is old and frankly dangerous. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you when it's so easy for me to make it right…" I say as I pull her down the yard toward the car. She's silent. Staring at the car, bristling tension.

"I mentioned it to your stepfather. He was all for it." Maybe that will help the situation, if she knows he wants her safe too?

Apparently that thought was completely wrong. How am I misjudging this so completely? She turns to glare at me.

"You mentioned this to Ray? How could you?!" Her voice is low and even. Fuck. I'm so exasperated. I have no idea what to do or say.

"It's a gift, Anastasia. Can't you just say thank you?" I meant this more for my ears than hers but she heard anyway.

"But you know it's too much." This I can work with.

"Not to me it isn't, not for my peace of mind."

She frowns at me and I keep my face as passive as possible. I study her features and suddenly her frame relaxes, the edges of her frown soften, and she releases the breath she was holding.

"I'm happy for you to loan this to me, like the laptop."

My chest heaves with a heavy sigh as I study her face again. She can't be serious? Okay, yes, she's serious. "Okay. On loan. Indefinitely."

"No, not indefinitely, but for now. Thank you." She reaches up and kisses my cheek. "Thank you for the car, Sir." She says, bating her eyelashes and sweetening her voice. I swear she even purposefully brushed her tit against my arm. Fuck.

I grab her hair and the small of her back, holding her to me, and crash into her mouth with a possessive and yearning kiss. "You are one challenging woman, Ana Steele." She begins to return my kiss with just as much desire and I have to pull away and take her inside. Now. "It's taking all my self-control not to fuck you on the hood of this car right now, just to show you that you are mine, and if I want to buy you a fucking car, I'll buy you a fucking car. Now let's get you inside and naked." I kiss her again and begin to lead her inside.

"Please don't be angry with me," she whispers as she tags along behind me and into the house. "I'm sorry about the car and the books…" she starts but her words disappear, she looks so small and frightened. Did I do this? "You scare me when you're angry," and there is my answer.

I am a monster. I am an asshole. I close my eyes and shake my head to clear all the clutter from rattling around inside. I count to ten with a corresponding inhale before opening my eyes to look back at her. The tension in my body has dissipated and all I see is Ana, my Ana.

"Turn around, I want to get you out of that dress."

* * *

Review's and feedback are much appreciated!


	25. Chapter 25

AN: Sorry it took so long again. This story has been giving me hell - but my muse also deserted me for a bit.. making writing anything damn near impossible for a bit. This chapter hasn't been edited fully yet - but I wanted to get it out before I left for the night.

Please check out my other story Binding Ties if you haven't! It's been changed to Ana/Christian for the FF site :).

Also- I'll be making a pinterest board for this story with visuals to go along with the chapters. Check out my facebook for updates on when to expect chapters and such - both links are in my author page.

Enjoy!

* * *

I'm basking in the warmth surrounding me emanating from this glorious creature lying next to me. Her breath skirts across my chest, steady and even, her head nestled into the crook of my shoulder.

_You'll have to learn to keep still… _Those words and her moans falling from her mouth as she began to take control, riding me, giving me a glorious view of her perfect breasts falling and rising in time to the rhythm our union is creating. Her innocence and enthusiasm are completely disarming. I'd never give a woman the reigns after Elena. No. I don't want to think about her right now. It's just us, Ana and I, reveling in our post-coital bliss. I recall the heat in her eyes as I held her gaze. _My Ana._

I'm broken from my memories as Ana begins to reach her hand toward my chest. Grasping her delicate fingers in my own, I lift her hand to my lips, kissing her knuckles to soften the blow of rejection.

"Don't," please, don't…

"Why don't you like to be touched?" She whispers quietly, holding me with so much more than just her soft blue eyes.

"Because I'm fifty shades of fucked up, Anastasia. I had a very tough introduction to life. I don't want to burden you with the details. Just don't."

Again I try to soften the harshness that coats my words with caring gestures like brushing my nose against hers, our breath mingling together. My stomach knots in butterflies and it rockets into the back of my throat. I feel naked and exposed, realizing that it has nothing to do with my lack of clothing. I need to move away from this alien feeling. I need some distance from her right now.

"Well. I think that's all the basics covered. How was that?" I try to mask my discomfort with small talk about a different part of our relationship, the side I do control.

She tilts her head, eyeing me speculatively, before continuing, "If you imagine for one minute that I think you ceded control to me, well you haven't taken into account my GPA. But thank you for the illusion."

"Miss Steele, you are not just a pretty face. You've had six orgasms so far and all of them belong to me." Pride blossoms in my chest and cools over when I see her nervous and stunned expression. "Do you have something to tell me?" I ask, my voice conveying how irritated I am.

"I had a dream this morning."

"Oh?" I try to remain impassive but my mind wanders back to that splendid wet dream I had not long after we first met and I desperately want to keep my cool.

"I came in my sleep." That's it, any attempt to maintain my composure flew out the window as she flopped back onto the bed and hid under her arm. I lift her elbow and decide to get more from her.

"In your sleep?

"Woke me up."

I stifle a laugh. "I'm sure it did. What were you dreaming about?"

Her pupils dilate and her breath catches. Yup, that's me.

"You." She replies softly.

"What was I doing?"

Again her arm flies to cover her face, as much as I enjoy her flush and embarrassment, I won't have her withholding information from me. _Oh, but it is fine for you to withhold from her? You are a fucking hypocrite, Grey._

"Anastasia, what was I doing? I won't ask you again."

"You had a riding crop."

I move her arm to see that deep blush creep across her skin.

"Really?"

"Yes." And the blush deepens fifty shades.

"There's hope for you yet. I have several riding crops."

"Brown plaited leather?"

The laughter escapes my mouth without warning. "No, but I'm sure I could get one."

I give her a brief kiss and begin gathering my clothes, sensing my intention Ana follows my lead. We discuss her need for contraception and I assure her that I will have my doctor visit her at Escala on Sunday to discuss it.

"Are you leaving?" She asks me quietly.

_Only if you don't stop me._

"Yes."

"How are you getting back?"

"Taylor will pick me up."

"I can drive you. I have a lovely new car."

A smile splits my face at her words, she may be placating me but those words sound like music to my ears.

"That's more like it. But I think you've had too much to drink.:

"Did you get me tipsy on purpose?"

"Yes." _Busted._

"Why?"

"Because you overthink everything, and you're reticent like your stepdad. A drop of wine in you and you start talking, and I need you to communicate honestly with me. Otherwise you clam up and I have no idea what you're thinking. In vino veritas, Anastasia.

"And you think you're always honest with me?" Aside from side stepping that sadist comment when I showed you my playroom, yes.

"I endeavor to be. This will only work if we're honest with each other."

"I'd like you to stay and use this." Fluttering her lashes and pushing out her breasts, she tries to seduce me.

Smiling I hold my restraint, "Anastasia, I have crossed so many lines here tonight. I have to go. I'll see you on Sunday. I'll have the revised contract for you, and then we can really start to play."

"Play?"

"I'd like to do a scene with you. But I won't until you're signed so I know you're ready."

"Oh. So I could stretch this out if I don't sign?"

"Well, I suppose you could but I might crack under the strain."

"Crack? How?" Oh sure, now she's really paying attention. Always so eager for information this one.

I nod slowly, smiling, "Could get really ugly."

"Ugly, how?"

"Oh, you know, explosions, car cashes, kidnapping, incarceration."

"You'd kidnap me?"

"Oh yes."

"Hold me against my will?" Her eyes grow bigger with each new question.

"Oh yes. And then we're talking TPE 24/7." Just the thought has my cock begging to search out her sweet nectar again.

"You've lost me."

"Total Power Exchange- around the clock. So you have no choice."

"Clearly." She says sarcastically and she makes my fucking day. Let's get this party started Miss Steele. Rolling your eyes has just earned you spanking number one. Fuck yes. I cannot wait.

"Oh, Anastasia Steele, did you just roll your eyes at me?"

"No!"

"I think you did. What did I say I'd do to you if you rolled your eyes at me again?"

My palm and cock twitch simultaneously. I move to sit on the edge of the bed and pat the spot next to me.

"Come here."

She stands frozen to the spot like a statue. I imagine that if I were to touch her she would crumble to a pile of dust.

"I haven't signed…"

"I told you what I'd do. I'm a man of my word. I'm going to spank you, and then I'm going to fuck you very quick and very hard. Looks like we'll need that condom after all."

I can see her body respond to the tone of my voice and my words. I watch as she slowly disentangles her legs from under her and the uncertainty plays across her face.

_Come here my Sweet. This will be great for both of us. That I can promise you. _

"I'm waiting. I am not a patient man." Make me continue to wait and this will be worse for you, say no all together and it will surely be the worst for me.

She breathing is erratic and her eyes dilated, the black almost completely eclipsing the blue as she crawls toward me and obeys my command to stand up.

"Good girl."

I hold my empty hand out expectant for the condom in her possession. When I have it, I pull her quickly down across my lap and trap her between my right leg and left forearm effectively halting any attempts to escape my plans.

"Put your hands on either side of your head." Obeying without hesitation, that's new Miss Steele, and I like it.

"Why am I doing this, Anastasia?"

"Because I rolled my eyes at you," her voice is small and quiet.

"Do you think that's polite?"

"No."

"Will you do it again?"

"No." _Yes. I know you will._

"I will spank you each time you do it, do you understand?"

Without leaving her room to respond I slowly pull down her sweatpants, delighting in the sight of her currently pale perfect ass glowing up at me. I gently caress the skin, increasing her body's awareness of the sensation, increasing its sensitivity to my touch before raining down the first blow. She attempts to push herself up and I counter by placing my hand between her shoulder blades. I repeat the pattern, caress and spank. I cannot help the image of good and evil that play out over my mind in the time I spend spanking her. Eighteen blows. It is a vision of white and red, the color of her skin before and after. With each new sting of my hand I feel excitement, arousal, fear, shame, and a warmth I've come to know is purely reserved for Anastasia. The contrasts are nearly too much to take but I'm overcome by the urgent need in my cock, straining for the release that is always sure to come after my delivering a punishment. I know there were words exchanged during this time but my mind became completely preoccupied with the war raging on inside of me, hard to register even the words that fell from my mouth.

"Enough." I say to the thoughts assaulting my brain. Enough! I just want to bury myself in this wonderfully beautiful and infuriating woman to silence the darkness ever-present and raging inside me. "Well done, Anastasia. Now I'm going to fuck you." Purely because I promised a hard fast fuck and I am a man of my word. No matter how much my desire is to now carry out a slow and rhythmic praise on her body. I gently rub her ass, now warm and rosy under my palm, and find her soaking wet pussy quickly inserting two fingers and I am rewarded with her gasp.

"Feel this. See how much your body likes this, Anastasia. You're soaking just for me." This brings me back to the present, silencing the war in my mind for just a moment's time. This woman is my safe haven. I cannot go soft in this moment. This was a punishment and should be treated as such.

"Next time I will get you to count." I pull on the condom and push off any clothing south of our waists. Pushing her onto the mattress, I revel in the site of her rosy ass ready and waiting, perked up in the air just for me. "I'm going to take you now. You can come" is the only warning I give before thrusting into her. The sex is carnal and needy, passionate and raw, not like the first few times we fucked. This was animalistic and as amazing and mind-blowing as it was, that warmth in my chest wanted something more, but I ignore it. I ignore it because this is what I know- this is my world. As she shatters into an orgasm I quickly follow, her name like a prayer on my breath, drained of all feeling and physical energy, we collapse onto one another utterly spent.

"Oh, baby, welcome to my world." I pull her onto my chest, her hair fanned across my arm, her smell eclipsing all other senses. "Well done, baby." I glory for a moment longer in the warmth that is our connection, physical and otherwise, before acknowledging the tank top she's still currently wearing.

"Is this what you sleep in?"

"Yes."

"You should be in silks and satins, you beautiful girl. I'll take you shopping."

"I like my sweats."

"We'll see," I say as I plant a kiss on the top of her head imagining her in every possible color of silk and satin, snuggled up and waiting for me each night in my bed… our bed. _Whoa. Not okay. What the fuck kind of thought was that? I need some space. This woman has seriously gotten under my skin._

"I have to go." I say softly, not wanting to startle her because of my own insecurities. Plus, I do have a business meeting tomorrow and I must get going because of that also. One look at Ana and I want nothing more than to stay here, wrapped in her light for the night. "Are you okay?" I ask; I need to know she's okay. I busy myself by putting my jeans and button up back on.

"I'm okay," she answers quietly after a pensive thought.

Okay then.

"Where's your bathroom?"

"Down the hall to the left." I grab both condoms and proceed down the hall; looking in the cabinets for any type of cream or oil to soothe the sting she is experiencing. This is something Elena never did, she would never take the time to cherish me post scene, she would simply use me to her specifications and then discard me like yesterdays trash… but I always came back. I always came back. I shake my head to rid the thoughts, not now, and return to Ana.

"I found some baby oil. Let me rub it on your behind."

Not looking up to meet my gaze she quietly responds "No. I'll be fine."

"Anastasia." I will not allow her to feel used, she is cherished by me, and she will experience this as such. I sit down and slowly pull her across my lap again. I pull down her sweats again and caress the oil into her skin with a tenderness foreign to even my best subs after the worst of punishments. There is something about Anastasia Rose Steele that captivates me and causes me to desire to be a better man. I don't want to look to closely at that right now, but here taking care of her, I feel lighter and more at peace.

"I like my hands on you." I say with all the reverence I feel before I finish with her aftercare. "There… I'm leaving now…" Secretly I hope she'll stop me, but the CEO and Dom in me are fully aware that I need to leave.

"I'll see you out." Please, Ana, look at me… I need to see in your eyes what your words refuse to say. I take her hand to close the space between us, both physically and emotionally.

"Don't you have to call Taylor?"

"Taylor's been here since nine. Look at me," I plead.

"You didn't cry…" I have an incredible reverence and awe for that fact. Even the submissives who craved pain and were so well versed in the lifestyle cried at one punishment or another. I surely cried after my first, not that I want to relive that memory right now. I will not taint this night with thoughts of that. "Sunday." I whisper after showing her all the feelings coursing through my veins in the midst of a passionate kiss. I leave her standing in the doorway, forcing myself to keep my eyes trained ahead of me because I know with all certainty that if I look back I'll lose all willpower and stay the night.

I call Elliot once I arrive back in my room.

"Hey bro, what's up? How's that sweet thing Ana treating you?"

I grit my teeth and remind myself who I'm dealing with before answering. The playboy of Seattle. He's stuck his dick in more orifices, female and male alike, than I could even imagine. But he enjoys himself and assures me that he's always safe so who am I to judge. However, if he ever refers to my Ana in a way that is less than desirable by my standards I'll put him in his place.

"By that huff on the other end I'm going to assume you're happy and that you're pissed I'm encroaching on your territory… Anyway, I want to let you know how amazing things are with Kate and I! Thanks for bringing me to distract her, she's one seriously hot piece of ass. Spunky. Spicy. And so mouthwateringly-"

"Elliot! I did not call you to hear about your sex life with Miss Kavanagh. I called to check that you're still helping them move."

"Yeah, I wouldn't miss it. Getting to watch those two 'bend and snap' picking up boxes and setting them down. Christ, I'm hard just thinking about it!"

The image of some movie Mia forced us to watch flits through my mind, a blond-bimbo turned lawyer in the blink of an eye teaching a salon of women to pick up a man by this stupid trick. Elliot and I mocked it for weeks after until Mia finally had enough.

"I'm going to ignore all of that and thank you for helping them. Keep your hands to Kavanagh and Kavanagh alone, Elliot. I mean it."

And with that I end the call to check my email, after countless spreadsheets are scanned over I decide to let Ana know how much I enjoyed her company tonight.

* * *

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** You

**Date:** May 26 2011 23:14

**To:** Anastasia Steele

Dear Miss Steele,

You are quite simply exquisite. The most beautiful. Intelligent, witty, and brave woman I have ever met. Take some Advil- this is not a request. And don't drive your Beetle again. I will know.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject:** Flattery

**Date:** May 26 2011 23:20

**To:** Christian Grey

Dear Mr. Grey,

Flattery will get you nowhere, but since you've been _everywhere _the point is moot.

I will need to drive my Beetle to a garage so I can sell it- so I will not graciously accept any of your nonsense over that.

Red wine is always more preferable to Advil.

Ana

P.S.: Caning is a HARD limit for me.

* * *

I feel the distance in her words staring back at me on the screen. No wit, no charm, but words devoid of anything warm that I've come to know with her. Fuck. What did I do? I should go to her, let her see how much she means to me. Let her know my flattery is not just empty words but a true yearning to be close to her… I should do those things, instead…

* * *

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Frustrating Women Who Can't Take Compliments

**Date:** May 26 2011 23:26

**To:** Anastasia Steele

Dear Miss Steele,

I am not flattering you. You should go to bed.

I accept your addition to the hard limits.

Don't drink too much.

Taylor will dispose of your car and get a good price for it, too.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

Maybe I should just remove all the canes from the room? If it's a hard limit then maybe they shouldn't even be in the room. I'll deal with that later.

Just as I begin to calm, her reply comes through.

* * *

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject:** Taylor- Is He The Right Man for the Job?

**Date:** May 26 2011 23:40

**To:** Christian Grey

Dear Sir,

I am intrigued that you are happy to risk letting your right hand man drive my car but not some woman you fuck occasionally. How can I be sure that Taylor is the man to get me the best deal for said car? I have, in the past, probably before I met you, been known to drive a hard bargain.

Ana

* * *

It is as if I've free fallen from the top of Escala and landed flat on my back. With the wind knocked out of my lungs, I read her words four times before replying, trying to keep my temper and hurt in check.

* * *

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Careful!

**Date:** May 26 2011 23:44

**To:** Anastasia Steele

Dear Miss Steele,

I am assuming it is the RED WINE talking, and that you've had a very long day.

Though I am tempted to drive back over there to ensure that you don't sit down for a week, rather than an evening.

Taylor is ex-army and capable of driving anything from a motorcycle to a Sherman tank. Your car does not present a hazard to him.

Now please do not refer to yourself as "some woman I fuck occasionally", because, quite frankly, it makes me MAD, and you really wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

Running my hands through my hair I begin to pace around the suite. How can she say she's just some woman I fuck occasionally? She means more to me than any other woman I've ever fucked… Christ, I made love to her; I took it slow, the first time. I want to take care of her. Why can't she accept this? Why doesn't she accept me? I pour myself a stiff two-finger whiskey to temper the lack of control I feel over this situation.

* * *

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject:** Careful Yourself

**Date:** May 26 2011 23:57

**To:** Christian Grey

Dear Mr. Grey,

I'm not sure I like you anyway, especially at the moment.

Miss Steele

* * *

Again, her words hit me with such force that I feel all air stolen from my lungs. The warmth in my chest runs cool and my stomach knots in an impossible form.

* * *

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Careful Yourself

**Date:** May 27 2011 00:03

**To:** Anastasia Steele

Why don't you like me?

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

The minutes between correspondence feel like a millennia.

* * *

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject:** Careful Yourself

**Date:** May 27 2011 00:09

**To:** Christian Grey

Because you never stay with me.

* * *

"Taylor. I'm going to Miss Steele's… No, I'll get myself back here tomorrow morning to leave for the meeting. Thank you."

When I arrive the light from Ana's room is dark but I knock anyway. Kate answers and I am immediately hit with a wave of fury.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing here?"

"I need to make sure Ana is okay. She wished for me to stay the night with her. And that is what I'm going to do."

"Well, you can't!" Kate yells, stomping around their living room like a child throwing a temper tantrum.

"I'm going to. I gave her my word that I would take care of her and this she said she needed this. You aren't going to stop me." I keep my voice even and measured. I won't lose my shit over Kavanagh.

"What the fuck have you done to her now? Since she's met you she cries all the time."

I've had enough of her. I begin to make my way into the house and am met with Kavanagh attempting to push me back out the door by my arms.

"You can't come in here!" I side step her and stride to Ana's room at a quickened pace, throw open the door, and switch on the light. What I see results in the air evaporating from my lungs for the third time since I've last seen her.

"Jesus, Ana," I say under my breath as I turn off the light and move toward her bed.

Ana is curled onto her bed, sobbing uncontrollably. Her face is red and puffy and her chest is heaving as she sputters, "what are you doing here?"

I switch on her bedside table as Kate comes to the doorway. "Do you want me to throw this asshole out?" I can feel the tension radiating off her, her Domme stance, if you will. Ana thankfully shakes her head no, "Fine, holler if you need me. Grey- you're on my shit list and I'm watching you." She turns to leave but cracks the door an inch before disappearing into the apartment.

I stare down at this beauty of a woman. I've broken her. She gave me a piece of herself, trusted me to take care of her and I failed her. She also failed to communicate with me. How can I trust her to tell me when her limits are being reached if she won't communicate with me? I hand her a handkerchief from my jacket. Her tears have stopped by her body is still shaking as her lungs gasp for the air they've been deprived of throughout her breakdown.

"What's going on?" My voice is quiet and small.

"Why are you here?"

"Part of my role is to look after your needs. You said you wanted me to stay, so here I am. And yet I find you like this… I'm sure I'm responsible, but I have no idea why. Is it because I hit you?"

She says nothing but attempts to sit up and winces from the pain on her ass.

"Did you take some Advil?" She shakes her head and I have the urge to spank her again for disobeying. Instead I go in search of Advil and water, running into Kate in the kitchen I explain that Ana has a headache from the crying.

"Take these. Talk to me. You told me you were okay. I'd never have left you if I thought you were like this." My words are sincere and my chest warms a pinch as she takes the Advil and allows me to sit next to her. She's quiet, staring down at her knotted hands.

"I take it that when you said you were okay, you weren't."

"I thought I was fine."

"Anastasia, you can't tell me what you thin I want to hear. That's not very honest. How can I trust anything you've said to me?" I'm speaking more to myself than her, running my hands through my hair wondering how I could have gotten all of this so wrong.

"How did you feel while I was hitting you and after?"

"I didn't like it. I'd rather you didn't do it again."

"You weren't meant to like it."

She finally makes eye contact with me and asks, "Why do you like it?"

"You really want to know?" The watered-down kid friendly PG version of course… not the fifty shades of fucked up and depraved.

"Oh trust me, I'm fascinated." As the sarcasm drips from each syllable I feel my temper rise.

"Careful…" I warn.

"Are you going to hit me again?" She asks as the leans away from me on the bed. Shit. That's not what I want at all…

"No, not tonight."

She visibly relaxes on the bed, her posture slumping from the weight of the evening.

"I like the control it gives me, Anastasia. I want you to behave in a particular way, and if you don't, I shall punish you, and you will learn to behave the way I desire. I enjoy punishing you. I've wanted to spank you since you asked me if I was gay." Both my cock and my palm twitch at the same time when recalling the memory.

"So you don't like me the way I am?"

What? Why would she think that? I love the way she is, everything about her. Why would she ever think I don't?

"I think you're lovely the way you are."

"So why are you trying to change me?"

"I don't want to change you. I'd like you to be courteous and to follow the set of rules I've given you and for you to not defy me. Simple."

Her face contorts like she's trying very hard to understand my words.

"But you want to punish me?"

"Yes, I do."

"That's what I don't understand."

I'm feeling exhausted. I'm not sure I can ever get her to understand my darkness, the reasons behind my drives in this lifestyle.

_You're the one who wanted a virgin who isn't in the lifestyle, Grey. You can't have your cake and eat it too._

I sigh and concede to answer in a way that keeps the distance but will hopefully satisfy her need to know. "It's the way I'm made, Anastasia. I need to control you. I need you to behave in a certain way, and if you don't- I love to watch your beautiful alabaster skin pink and warm up under my hands. It turns me on."

"So it's not the pain you're putting me through?"

"A bit, to see if you can take it, but that's not the whole reason. It's the fact that you are mine to do with as I see fit- ultimate control over someone else. And it turns me on. Big time, Anastasia. Look, I'm not explaining myself very well… I've never had to before. I've not really thought about this in any great depth. I've always been with like-minded people." I shrug my shoulders as if that should answer everything else. "And you still haven't answered my question – how did you feel afterward?"

"Confused."

"You were sexually aroused by it, Ana." I recall the memory behind my eyelids of her dripping folds and how quickly she came. Yes, aroused indeed. When I reopen my eyes, hers are needy calling to the part of me that only she hits- that warmth spreading from my chest to my cock.

"Don't look at me like that." Please, don't.

She frowns and I almost hear her questioning what she's done wrong.

"I don't have condoms and you know, you're upset. Contrary to what your roommate believes, I'm not a priapic monster. So, you felt confused?" She shifts uncomfortably on the bed and remains silent. "You have no problem being honest with me in print. Your emails always tell me exactly how you feel. Why can't you do that in conversation? Do I intimidate you that much?"

She begins picking at nothing on her quilt and I am drawn into her every movement, trying desperately to hang onto her.

"You beguile me Christian. Completely overwhelm me. I fee like Icarus flying too close to the sun."

I'm sure I audibly gasp at her words. "Well, I think you've got that the wrong way around," I whisper. Surely, no other woman would have me challenging everything I know about my world at every turn… thinking about "our" bed… holding her up on a pedestal so high her nose should surely bleed from the sheer altitude… vanilla sex… thinking about "more". Surely, she has that the wrong way around.

"What?"

"Oh, Anastasia, you've bewitched me. Isn't it obvious?..." After a long pause, "You've still not answered my question. Write me an email, please. But right now, I'd really like to sleep. Can I stay?" _Please say yes…_

"Do you want to stay?" _Yes…_

"You wanted me here." Why can't I just tell her YES I'd like to stay with you tonight? I sleep better when you're with me.

"You haven't answered my question." She prompts.

"I'll write you an email." I reply, smirking inwardly at the situation I've just created. I empty my pockets onto the nightstand and strip down, feeling Ana's eyes on me at every turn before climbing into her bed beside her.

"Lie down."

She slides into the covers next to me, staring into my eyes.

"If you're going to cry, cry in front of me. I need to know."

"Do you want me to cry?"

"Not particularly. I just want to know how you're feeling. I don't want you slipping through my fingers. Switch the light off. It's late, and we both have to work tomorrow." She reaches to turn off the light and before she get's too comfortable I instruct her to lie down with her back to my front. If I've learnt anything about this woman since we've met, she definitely just rolled her eyes at me. I'll let this one slide. I pull her body closer to mine and kiss the back of her head, inhaling the scent from her hair for the first time in hours feeling like I can take a full and rejuvenating breath.

"Sleep, baby."

I take comfort in her presence and in her grace, drifting into a dream filled with warmth, light and laughter.


End file.
